Thoughtful Friday

Yeah, nothing to really title this entry. I do try to keep the titles a little interesting, but some days the creative portion of my brain just isn't creative. I am going to assume for today, the creative portion is on a coffee break as I write.

Yesterday I went through my Flickr photos and selected a few, more like 27, for print. I am going to attempt this scrap booking thing. I selected photos from the first five months of Amelia's life and some of the outings we went (Cunningham Falls, O's game of Father's Day, etc) to as we all the Holidays we've had, thus far. My plan is to create a page of each 'event'. I don't when I am actually going to start this project with the move and all this weekend (for me) and next weekend (for Sean and Aaron), plus trying to save money for when ever Greg and I actually find a place to live on our own. But, on the bright side, the pictures I selected for print will only cost me $3.15 and I can go get them at the Target in Ellicott City (which I thought about picking up last night, but Greg wasn't interested in meeting me there and mentioned something about traffic being a nightmare).

Last night, I felt so... melancholy; just not with it emotionally. I spent two hours doing something I should have, even though it didn't really have an effect on me emotionally, but I was curious and such. During that two hour span, I spoke with my Mom for about 45 minutes. We chatted about the move, her trip next week to Las Vegas, the email we received from her Mom, my Grandma, about their vacation in Alaska and Canada (cruise, tours, the whole nine yards), as well as other 'girly' things. Around 10pm, we hung up; Sean and Aaron come home and I head up stairs for my shower and bed. Around 11pm, I try to call Greg but he was having cell phone difficulties and I was becoming frustrated. I felt a strong need to talk to Greg last night and his cell phone carrier was preventing us from talking. Finally, after nearly 15 minutes of attempts, I just left him a voicemail. After about 3-5 minutes of silence, Greg calls and we were able to hold a 12 minute conversation that wasn't interrupted by gargle and other non-comprehensive noises. I told Greg what I did last night and why I did it. He asked a few questions about why I did it and all; he wasn't upset or anything, but I felt like talking to him about it. Then, I asked what he did for the night and he told me that he played a little on the computer (games), consolidated one of his tubs, threw away a lot of old pictures from his last relationship, and talked to his Mom about me moving in this weekend. I asked why he threw away his old pictures and he pretty much did it for the same reasons I didn't keep my wedding pictures; one chapter closed and moving on. As for the conversation with his Mom about me moving in, she was hoping to have one more week to get ready, but if I have to move in this weekend, then I have to.

Also, last night Greg and I talked about our future wedding; just a little. I asked him if he wanted something more than a 'court house ceremony' and he said yes, which did surprise me. Then I asked what time of year would he like to marry. We didn't pick a season, but I suggested Fall for all the pretty colors. I think a winter wedding, though beautiful if there is snow, would be too risky for any type of weather related reasons for cancellation (as many birthday parties of mine were cancelled due to snow). Spring is an option as well. Summer, is too typical and can be hot. If I had to choose, I would plan a Fall wedding (10/10/09 would be possible because I'm weird and want the month and date to match, just like my birthday, 02/02); I think the temperature, outside lighting and scenery would be just right. So, it looks like Greg and I might have an actually wedding when we marry, which means I would have to plan a wedding! When Adam and I decided to wed, I did the invitations and my Mom and Grandma did the rest. There wasn't anything to really plan. I already knew I didn't want a traditional wedding, I felt it was a waste of money. So, my wedding was in Annapolis's court house and the following day, we had a BBQ at the Churchton house. Nothing special in my eyes. But, now that Greg and I are starting to talk about getting married and what not, I do want to make it special, though not extravagant. I would still rather spend the money on the honeymoon than the wedding. As of now, the honeymoon is still a 2 week European cruise. Greg has even shared this with some of his co-workers!

Sometimes, the relationship Greg and I have seems unreal. At times, I can't believe that Greg and I are actually in a relationship with each other. Don't get me wrong, I love this feeling of being in love with someone, the butterflies that he gives me when ever I see him or when he gives me a call at work. Greg, I swear, is probably one of the most amazing and caring people I've ever met. Sometimes, I wonder, when I compare the relationship I had with Adam to what I have with Greg, what was I thinking while I was with Adam? I know it's not fair to compare the two, but my feelings are night and day difference between them (comparing my feelings while with Adam vs. my feelings while with Greg). With Adam, I was in no hurry to actually marry him. We were engaged for about two years before I finally decided that we needed to either progress or move on without each other. Adam has absolutely no interested in the wedding details whatsoever. I would ask him for his opinion and he said he wasn't interested and that I could so whatever I wanted. Yet, when I would decide on something, later he would complain about some minute detail that he didn't like. Why did I marry Adam? I settled. Thus, my one life lesson to never repeat and the one thing I would change from my past if I could.

Greg, on the other hand, is someone that I can not wait to spend the rest of my life with. I can't wait until we buy our first house together and go on family vacations with Amelia (and maybe our future son or daughter) and just grow up together. Greg truly is someone I want to spend the rest of my life. And, this is something I've known, though denied myself, for a little over a year now and Greg has felt the same about me.

There was one point in time last year that I thought about 'dating' but I couldn't bring myself to actually start seeing other guys because I didn't want to 'phase' Greg out of my life. This was all before I knew I was pregnant. I was even talking to another guy and thought about meeting up with him one night in October. I told Greg about it (we were chatting via text messages) and he told me that he was feeling a bit jealous and was afraid to loose me (I did save those text messages). I've asked Greg on many occasions why he didn't tell me his feelings for me earlier and he replies that he was too afraid. Such a silly boy.

I'm not exactly sure why I've divulged myself into these thoughts. In anyevent, I am going to blame it on my cycle. But, if you think about it... at least I am not acting like a weeping girly girl, just feeling a little emotional in retrospect.

Well, I leave in a half hour to get Amelia and head over to Dr. PaPa. I am so curious to see how much Amelia weighs. I, on the other hand, am not excited about her getting shots and the mood she is in afterwards. I have a feeling Amelia will be going to bed early tonight.

Tomorrow, starts a new journey: being with Greg everyday.