Can you believe that I am all alone (well, Amelia is asleep at the moment) for the first time in a lllooonnnggg time? Yeah, it's so freaking nice. Greg had to run into work for about an hour and his Mom and brother Ken are out and about; so it's just me and Flickr. I love Flickr; though we're having a 'fight' at the moment (won't let me do a mass upload so I have to upload every single picture manually).
This weekend was fast and Great!
I honestly don't remember what happened on Friday after work...
Saturday was a busy day! Greg and I headed down to Waldorf at 1pm and the drive was probably one of the most scariest drives I've ever driven only because there were so many accidents that happened on 95 and 495, one of which I witnessed as it happened right behind me and freaked me out. This accident occurred on 495 and I am going to assume the funeral procession that was going on the opposite side of 495 distracted someone because the next thing I saw was a cloud of dust and then this blue car spinning all over the place in the middle of 495; it was like a scene out of a movie. I had such an adrenaline rush watching it and I nearly stopped to get out of the car to help (First Responder classes kicking in) but I didn't want to risk getting hit myself since I was sure it would have been a multi car accident.
We finally made it to Waldorf around 2:30 and met Mom at The Buffet where Amelia was waiting for us. Greg and I were in such a shock when we saw Amelia because Mom had her all dressed in jeans and a cute top and 2 little pig tails in her hair!! Amelia looked so much older than 7 months; it totally freaked Greg and I. We were like, 'where's our little girl?'.
After lunch, we headed over to April's and hung out for about an hour and on the way home, my girlfriend Michele called because she was in town (she lives in Hagerstown) and wanted to get together. We ended up meeting her at the Wal-Mart at Arundel Mills Mall since Greg and I had to get some diapers and we wanted to look at some condo things. It was nice to see Michele, I haven't seen her since March.
It was about 8pm when Greg and I made it home and Amelia didn't go to bed until 9!
Today, Sunday, Greg and I hung out at the apartment for a while; delaying the inevitable: Greg going to work on a Sunday. We finally left a little after 2pm, drove by his job and there were too many people there, so we went to Giant to get some more juice and cookies (damn cycle made me eat the rest of the Chips Ahoy!) and then to Staples where we bought a receipt book for the babysitter (in order to get my money back, I need the babysitters signature as proof of payment) and then to Target. I was surprised Greg and I only spent $50 at Target; I was expecting our total to me much higher since we picked up a huge box of Pampers, wipes, bottles, nipples, and other small items for Amelia. But, I'm not complaining.
Well, to conclude this entry, please enjoy this clip of Amelia eating her Peas and Toes for dinner last night:
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
12 August 2007
08 August 2007
whatdayoftheweekisit?
I work up this morning having no clue as to what day of the week it was. It was such a weird feeling...
Last night, I stopped by Greg's office, unannounced, and hung out for a few minutes while he finished making our 'Need/Want' List for the move next week. While he was working on that, I was chatting with Brooke and talking about the Ocean City Golfing Extravaganza in Sept., which sounds likes it's going to be a lot of fun!! Once Brooke left, Greg and I chatted about going out to dinner, even if it's a McDonalds and we eat inside rather than drive-thru; I just wanted to go out. We ended up going to Pizza Hut on Rt. 40. Our server was horrible and he totally messed up our order; but I didn't care because I was happy to be out and with Greg.
While waiting for our pizza, Greg and I chatted a little about a few things that were on my mind and then we focused on the 'Need/Want' List. Turns out that we don't need as many things as we thought we did. A majority of the items we need are for the two bathrooms (shower curtains, towels, rugs, accessories, etc) and things for Amelia's room (which it looks like a lot of people (ok, 4) feel that themes are a thing of the past for children's rooms), such as a lamp, bedding and such for her crib and a few other little things.
Another topic of discussion was brought on by someone that I had spoken to on the way to the Pizza Hut; an old 'FWB' that I met nearly three years ago. 'W' is engaged and has his wedding planned for this coming Oct (I am going to assume I wasn't invited, LOL); his bride-to-be doesn't know that 'W' still has a paid membership to an adult hook-up website and is still looking for fun (shoot, he's asked me many time this year to get together for 'lunch', to which I've declined and have told him that I am in love with Greg and am not interested in that friendship anymore); I asked 'W' why he's still looking and such and he had no real honest answer and mentioned something about his bride-to-be has expressed some, very little, interest in possibly having a third person join their 'party'. So, I asked him if his bride-to-be knows of the website and he said no and that he doesn't plan on telling about it anytime soon because she would freak if he told her. Umm, wouldn't that be a big flag to not do what you're doing? So, once I ended the conversation with 'W', I talked to Greg about it and asked how he would feel if he found out that I had a paid membership to said website and was actively looking without his knowledge. His reply is something that I would feel if I learned of the same. See, this is where communication is key in a relationship; Greg knows of every past 'FWB' that I speak with (on the rare occasion that a conversation with one of them (there are four that I talk to every now and then) occurs) and I tell him about the conversations of them on my own free will, he doesn't ask and I don't hide anything from him. Greg is an important person in my life, why would I not tell him what's going on in my life? Maybe I am more open than others, who knows, but that's just the way I am.
Oh, the Greg's review didn't happen last night; work was too busy, but it did happen this morning!! Greg's review was great and the raise was more than either of us were hoping for! Plus, the raise is effect immediately and will be reflected with the paycheck coming on Friday! Hooray!!! From our calculations, this check is going to be sweet and it may be more than enough to actually hire people to move our items next week, which is something we've been chatting about all morning via email. I am a little hesitant because I want to know for a fact that Greg and I are going to have more than enough money for next week and then for rent in September, which is two weeks after we move in! Greg understands my concerns but if pretty positive that we will be fine. It's awesome that Greg and I are paid on opposite weeks because every Friday, there will be a paycheck deposited into the joint account (as soon as our employers process the requests).
This move is getting very exciting and nerve wracking for me. I told Greg that I am afraid of a repeat of the 'life' I had with Adam once we moved in together; even though my heart is telling me that the life Greg and I will have together will be nothing like that of the past; but I can't help but worry. Also, I just realized that today would be my four year wedding anniversary if Adam and I were still together. I wonder if he remembers... meh, not important to wonder about those type of thoughts...
Oy! So much going on in my head!!! I'm missing Amelia a lot this week; I want to call Cousin April and see how's she doing, yet afraid because I remember how I felt after having Amelia; I need to talk to the Babysitter about having her sign a piece of paper stating that she is/has accepted money from me to watch Amelia so that I can be reimbursed; I'm hoping that my brother is doing well, financially, at his new place; wonder how my car is doing since it's been nearly 2 weeks since I handed it over to the repair shop... and many many more...
Last night, I stopped by Greg's office, unannounced, and hung out for a few minutes while he finished making our 'Need/Want' List for the move next week. While he was working on that, I was chatting with Brooke and talking about the Ocean City Golfing Extravaganza in Sept., which sounds likes it's going to be a lot of fun!! Once Brooke left, Greg and I chatted about going out to dinner, even if it's a McDonalds and we eat inside rather than drive-thru; I just wanted to go out. We ended up going to Pizza Hut on Rt. 40. Our server was horrible and he totally messed up our order; but I didn't care because I was happy to be out and with Greg.
While waiting for our pizza, Greg and I chatted a little about a few things that were on my mind and then we focused on the 'Need/Want' List. Turns out that we don't need as many things as we thought we did. A majority of the items we need are for the two bathrooms (shower curtains, towels, rugs, accessories, etc) and things for Amelia's room (which it looks like a lot of people (ok, 4) feel that themes are a thing of the past for children's rooms), such as a lamp, bedding and such for her crib and a few other little things.
Another topic of discussion was brought on by someone that I had spoken to on the way to the Pizza Hut; an old 'FWB' that I met nearly three years ago. 'W' is engaged and has his wedding planned for this coming Oct (I am going to assume I wasn't invited, LOL); his bride-to-be doesn't know that 'W' still has a paid membership to an adult hook-up website and is still looking for fun (shoot, he's asked me many time this year to get together for 'lunch', to which I've declined and have told him that I am in love with Greg and am not interested in that friendship anymore); I asked 'W' why he's still looking and such and he had no real honest answer and mentioned something about his bride-to-be has expressed some, very little, interest in possibly having a third person join their 'party'. So, I asked him if his bride-to-be knows of the website and he said no and that he doesn't plan on telling about it anytime soon because she would freak if he told her. Umm, wouldn't that be a big flag to not do what you're doing? So, once I ended the conversation with 'W', I talked to Greg about it and asked how he would feel if he found out that I had a paid membership to said website and was actively looking without his knowledge. His reply is something that I would feel if I learned of the same. See, this is where communication is key in a relationship; Greg knows of every past 'FWB' that I speak with (on the rare occasion that a conversation with one of them (there are four that I talk to every now and then) occurs) and I tell him about the conversations of them on my own free will, he doesn't ask and I don't hide anything from him. Greg is an important person in my life, why would I not tell him what's going on in my life? Maybe I am more open than others, who knows, but that's just the way I am.
Oh, the Greg's review didn't happen last night; work was too busy, but it did happen this morning!! Greg's review was great and the raise was more than either of us were hoping for! Plus, the raise is effect immediately and will be reflected with the paycheck coming on Friday! Hooray!!! From our calculations, this check is going to be sweet and it may be more than enough to actually hire people to move our items next week, which is something we've been chatting about all morning via email. I am a little hesitant because I want to know for a fact that Greg and I are going to have more than enough money for next week and then for rent in September, which is two weeks after we move in! Greg understands my concerns but if pretty positive that we will be fine. It's awesome that Greg and I are paid on opposite weeks because every Friday, there will be a paycheck deposited into the joint account (as soon as our employers process the requests).
This move is getting very exciting and nerve wracking for me. I told Greg that I am afraid of a repeat of the 'life' I had with Adam once we moved in together; even though my heart is telling me that the life Greg and I will have together will be nothing like that of the past; but I can't help but worry. Also, I just realized that today would be my four year wedding anniversary if Adam and I were still together. I wonder if he remembers... meh, not important to wonder about those type of thoughts...
Oy! So much going on in my head!!! I'm missing Amelia a lot this week; I want to call Cousin April and see how's she doing, yet afraid because I remember how I felt after having Amelia; I need to talk to the Babysitter about having her sign a piece of paper stating that she is/has accepted money from me to watch Amelia so that I can be reimbursed; I'm hoping that my brother is doing well, financially, at his new place; wonder how my car is doing since it's been nearly 2 weeks since I handed it over to the repair shop... and many many more...
02 August 2007
Strange Day
This day feels strange, but in a positive way. But, before I get to that, here are the events of last night:
This morning, Greg and I sleep in as late as possible (nearly 8am), again. We've got to stop going to bed so late! I swear I don't know what happens with the time from 8pm to 12am! Last night, I watched The King of Queens finale. It was a good episode. I missed it earlier this year. Greg and I were so confused because he haven't been keeping track of the episodes, so we had no clue that they broke up and stuff. And, in the end I thought they were going to go their separate ways (when they were talking on the airplane), but they didn't. Awww... In someways, the relationship that Greg and I have is very similar to that of the show (minus the father in-law living in their home; although I am living with Greg's Mom at the present), even Greg saw some similarities.
I went to the store last night after work. Greg and I are tired of having either spaghetti or chicken and salad for dinner (as we've had since moving in on 7/20). So, during the day Greg and I mulled over what to create with what we already have (which wasn't much of anything) and remembered that we have canned chicken, and decided to make chicken dip, kinda like crab dip but with chicken, and to also try to make it similar to that of Bill Bateman's. Surprisingly, it turned out pretty good! All I had to buy was the cream cheese and baguettes. But, while at the store, I bought more items (grapes, lunch items, and dinner for tonight). I spent $21. Greg and I are trying to spend as little money as possible until we have enough for the condo.
After The King of Queens, I took my shower and hung out in the bedroom until Top Chef came on. The episodes just aren't as exciting as last season. There's no Marcel-isk character; albeit, Joey and 'Bulldog' are close competitors.
Now, back to why this day is strange (to me)...
There is a position open within the company (formal email was sent out last night to the team). The position is 'Team Leader' and the duties aren't much more than the work that I am currently doing. I thought it over for a few minutes and decided that I wasn't going to apply for a few reasons; 1. Even though I've been here for a while, I still feel that I am 'new' since I was hired on in May; 2. Don't know if my attention span is reliable enough to do the job to my work ethic standards; and 3. Now that I have a baby, I don't know how reliable I will be (mainly if I have to miss work due to not having anyone to watch Amelia). I feel those are pretty reasonable reasons, right? Well, this morning as I was sitting at my desk reading my usual news and whatnot, I was approached by a co-worker, who isn't a CSR, enquiring if I was going to apply for the position. I had told that I hadn't planned on it and she began to urge me to submit my resume in a very suggestive manor. So, I am wondering if 'they' are hoping that I apply because 'they' feel that I am capable of the job. I wonder if there is a pay increase. In the mean time, I've been working on my resume and waiting for the perfect moment to talk to my supervisor and ask a few questions...
Also, this afternoon I learned that I have won a $50 Visa gift card!!! I forgot about a contest that we were running at work, and I came in second place! Yay me.
Wondering what's so strange about all of this? Well, it's strange because positive things are occurring and... and... I'm not used to this.
This morning, Greg and I sleep in as late as possible (nearly 8am), again. We've got to stop going to bed so late! I swear I don't know what happens with the time from 8pm to 12am! Last night, I watched The King of Queens finale. It was a good episode. I missed it earlier this year. Greg and I were so confused because he haven't been keeping track of the episodes, so we had no clue that they broke up and stuff. And, in the end I thought they were going to go their separate ways (when they were talking on the airplane), but they didn't. Awww... In someways, the relationship that Greg and I have is very similar to that of the show (minus the father in-law living in their home; although I am living with Greg's Mom at the present), even Greg saw some similarities.
I went to the store last night after work. Greg and I are tired of having either spaghetti or chicken and salad for dinner (as we've had since moving in on 7/20). So, during the day Greg and I mulled over what to create with what we already have (which wasn't much of anything) and remembered that we have canned chicken, and decided to make chicken dip, kinda like crab dip but with chicken, and to also try to make it similar to that of Bill Bateman's. Surprisingly, it turned out pretty good! All I had to buy was the cream cheese and baguettes. But, while at the store, I bought more items (grapes, lunch items, and dinner for tonight). I spent $21. Greg and I are trying to spend as little money as possible until we have enough for the condo.
After The King of Queens, I took my shower and hung out in the bedroom until Top Chef came on. The episodes just aren't as exciting as last season. There's no Marcel-isk character; albeit, Joey and 'Bulldog' are close competitors.
Now, back to why this day is strange (to me)...
There is a position open within the company (formal email was sent out last night to the team). The position is 'Team Leader' and the duties aren't much more than the work that I am currently doing. I thought it over for a few minutes and decided that I wasn't going to apply for a few reasons; 1. Even though I've been here for a while, I still feel that I am 'new' since I was hired on in May; 2. Don't know if my attention span is reliable enough to do the job to my work ethic standards; and 3. Now that I have a baby, I don't know how reliable I will be (mainly if I have to miss work due to not having anyone to watch Amelia). I feel those are pretty reasonable reasons, right? Well, this morning as I was sitting at my desk reading my usual news and whatnot, I was approached by a co-worker, who isn't a CSR, enquiring if I was going to apply for the position. I had told that I hadn't planned on it and she began to urge me to submit my resume in a very suggestive manor. So, I am wondering if 'they' are hoping that I apply because 'they' feel that I am capable of the job. I wonder if there is a pay increase. In the mean time, I've been working on my resume and waiting for the perfect moment to talk to my supervisor and ask a few questions...
Also, this afternoon I learned that I have won a $50 Visa gift card!!! I forgot about a contest that we were running at work, and I came in second place! Yay me.
Wondering what's so strange about all of this? Well, it's strange because positive things are occurring and... and... I'm not used to this.
19 July 2007
155
What does 155 mean? Well, this would be my 155th post here. I have 117 on MySpace.
Today has been unique. I haven't been at my desk much of the day, and here is why:
I get in at 9am. Yummy! Work provided breakfast for all; we have muffins, danishes, bagels, and an assortment of fresh fruit.
At 10:22am, we have our quarterly 'Town Hall' meeting. Very interesting meeting; learned about the company's raises (like when they're suppose to happen), products the company is going to try to gain new customers, etc.
Return to my desk at 12:15pm and immediately go on my lunch break (after my potty break). And, lunch was provided by Work, and catered by Macaroni Grill. I have the chicken and pasta with a Caesar salad. Yummy in my tummy.
So, that's what I've been up to this morning, in a nutshell.
Last night, Greg and I went to the storage place and unloaded some items that we've been carrying around in our cars. Afterwards, we went to Denny's for dinner. I just didn't feel like cooking last night.
Last night was pretty uneventful. We didn't do much of anything. Sean and Aaron have started packing the living room and we began discussing who is taking what and such.
Greg and I talked a bit more last night about things and eventually he told me that he doesn't want to talk about 'it' anymore (I was asking way too many questions about something; nothing about Greg and I and our future). So, I kinda dropped it. I, honestly, just wasn't feeling very chipper last night; if anything I was feeling kinda depressed. I had no real reason that I could my finger on for my depressed feeling though, so that kinda annoyed me. And, if I had to take a stab at what might be the reason, though my conscious mind isn't proving this, it would be that I am homeless come this weekend. I've never not had a place that I was a part of, well since Mom and Van met. This whole Greg and I finding a place to live has really dampened my spirits, I guess (again, can't confirm this 'theory' since my conscious mind isn't really telling me this, or so I don't think) *Mental Note: Never eat chocolate muffines; too messy and sticky*
Blaaahhh. I have a wicked headache, still. And can not find my Aleive.. bbbooo...
On the bright side, Greg sent me an email informing me to "So mark your calendar. Aug **th. MBC and friends gain 50lbs at the Orioles game. heheheheh. They were most excited about the all you can eat deal." Earlier this week or sometime last week, Greg told me that the Orioles are hosting "All-You-Can-Eat Left Field Club for the remainder of the season. The tickets are $35 per person and you can eat all you want on hot dogs, nachos, popcorn, soda, and so much more! Click on the link for more details.
I think I am done for now. I really can't remember what else I wanted to write about and this headache is really starting to get to me (moving down to my ears and neck now). I want a nap!
Today has been unique. I haven't been at my desk much of the day, and here is why:
So, that's what I've been up to this morning, in a nutshell.
Last night, Greg and I went to the storage place and unloaded some items that we've been carrying around in our cars. Afterwards, we went to Denny's for dinner. I just didn't feel like cooking last night.
Last night was pretty uneventful. We didn't do much of anything. Sean and Aaron have started packing the living room and we began discussing who is taking what and such.
Greg and I talked a bit more last night about things and eventually he told me that he doesn't want to talk about 'it' anymore (I was asking way too many questions about something; nothing about Greg and I and our future). So, I kinda dropped it. I, honestly, just wasn't feeling very chipper last night; if anything I was feeling kinda depressed. I had no real reason that I could my finger on for my depressed feeling though, so that kinda annoyed me. And, if I had to take a stab at what might be the reason, though my conscious mind isn't proving this, it would be that I am homeless come this weekend. I've never not had a place that I was a part of, well since Mom and Van met. This whole Greg and I finding a place to live has really dampened my spirits, I guess (again, can't confirm this 'theory' since my conscious mind isn't really telling me this, or so I don't think) *Mental Note: Never eat chocolate muffines; too messy and sticky*
Blaaahhh. I have a wicked headache, still. And can not find my Aleive.. bbbooo...
On the bright side, Greg sent me an email informing me to "So mark your calendar. Aug **th. MBC and friends gain 50lbs at the Orioles game. heheheheh. They were most excited about the all you can eat deal." Earlier this week or sometime last week, Greg told me that the Orioles are hosting "All-You-Can-Eat Left Field Club for the remainder of the season. The tickets are $35 per person and you can eat all you want on hot dogs, nachos, popcorn, soda, and so much more! Click on the link for more details.
I think I am done for now. I really can't remember what else I wanted to write about and this headache is really starting to get to me (moving down to my ears and neck now). I want a nap!
18 July 2007
Wednesday Babble
Happy Birthday, Momma!
Today is my Mom's 48th Birthday. Yeah, she's young (was 19 when she had me). My Grandma is only 67 years old; yeah, no kidding. I called my Mom this morning to wish her a happy birthday and we chatted for a bit. Talked about her Vegas Extravaganza and the birthday presents I gave her last month (Ice Tea Maker, I Love Lucy purse, and digital meat thermometer - all of which she loves) and her plans for the day (nothing special. She was just excited she found a farrier for the horse, Lucy).
Happy Birthday, Pat!
Today is Greg's brother, Pat, birthday as well. I believe he's turning 26. Pat is at some training camp in the west, I believe. Pat did call Greg last night and they chatted a bit and Greg was able to wish him a happy birthday (though, he would have forgotten if I hadn't of gone through Greg's calendar at work and marked everyone birthdays for him; what would he do without me?), but the main reason Pat called Greg was to tell him that he left milk in the refrigerator at his old apartment and to see if he could remove it before he had to turn in the keys. Eww!
Ok, now that the birthday wishes are done, let's continue with our normally scheduled program, shall we?
Last night after work, I headed over to Target to pick up the pictures I ordered on 7/12/07. I was surprised at how well they, mostly, turned out. Some were a little pixel-lated whereas others you couldn't tell if was from a 'normal' camera or digital. So, with my mind on Scrap booking, I decided to look at scrap booking stuff. Oy! So much to choose from! But, I did well and didn't buy anything... until... I walked towards the end of the isle, where they usually place their clearance items and saw what I've been wanting to buy since Amelia was born: A Memory Book; you know, the ones where you save pictures of their first hair cut, first Christmas and Halloween, First day of school, etc. The book was on clearance for..... $4.98!!! Yeah, that's all! So, I HAD to buy it (especially since the cheapest I've seen was about $20 at Babies-R-Us or the Hallmark store). It was a no brainer for me. Then, I walked down some more isles to see if I could find anything interesting for dinner, I didn't, but decided to buy a big jar of nuts. So, I walked out of Target only spending $11.55. I feel special.
Now, while at Target, Amelia was so giddy! She was actually laughing while in the isles! She would laugh every time I went "Boo" to her or would push the cart a little fast and then slow it down. It was so hilarious! I was tempted to call Greg and my Mom so they could hear how much she was laughing, but I couldn't keep a decent cell signal in the store. Then, I thought about recording her laugh to make it my ring tone, but I didn't want the sound of me going "Boo" to be in it. So, I wait a little longer for her to laugh at any and everything. I think it will be very soon.
I arrive home around 7:30 and take Amelia upstairs into my room and just lay on the bed with her and play. Sean comes in and lays on the bed too and plays with Amelia as well. Amelia licked Sean's nose.
Around 8pm, I put Amelia to bed (it's so cute to watch her rub her eyes...) and head down stairs to make dinner (pork chops, again). Greg arrives at 8:20, he was late (at which I told him he would be and he tried to deny that he would be late). We eat dinner and watch "America's Got Talent". Somewhere between 8:30 and 9:00, Greg goes upstairs, I didn't head up until 9:30. Greg was playing DD when I got to my room and I lied next to him and watched him play and began to give him directions on where to go and who was waiting for their food, etc. He lost. Afterwards, we laid in bed, in the dark, and talked. We did some deep talking. We talked for nearly an hour about a lot of relationship things (mainly his past relationships and the 'warning flags' that he ignored; about his best friend Jeff; and a little about our relationship and our future together). Now, mind you when I went upstairs at 9:30, it was to get a little action, if you know what I mean. So, when we started talking about relationships from the past and many of the other topics (which I won't mention here), by the time I began to change the subject, he wasn't really feeling 'it'. But, me wanting what I wanted I ended up getting it. LOL. It's a little joke that Greg and I have, between us. So, finally around 11:30, we head for sleepyland.
Today, this morning, I was late for work. Amelia and Greg were taking their sweet time getting ready! Then, I had to make lunch for Greg and me, which took nearly 20 minutes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I'm just writing this because it something to write about.
I arrive at work about 5 minutes late. I had my Target bag with the pictures and Memory book, as well as my new tags (which I didn't put on last night; what can I say - i was lazy), though I don't know why I brought the tags... oh wait, now I do... because I wanted to bring the registration card before it gets lost in the townhouse... duh. So, as soon as I am at my desk, I share the pictures with my supervisor, who shares them with another co-worker, finally around 10am, she brings them back to my desk and then I begin my Memory Book Extravaganza! It has been interesting and enjoyable. There are so many things I have to wait for, though. But, the book in itself is neat because I can create my own pages and add them to the book, which I think I will do in the near future. So far, the only thing I've created is the Father's Day Page, along with filling out the story of when I found out I was pregnant, her birth information, and things along that nature.
I just received the following email from my roommate, Aaron:
-----Original Message-----
From: AARON GREENFIELD [mailto:agreenfield@*********.us]
Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2007 1:45 PM
To: Jessica D
Subject: yo
Hey cool kid. How's your day goin so far. Im ready to go home. do you wanna set off those fire works tonight?
My reply:
Sure!
Damn, you must be really bored to be sending me an email!
Anyway, I am feeling pretty energetic at the moment, though I don't' really know why. Maybe it has something to do with the skittles I ate with my lunch, but who knows.
Oh, as for yesterdays post about being focused. Yeah, I failed. I didn't even complete half of the accounts. Meh. Guess I could do it now...
I think I will start some work today...
Until then, Ciao!
Today is my Mom's 48th Birthday. Yeah, she's young (was 19 when she had me). My Grandma is only 67 years old; yeah, no kidding. I called my Mom this morning to wish her a happy birthday and we chatted for a bit. Talked about her Vegas Extravaganza and the birthday presents I gave her last month (Ice Tea Maker, I Love Lucy purse, and digital meat thermometer - all of which she loves) and her plans for the day (nothing special. She was just excited she found a farrier for the horse, Lucy).
Happy Birthday, Pat!
Today is Greg's brother, Pat, birthday as well. I believe he's turning 26. Pat is at some training camp in the west, I believe. Pat did call Greg last night and they chatted a bit and Greg was able to wish him a happy birthday (though, he would have forgotten if I hadn't of gone through Greg's calendar at work and marked everyone birthdays for him; what would he do without me?), but the main reason Pat called Greg was to tell him that he left milk in the refrigerator at his old apartment and to see if he could remove it before he had to turn in the keys. Eww!
Ok, now that the birthday wishes are done, let's continue with our normally scheduled program, shall we?
Last night after work, I headed over to Target to pick up the pictures I ordered on 7/12/07. I was surprised at how well they, mostly, turned out. Some were a little pixel-lated whereas others you couldn't tell if was from a 'normal' camera or digital. So, with my mind on Scrap booking, I decided to look at scrap booking stuff. Oy! So much to choose from! But, I did well and didn't buy anything... until... I walked towards the end of the isle, where they usually place their clearance items and saw what I've been wanting to buy since Amelia was born: A Memory Book; you know, the ones where you save pictures of their first hair cut, first Christmas and Halloween, First day of school, etc. The book was on clearance for..... $4.98!!! Yeah, that's all! So, I HAD to buy it (especially since the cheapest I've seen was about $20 at Babies-R-Us or the Hallmark store). It was a no brainer for me. Then, I walked down some more isles to see if I could find anything interesting for dinner, I didn't, but decided to buy a big jar of nuts. So, I walked out of Target only spending $11.55. I feel special.
Now, while at Target, Amelia was so giddy! She was actually laughing while in the isles! She would laugh every time I went "Boo" to her or would push the cart a little fast and then slow it down. It was so hilarious! I was tempted to call Greg and my Mom so they could hear how much she was laughing, but I couldn't keep a decent cell signal in the store. Then, I thought about recording her laugh to make it my ring tone, but I didn't want the sound of me going "Boo" to be in it. So, I wait a little longer for her to laugh at any and everything. I think it will be very soon.
I arrive home around 7:30 and take Amelia upstairs into my room and just lay on the bed with her and play. Sean comes in and lays on the bed too and plays with Amelia as well. Amelia licked Sean's nose.
Around 8pm, I put Amelia to bed (it's so cute to watch her rub her eyes...) and head down stairs to make dinner (pork chops, again). Greg arrives at 8:20, he was late (at which I told him he would be and he tried to deny that he would be late). We eat dinner and watch "America's Got Talent". Somewhere between 8:30 and 9:00, Greg goes upstairs, I didn't head up until 9:30. Greg was playing DD when I got to my room and I lied next to him and watched him play and began to give him directions on where to go and who was waiting for their food, etc. He lost. Afterwards, we laid in bed, in the dark, and talked. We did some deep talking. We talked for nearly an hour about a lot of relationship things (mainly his past relationships and the 'warning flags' that he ignored; about his best friend Jeff; and a little about our relationship and our future together). Now, mind you when I went upstairs at 9:30, it was to get a little action, if you know what I mean. So, when we started talking about relationships from the past and many of the other topics (which I won't mention here), by the time I began to change the subject, he wasn't really feeling 'it'. But, me wanting what I wanted I ended up getting it. LOL. It's a little joke that Greg and I have, between us. So, finally around 11:30, we head for sleepyland.
Today, this morning, I was late for work. Amelia and Greg were taking their sweet time getting ready! Then, I had to make lunch for Greg and me, which took nearly 20 minutes. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining, I'm just writing this because it something to write about.
I arrive at work about 5 minutes late. I had my Target bag with the pictures and Memory book, as well as my new tags (which I didn't put on last night; what can I say - i was lazy), though I don't know why I brought the tags... oh wait, now I do... because I wanted to bring the registration card before it gets lost in the townhouse... duh. So, as soon as I am at my desk, I share the pictures with my supervisor, who shares them with another co-worker, finally around 10am, she brings them back to my desk and then I begin my Memory Book Extravaganza! It has been interesting and enjoyable. There are so many things I have to wait for, though. But, the book in itself is neat because I can create my own pages and add them to the book, which I think I will do in the near future. So far, the only thing I've created is the Father's Day Page, along with filling out the story of when I found out I was pregnant, her birth information, and things along that nature.
I just received the following email from my roommate, Aaron:
-----Original Message-----
From: AARON GREENFIELD [mailto:agreenfield@*********.us]
Sent: Wednesday, July 18, 2007 1:45 PM
To: Jessica D
Subject: yo
Hey cool kid. How's your day goin so far. Im ready to go home. do you wanna set off those fire works tonight?
My reply:
Sure!
Damn, you must be really bored to be sending me an email!
Anyway, I am feeling pretty energetic at the moment, though I don't' really know why. Maybe it has something to do with the skittles I ate with my lunch, but who knows.
Oh, as for yesterdays post about being focused. Yeah, I failed. I didn't even complete half of the accounts. Meh. Guess I could do it now...
I think I will start some work today...
Until then, Ciao!
13 July 2007
Thoughtful Friday
Yeah, nothing to really title this entry. I do try to keep the titles a little interesting, but some days the creative portion of my brain just isn't creative. I am going to assume for today, the creative portion is on a coffee break as I write.
Yesterday I went through my Flickr photos and selected a few, more like 27, for print. I am going to attempt this scrap booking thing. I selected photos from the first five months of Amelia's life and some of the outings we went (Cunningham Falls, O's game of Father's Day, etc) to as we all the Holidays we've had, thus far. My plan is to create a page of each 'event'. I don't when I am actually going to start this project with the move and all this weekend (for me) and next weekend (for Sean and Aaron), plus trying to save money for when ever Greg and I actually find a place to live on our own. But, on the bright side, the pictures I selected for print will only cost me $3.15 and I can go get them at the Target in Ellicott City (which I thought about picking up last night, but Greg wasn't interested in meeting me there and mentioned something about traffic being a nightmare).
Last night, I felt so... melancholy; just not with it emotionally. I spent two hours doing something I should have, even though it didn't really have an effect on me emotionally, but I was curious and such. During that two hour span, I spoke with my Mom for about 45 minutes. We chatted about the move, her trip next week to Las Vegas, the email we received from her Mom, my Grandma, about their vacation in Alaska and Canada (cruise, tours, the whole nine yards), as well as other 'girly' things. Around 10pm, we hung up; Sean and Aaron come home and I head up stairs for my shower and bed. Around 11pm, I try to call Greg but he was having cell phone difficulties and I was becoming frustrated. I felt a strong need to talk to Greg last night and his cell phone carrier was preventing us from talking. Finally, after nearly 15 minutes of attempts, I just left him a voicemail. After about 3-5 minutes of silence, Greg calls and we were able to hold a 12 minute conversation that wasn't interrupted by gargle and other non-comprehensive noises. I told Greg what I did last night and why I did it. He asked a few questions about why I did it and all; he wasn't upset or anything, but I felt like talking to him about it. Then, I asked what he did for the night and he told me that he played a little on the computer (games), consolidated one of his tubs, threw away a lot of old pictures from his last relationship, and talked to his Mom about me moving in this weekend. I asked why he threw away his old pictures and he pretty much did it for the same reasons I didn't keep my wedding pictures; one chapter closed and moving on. As for the conversation with his Mom about me moving in, she was hoping to have one more week to get ready, but if I have to move in this weekend, then I have to.
Also, last night Greg and I talked about our future wedding; just a little. I asked him if he wanted something more than a 'court house ceremony' and he said yes, which did surprise me. Then I asked what time of year would he like to marry. We didn't pick a season, but I suggested Fall for all the pretty colors. I think a winter wedding, though beautiful if there is snow, would be too risky for any type of weather related reasons for cancellation (as many birthday parties of mine were cancelled due to snow). Spring is an option as well. Summer, is too typical and can be hot. If I had to choose, I would plan a Fall wedding (10/10/09 would be possible because I'm weird and want the month and date to match, just like my birthday, 02/02); I think the temperature, outside lighting and scenery would be just right. So, it looks like Greg and I might have an actually wedding when we marry, which means I would have to plan a wedding! When Adam and I decided to wed, I did the invitations and my Mom and Grandma did the rest. There wasn't anything to really plan. I already knew I didn't want a traditional wedding, I felt it was a waste of money. So, my wedding was in Annapolis's court house and the following day, we had a BBQ at the Churchton house. Nothing special in my eyes. But, now that Greg and I are starting to talk about getting married and what not, I do want to make it special, though not extravagant. I would still rather spend the money on the honeymoon than the wedding. As of now, the honeymoon is still a 2 week European cruise. Greg has even shared this with some of his co-workers!
Sometimes, the relationship Greg and I have seems unreal. At times, I can't believe that Greg and I are actually in a relationship with each other. Don't get me wrong, I love this feeling of being in love with someone, the butterflies that he gives me when ever I see him or when he gives me a call at work. Greg, I swear, is probably one of the most amazing and caring people I've ever met. Sometimes, I wonder, when I compare the relationship I had with Adam to what I have with Greg, what was I thinking while I was with Adam? I know it's not fair to compare the two, but my feelings are night and day difference between them (comparing my feelings while with Adam vs. my feelings while with Greg). With Adam, I was in no hurry to actually marry him. We were engaged for about two years before I finally decided that we needed to either progress or move on without each other. Adam has absolutely no interested in the wedding details whatsoever. I would ask him for his opinion and he said he wasn't interested and that I could so whatever I wanted. Yet, when I would decide on something, later he would complain about some minute detail that he didn't like. Why did I marry Adam? I settled. Thus, my one life lesson to never repeat and the one thing I would change from my past if I could.
Greg, on the other hand, is someone that I can not wait to spend the rest of my life with. I can't wait until we buy our first house together and go on family vacations with Amelia (and maybe our future son or daughter) and just grow up together. Greg truly is someone I want to spend the rest of my life. And, this is something I've known, though denied myself, for a little over a year now and Greg has felt the same about me.
There was one point in time last year that I thought about 'dating' but I couldn't bring myself to actually start seeing other guys because I didn't want to 'phase' Greg out of my life. This was all before I knew I was pregnant. I was even talking to another guy and thought about meeting up with him one night in October. I told Greg about it (we were chatting via text messages) and he told me that he was feeling a bit jealous and was afraid to loose me (I did save those text messages). I've asked Greg on many occasions why he didn't tell me his feelings for me earlier and he replies that he was too afraid. Such a silly boy.
I'm not exactly sure why I've divulged myself into these thoughts. In anyevent, I am going to blame it on my cycle. But, if you think about it... at least I am not acting like a weeping girly girl, just feeling a little emotional in retrospect.
Well, I leave in a half hour to get Amelia and head over to Dr. PaPa. I am so curious to see how much Amelia weighs. I, on the other hand, am not excited about her getting shots and the mood she is in afterwards. I have a feeling Amelia will be going to bed early tonight.
Tomorrow, starts a new journey: being with Greg everyday.
Yesterday I went through my Flickr photos and selected a few, more like 27, for print. I am going to attempt this scrap booking thing. I selected photos from the first five months of Amelia's life and some of the outings we went (Cunningham Falls, O's game of Father's Day, etc) to as we all the Holidays we've had, thus far. My plan is to create a page of each 'event'. I don't when I am actually going to start this project with the move and all this weekend (for me) and next weekend (for Sean and Aaron), plus trying to save money for when ever Greg and I actually find a place to live on our own. But, on the bright side, the pictures I selected for print will only cost me $3.15 and I can go get them at the Target in Ellicott City (which I thought about picking up last night, but Greg wasn't interested in meeting me there and mentioned something about traffic being a nightmare).
Last night, I felt so... melancholy; just not with it emotionally. I spent two hours doing something I should have, even though it didn't really have an effect on me emotionally, but I was curious and such. During that two hour span, I spoke with my Mom for about 45 minutes. We chatted about the move, her trip next week to Las Vegas, the email we received from her Mom, my Grandma, about their vacation in Alaska and Canada (cruise, tours, the whole nine yards), as well as other 'girly' things. Around 10pm, we hung up; Sean and Aaron come home and I head up stairs for my shower and bed. Around 11pm, I try to call Greg but he was having cell phone difficulties and I was becoming frustrated. I felt a strong need to talk to Greg last night and his cell phone carrier was preventing us from talking. Finally, after nearly 15 minutes of attempts, I just left him a voicemail. After about 3-5 minutes of silence, Greg calls and we were able to hold a 12 minute conversation that wasn't interrupted by gargle and other non-comprehensive noises. I told Greg what I did last night and why I did it. He asked a few questions about why I did it and all; he wasn't upset or anything, but I felt like talking to him about it. Then, I asked what he did for the night and he told me that he played a little on the computer (games), consolidated one of his tubs, threw away a lot of old pictures from his last relationship, and talked to his Mom about me moving in this weekend. I asked why he threw away his old pictures and he pretty much did it for the same reasons I didn't keep my wedding pictures; one chapter closed and moving on. As for the conversation with his Mom about me moving in, she was hoping to have one more week to get ready, but if I have to move in this weekend, then I have to.
Also, last night Greg and I talked about our future wedding; just a little. I asked him if he wanted something more than a 'court house ceremony' and he said yes, which did surprise me. Then I asked what time of year would he like to marry. We didn't pick a season, but I suggested Fall for all the pretty colors. I think a winter wedding, though beautiful if there is snow, would be too risky for any type of weather related reasons for cancellation (as many birthday parties of mine were cancelled due to snow). Spring is an option as well. Summer, is too typical and can be hot. If I had to choose, I would plan a Fall wedding (10/10/09 would be possible because I'm weird and want the month and date to match, just like my birthday, 02/02); I think the temperature, outside lighting and scenery would be just right. So, it looks like Greg and I might have an actually wedding when we marry, which means I would have to plan a wedding! When Adam and I decided to wed, I did the invitations and my Mom and Grandma did the rest. There wasn't anything to really plan. I already knew I didn't want a traditional wedding, I felt it was a waste of money. So, my wedding was in Annapolis's court house and the following day, we had a BBQ at the Churchton house. Nothing special in my eyes. But, now that Greg and I are starting to talk about getting married and what not, I do want to make it special, though not extravagant. I would still rather spend the money on the honeymoon than the wedding. As of now, the honeymoon is still a 2 week European cruise. Greg has even shared this with some of his co-workers!
Sometimes, the relationship Greg and I have seems unreal. At times, I can't believe that Greg and I are actually in a relationship with each other. Don't get me wrong, I love this feeling of being in love with someone, the butterflies that he gives me when ever I see him or when he gives me a call at work. Greg, I swear, is probably one of the most amazing and caring people I've ever met. Sometimes, I wonder, when I compare the relationship I had with Adam to what I have with Greg, what was I thinking while I was with Adam? I know it's not fair to compare the two, but my feelings are night and day difference between them (comparing my feelings while with Adam vs. my feelings while with Greg). With Adam, I was in no hurry to actually marry him. We were engaged for about two years before I finally decided that we needed to either progress or move on without each other. Adam has absolutely no interested in the wedding details whatsoever. I would ask him for his opinion and he said he wasn't interested and that I could so whatever I wanted. Yet, when I would decide on something, later he would complain about some minute detail that he didn't like. Why did I marry Adam? I settled. Thus, my one life lesson to never repeat and the one thing I would change from my past if I could.
Greg, on the other hand, is someone that I can not wait to spend the rest of my life with. I can't wait until we buy our first house together and go on family vacations with Amelia (and maybe our future son or daughter) and just grow up together. Greg truly is someone I want to spend the rest of my life. And, this is something I've known, though denied myself, for a little over a year now and Greg has felt the same about me.
There was one point in time last year that I thought about 'dating' but I couldn't bring myself to actually start seeing other guys because I didn't want to 'phase' Greg out of my life. This was all before I knew I was pregnant. I was even talking to another guy and thought about meeting up with him one night in October. I told Greg about it (we were chatting via text messages) and he told me that he was feeling a bit jealous and was afraid to loose me (I did save those text messages). I've asked Greg on many occasions why he didn't tell me his feelings for me earlier and he replies that he was too afraid. Such a silly boy.
I'm not exactly sure why I've divulged myself into these thoughts. In anyevent, I am going to blame it on my cycle. But, if you think about it... at least I am not acting like a weeping girly girl, just feeling a little emotional in retrospect.
Well, I leave in a half hour to get Amelia and head over to Dr. PaPa. I am so curious to see how much Amelia weighs. I, on the other hand, am not excited about her getting shots and the mood she is in afterwards. I have a feeling Amelia will be going to bed early tonight.
Tomorrow, starts a new journey: being with Greg everyday.
27 June 2007
Here We Go Again...
Greg stopped by his complex and dropped off all the paperwork.
I've got that nervous/excited butterfly feeling in my stomach. I don't know why, exactly, but it's there. I am nervous about being rejected, again, yet he's already on a lease at this complex, so there shouldn't be any reason, other than me, for them to reject our application. Ugh! So, now we wait.
In the mean time, I've been chatting with my Cousin April via email today. I was asking how her doctors appointment went on Monday (since her mucus plus has started to 'fall out') and April said the appointment was fine and that she's only thinning out but not dilating. My cousin is so ready to have this baby! LOL I told her that I could relate! Then, April and I started to talk about our boyfriends and marriage. She asked if Greg and I have talked about getting married and I replied and then she wrote this about Greg:
"I'm glad your going to stay with Greg (Me: Like there was going to be any chance I would leave Greg) I really like him he's a nice guy!! Everyone likes him! Even Clayton's family was talking about how nice of a guy he was! :) And how cute Amelia was!! She really is freaking adorable!! "
I sent that email to Greg. It makes me feel good to hear that everyone likes Greg. Not very many people in my family liked Adam; he never looked like he was having fun or smiled that much. I tried to be optimistic and kept telling everyone that he is happy, just shy. Yeah, I was pretty much telling that to myself rather than believing it. I did that for a while; telling myself things to cover what my heart was trying to tell me. And, finally, I stopped lying to myself and took necessary action to see what everyone else was seeing to make myself happy. And, that is why this Friday I am submitting the divorce papers.
I am starting to miss Amelia. It's so weird to hear her in the background whenever I talk to my Mom (which is usually about 3-4 times a day). Mom told me yesterday that she caught Amelia licking her toes! LOL I warned Mom that Amelia has begun the licking phase.
I am trying to distract my mind from the apartment complex. I really hope we hear from them soon.
As I type, I am on hold with the other complex that I was supposed to move into tomorrow about my deposit and to make sure the office person did, in fact, submit my refund and to have it marked at urgent. From my impression when I asked, I don't think she did. But, I will find out soon... I hope... depending on when she returns to the phone...
Two and a half minutes on hold...
Finally, after a little over four minutes of waiting, I am informed that they CAN NOT (or will not) expedite my refund. Fuckers.
I've got that nervous/excited butterfly feeling in my stomach. I don't know why, exactly, but it's there. I am nervous about being rejected, again, yet he's already on a lease at this complex, so there shouldn't be any reason, other than me, for them to reject our application. Ugh! So, now we wait.
In the mean time, I've been chatting with my Cousin April via email today. I was asking how her doctors appointment went on Monday (since her mucus plus has started to 'fall out') and April said the appointment was fine and that she's only thinning out but not dilating. My cousin is so ready to have this baby! LOL I told her that I could relate! Then, April and I started to talk about our boyfriends and marriage. She asked if Greg and I have talked about getting married and I replied and then she wrote this about Greg:
"I'm glad your going to stay with Greg (Me: Like there was going to be any chance I would leave Greg) I really like him he's a nice guy!! Everyone likes him! Even Clayton's family was talking about how nice of a guy he was! :) And how cute Amelia was!! She really is freaking adorable!! "
I sent that email to Greg. It makes me feel good to hear that everyone likes Greg. Not very many people in my family liked Adam; he never looked like he was having fun or smiled that much. I tried to be optimistic and kept telling everyone that he is happy, just shy. Yeah, I was pretty much telling that to myself rather than believing it. I did that for a while; telling myself things to cover what my heart was trying to tell me. And, finally, I stopped lying to myself and took necessary action to see what everyone else was seeing to make myself happy. And, that is why this Friday I am submitting the divorce papers.
I am starting to miss Amelia. It's so weird to hear her in the background whenever I talk to my Mom (which is usually about 3-4 times a day). Mom told me yesterday that she caught Amelia licking her toes! LOL I warned Mom that Amelia has begun the licking phase.
I am trying to distract my mind from the apartment complex. I really hope we hear from them soon.
As I type, I am on hold with the other complex that I was supposed to move into tomorrow about my deposit and to make sure the office person did, in fact, submit my refund and to have it marked at urgent. From my impression when I asked, I don't think she did. But, I will find out soon... I hope... depending on when she returns to the phone...
Two and a half minutes on hold...
Finally, after a little over four minutes of waiting, I am informed that they CAN NOT (or will not) expedite my refund. Fuckers.
Re: Date Night
Greg and I had a great time last night!
Once he finished up, we left and headed over to Famous Dave's. There was no wait for a table and all the food came out rather quickly. The service could have been a little better, but I tipped accordingly.
It was funny, as Greg and I were waiting for our food, we were chatting away and such, then once the food arrived, we hardly spoke. We were so hungry!
After dinner, we drove back to his office (since we only took one car) and we ended up getting his hair cut and I got my eye brows waxed, finally! I also did a little shopping at GameStop. I bought 2 new games for my Nintendo DS; Monkey Ball and Diner Dash. I have loved Diner Dash since it came out. I even bought the software for my old laptop. I've thought about buying the version for my cellphone but I just don't think it's practical.
So, when Greg and I said our good bye's, I headed straight home, said hi to Aaron, went upstairs, took a shower and then played Dinar Dash for about an hour. Finally, around 11:30, I stopped because I would have stayed up all night playing. I called Greg to say good night and went to bed.
It felt so good to sleep! I was relaxed and comfortable; except for when Oliver would flop his hairy tail right next to me and take up half the bed. You'd be surprised at how much bed space a small cat can take.
Once he finished up, we left and headed over to Famous Dave's. There was no wait for a table and all the food came out rather quickly. The service could have been a little better, but I tipped accordingly.
It was funny, as Greg and I were waiting for our food, we were chatting away and such, then once the food arrived, we hardly spoke. We were so hungry!
After dinner, we drove back to his office (since we only took one car) and we ended up getting his hair cut and I got my eye brows waxed, finally! I also did a little shopping at GameStop. I bought 2 new games for my Nintendo DS; Monkey Ball and Diner Dash. I have loved Diner Dash since it came out. I even bought the software for my old laptop. I've thought about buying the version for my cellphone but I just don't think it's practical.
So, when Greg and I said our good bye's, I headed straight home, said hi to Aaron, went upstairs, took a shower and then played Dinar Dash for about an hour. Finally, around 11:30, I stopped because I would have stayed up all night playing. I called Greg to say good night and went to bed.
It felt so good to sleep! I was relaxed and comfortable; except for when Oliver would flop his hairy tail right next to me and take up half the bed. You'd be surprised at how much bed space a small cat can take.
26 June 2007
Date Night!
So, here I sit at Greg's office.
I helped Greg with some of his work; me folding tab thingys. Such fun.
As I was helping Greg, I asked where he would like to go for dinner. It is a rare day that we have no baby to take care of and have the extra money to spend on us! So, Greg and I have going on a date tonight!
We have decided to go to Famous Dave's in Columbia! Yummy! I can't wait until Greg is finished with his transmittles so we can leave.
Right now, Greg and I are debating if he should get his hair-cut tonight or wait. The reason we are debating is because we are both very hungry.
I helped Greg with some of his work; me folding tab thingys. Such fun.
As I was helping Greg, I asked where he would like to go for dinner. It is a rare day that we have no baby to take care of and have the extra money to spend on us! So, Greg and I have going on a date tonight!
We have decided to go to Famous Dave's in Columbia! Yummy! I can't wait until Greg is finished with his transmittles so we can leave.
Right now, Greg and I are debating if he should get his hair-cut tonight or wait. The reason we are debating is because we are both very hungry.
The Sweet Greg-ola!
Do you know what I love most about us?
You.
" Jess,
I wish I could write so much of what I feel. I know things are tough right now, but we'll make it through. You mean the world to me. I love you with all my heart.
Greg
XOXOXOXOXOXO "
Last night, I was still in a funk of a mood. I didn't talk much to my brother or Aaron and just putted around the townhouse. Around 7:30, Greg calls and we chat for a few. I wasn't really in the mood to talk. He stated that he was a little sadden that I hadn't called, like I normally do, and that he shouldn't be much longer at work. After the conversation, I start my laundry and fix something for dinner (chicken nuggets and frozen pizza; Yum!). Around 8:30, I head upstairs for my room and call Greg to see what his E.T.A is. He informs me that he's just getting off of Rt 100 and that he's going to stop at the store for toilet paper, ice, and soda, all of which we were out. So, I just lay in bed and watch TV. About 20 minutes later I hear Greg walk in the door and start to put the items away. After a few minutes he asks me to come down stairs. So, I get up and walk down stairs. Greg is in the kitchen and on the counter is a Strawberry Carvel Cake waiting for me and inside the box (which was open) was a card, which I've written the contents of said card at the beginning of this post. I really fought hard to hold back the tears that started to pool in my eyes. Once I calmed down, I turned to Greg and gave him a big hug, thanked him and told him that I love him. Afterwards, I cut the cake and ate a slice! Yummy!
Greg and I watched Hell's Kitchen. We expected Vinnie to go; boy can't cook Beef Wellington if his life depended on it! Which made Greg and I wonder why he was always at that station! But, the show wasn't as eventful as past episodes. Now, we just look forward to Top Chef tomorrow night.
After work, I am going to stop by Greg's office to make copies my information for the application to his current complex. Yesterday, Greg talked to the office and they informed him that they will need a signed letter from him Mom confirming that he will no be on the lease for that apartment, a signed letter from him confirming that he is removing himself from that apartment, my statement of my salary from my employer, my three most recent pay stubs, drivers license and security card. Thankfully, all of which I have.
I keep distracting myself by reading other peoples blogs. I have a regular one that I read about a women and her adventure with IVF, and then I read the blogs of her readers. It's a vicious circle.
I am trying to not think about what was planned for this coming Thursday and that this time next week, I should be living with Greg. I am really trying to not think those types of thoughts. Easier said than done; which is also why I've been distracting myself by reading the events in other peoples lives. It does help.
You.
" Jess,
I wish I could write so much of what I feel. I know things are tough right now, but we'll make it through. You mean the world to me. I love you with all my heart.
Greg
XOXOXOXOXOXO "
Last night, I was still in a funk of a mood. I didn't talk much to my brother or Aaron and just putted around the townhouse. Around 7:30, Greg calls and we chat for a few. I wasn't really in the mood to talk. He stated that he was a little sadden that I hadn't called, like I normally do, and that he shouldn't be much longer at work. After the conversation, I start my laundry and fix something for dinner (chicken nuggets and frozen pizza; Yum!). Around 8:30, I head upstairs for my room and call Greg to see what his E.T.A is. He informs me that he's just getting off of Rt 100 and that he's going to stop at the store for toilet paper, ice, and soda, all of which we were out. So, I just lay in bed and watch TV. About 20 minutes later I hear Greg walk in the door and start to put the items away. After a few minutes he asks me to come down stairs. So, I get up and walk down stairs. Greg is in the kitchen and on the counter is a Strawberry Carvel Cake waiting for me and inside the box (which was open) was a card, which I've written the contents of said card at the beginning of this post. I really fought hard to hold back the tears that started to pool in my eyes. Once I calmed down, I turned to Greg and gave him a big hug, thanked him and told him that I love him. Afterwards, I cut the cake and ate a slice! Yummy!
Greg and I watched Hell's Kitchen. We expected Vinnie to go; boy can't cook Beef Wellington if his life depended on it! Which made Greg and I wonder why he was always at that station! But, the show wasn't as eventful as past episodes. Now, we just look forward to Top Chef tomorrow night.
After work, I am going to stop by Greg's office to make copies my information for the application to his current complex. Yesterday, Greg talked to the office and they informed him that they will need a signed letter from him Mom confirming that he will no be on the lease for that apartment, a signed letter from him confirming that he is removing himself from that apartment, my statement of my salary from my employer, my three most recent pay stubs, drivers license and security card. Thankfully, all of which I have.
I keep distracting myself by reading other peoples blogs. I have a regular one that I read about a women and her adventure with IVF, and then I read the blogs of her readers. It's a vicious circle.
I am trying to not think about what was planned for this coming Thursday and that this time next week, I should be living with Greg. I am really trying to not think those types of thoughts. Easier said than done; which is also why I've been distracting myself by reading the events in other peoples lives. It does help.
25 June 2007
-no title-
I'm just not feeling it today.
I can't remember what Greg and I did, if anything, this past Friday.
On Saturday, we got up kinda early and went to check out a place and didn't like it one bit. They check your driving record, school records and so much more! Sheesh. After we checked that place out, we went to Target and did a little shopping. We bought Amelia her high chair; it's a chair that we can attach to any chair and converts to a booster seat when she's older. I bought my swimsuit, and a gift for my Cousin April. While we were at Target, we received so much attention due to Amelia and her amazing amount of hair! People were stopping in their tracks to look at her and tell Greg and me how beautiful she is and "Look at that head of hair!" Also, we found a gym thing that we want to get Amelia. It's Fisher-Price's Rain forest theme, which is what we're going for, and it is on springs so Amelia and jump up and down and such. We put her in the store model and she actually liked it! So, once Greg and I find a place to live, we're going to buy that gym thing. After Target, we went to Friendly's and had lunch and then headed home where we put the highchair together and tested it out on Amelia. She looked so small in it. Greg took pictures, I just haven't uploaded them, yet. Then, after that, we took a nap. Naps are something Greg and I usually don't do. The last time we took a nap in the late afternoon was when we went to the JSOH Airshow. The nap was short, but refreshing. Greg and I didn't do much for the rest of the day or night.
On Sunday, we headed down to Waldorf for my Cousin April's baby shower. April's gift opening took over two hours! She received so many items! Greg and I took pictures, but I did all the picture taking with Aprils camera. We played games and good times were had by all. Greg won one of the games! He won a purse that had Victoria's Secret fragrances inside. Of course, Greg gave me the purse and items. It was funny though. Greg and I left about a quarter to four and headed home. Once we reached 97, I asked if he wanted to stop by the airport park since the planes were taking off over the park and he said sure. Personally, I wanted to go because I've never seen planes take off from that view. Greg and I hung out there for about 20 minutes then we headed over to my old car to clean it out. Basically, I only took the items that I needed or wanted; the rest of the stuff I left since the car was going to be junked anyway. Some of the things I left in the car were my wedding pictures. I didn't have any prefessional pictures taken or anything, mind you, so it's not like I spent hundreds of dollars on these pictures. But, I didn't see any reason to hold on to them. Besides, they have been in the trunk of my car for at least two years and I haven't done anything with them. It was weird looking at myself from nearly four years ago (Adam and I married on Aug 8, 2003). I've changed a lot, physically, mentally, and emotionall, since then and I didn't see any reason to keeping the pictures. But, now that I think about it, I would like to go back and see if I can save some pictures that have my Aunt in them or Munner and Pop, all of whom are no longer here. That chapter closed; moving onto a new.
Oh, by the way, I am probably going to file my divorce papers this week; the day Greg and I are going to take off to look and file applications to a few places.
Oh, my Mom has Amelia for the week. Mom asked Greg and I on Saturday morning if she could take her after the babyshower and I told her that Greg and I would have to talk about it. The reason being is because 1. it would be short notice for April the Sitter; and 2. Greg doesn't want to burn out Mom with all the sitting; espeically since we're going to need her to watch Amelia for a week at the end of July. So, after Greg and I talked about it during lunch on Saturday, we decided it was ok. When I called Mom later that night and told her, she was all happy and excited and when I told her why we had to think about it, specifically Greg's reason, she just laughed. She said there is no way she could ever be burned out from spending time with her first Grandbaby.
I am so bummed that Greg and I are not going to be starting our lives together this week. It irritates me that I have to wait, at least, another month for us to be together. This move was the one thing I have been so looking forward to! I was counting the days since the month of April. I just can't seem to get out of this funk of a mood. Also, I was feeling a bit of jealousy on Sunday, while at the baby shower. Not because April received so many things, but because she is able to enjoy her pregnancy, talk about it, get all excited and so much more; whereas I couldn't and didn't. I believe if Greg were more accepting and excited about being a dad, as he was when he learned that my water broke, in the beginning when I found out I was pregnant, I might feel different. I wished I had a baby shower for me, again not for the gifts, to share my excitment and have everyone tell me how excited they are for Greg and me, and argue over the name and so forth. I am fortunate enough to have a very supportive family that was able to help Greg and me get all the things we needed for Amelia, even before she was born, then and now. I am happy about that, but there are some things I feel I missed out on with this being my first baby.
Greg and I talked a little about our future together as man and wife. I always ask him why he feels our relationship is different than our past and he usually responds that his feelings for me are different than what he felt with his exes. So, when I asked him again this past weekend, just to make conversation on the road, he told me what he's told his co-workers (which, again surprised me) "I enjoy spending time with you. I look forward to the nights I come over and don't want to leave you when it's time to go." For once, he feels love as deep as ours. Yes, he's been in love in the past, but that 'in-love' feeling wore off and he says the love he feels for me is nothing that he's felt for anyone else. It makes me feel good to hear him tell me that he's never felt love for anyone else as strong as he does for me; and the reason why is because I feel the exact same for him.
Ugh. I am really not in a good mood today. I've been very argumentive to customers who are cancelling for petty reasons. Which, may sound good on the monitorings showing my rebuttles or what not, but that's usually not my style.
Greg sent me an email telling me that he's going to stop by two places to pick up their application information and then bring them over tonight so we can talk about it. Honestly, right now I don't even know if I want Greg to come over. I am really in a funk of a mood with no real reason. The only thing I can guess is the whole week has been emotionally rough and I'm having a harder time dealing with it than I thought I was.
I haven't slept well in the last two days. My asthma kept me up on Saturday night and kept bothering me all Sunday. Then during the afternoon on Sunday, my back started to bother me and I knew it was from the difficulty of breathing. So, when we got home last night, I took some Alieve and layed in bed. I fell asleep somewhere between 10:30 and 11:00pm, but awoke around 3am because of my backache and I couldn't fall back asleep or get comfortable. So, around 4:45am, I got up and found some Vicodene from when I had my tooth pull and layed back in bed. It took probably a half hour for me start feeling the effect and fall back asleep. Then, my brother wakes me up a little before 6am because he locked himself outside and then around 7:21am, I am awoken to the noise of someone knocking on the door! I tell Greg it's his turn to answer the door since I let Sean in and then realize that I was dreaming. But, I hear the knock again and walk into Aaron's room to look out the window. I didn't realize that Aaron was still home, so I just bardge into his room! He startled me and then I ask if he heard the knocking and he said no, so I continue to look out the window and I don't see anything. So, I guess it was all in my head.
I am really not in the mood to work anymore. I don't want to deal with people right now and I've had some nasty phone calls today. I just can't wait until this day is over.
I can't remember what Greg and I did, if anything, this past Friday.
On Saturday, we got up kinda early and went to check out a place and didn't like it one bit. They check your driving record, school records and so much more! Sheesh. After we checked that place out, we went to Target and did a little shopping. We bought Amelia her high chair; it's a chair that we can attach to any chair and converts to a booster seat when she's older. I bought my swimsuit, and a gift for my Cousin April. While we were at Target, we received so much attention due to Amelia and her amazing amount of hair! People were stopping in their tracks to look at her and tell Greg and me how beautiful she is and "Look at that head of hair!" Also, we found a gym thing that we want to get Amelia. It's Fisher-Price's Rain forest theme, which is what we're going for, and it is on springs so Amelia and jump up and down and such. We put her in the store model and she actually liked it! So, once Greg and I find a place to live, we're going to buy that gym thing. After Target, we went to Friendly's and had lunch and then headed home where we put the highchair together and tested it out on Amelia. She looked so small in it. Greg took pictures, I just haven't uploaded them, yet. Then, after that, we took a nap. Naps are something Greg and I usually don't do. The last time we took a nap in the late afternoon was when we went to the JSOH Airshow. The nap was short, but refreshing. Greg and I didn't do much for the rest of the day or night.
On Sunday, we headed down to Waldorf for my Cousin April's baby shower. April's gift opening took over two hours! She received so many items! Greg and I took pictures, but I did all the picture taking with Aprils camera. We played games and good times were had by all. Greg won one of the games! He won a purse that had Victoria's Secret fragrances inside. Of course, Greg gave me the purse and items. It was funny though. Greg and I left about a quarter to four and headed home. Once we reached 97, I asked if he wanted to stop by the airport park since the planes were taking off over the park and he said sure. Personally, I wanted to go because I've never seen planes take off from that view. Greg and I hung out there for about 20 minutes then we headed over to my old car to clean it out. Basically, I only took the items that I needed or wanted; the rest of the stuff I left since the car was going to be junked anyway. Some of the things I left in the car were my wedding pictures. I didn't have any prefessional pictures taken or anything, mind you, so it's not like I spent hundreds of dollars on these pictures. But, I didn't see any reason to hold on to them. Besides, they have been in the trunk of my car for at least two years and I haven't done anything with them. It was weird looking at myself from nearly four years ago (Adam and I married on Aug 8, 2003). I've changed a lot, physically, mentally, and emotionall, since then and I didn't see any reason to keeping the pictures. But, now that I think about it, I would like to go back and see if I can save some pictures that have my Aunt in them or Munner and Pop, all of whom are no longer here. That chapter closed; moving onto a new.
Oh, by the way, I am probably going to file my divorce papers this week; the day Greg and I are going to take off to look and file applications to a few places.
Oh, my Mom has Amelia for the week. Mom asked Greg and I on Saturday morning if she could take her after the babyshower and I told her that Greg and I would have to talk about it. The reason being is because 1. it would be short notice for April the Sitter; and 2. Greg doesn't want to burn out Mom with all the sitting; espeically since we're going to need her to watch Amelia for a week at the end of July. So, after Greg and I talked about it during lunch on Saturday, we decided it was ok. When I called Mom later that night and told her, she was all happy and excited and when I told her why we had to think about it, specifically Greg's reason, she just laughed. She said there is no way she could ever be burned out from spending time with her first Grandbaby.
I am so bummed that Greg and I are not going to be starting our lives together this week. It irritates me that I have to wait, at least, another month for us to be together. This move was the one thing I have been so looking forward to! I was counting the days since the month of April. I just can't seem to get out of this funk of a mood. Also, I was feeling a bit of jealousy on Sunday, while at the baby shower. Not because April received so many things, but because she is able to enjoy her pregnancy, talk about it, get all excited and so much more; whereas I couldn't and didn't. I believe if Greg were more accepting and excited about being a dad, as he was when he learned that my water broke, in the beginning when I found out I was pregnant, I might feel different. I wished I had a baby shower for me, again not for the gifts, to share my excitment and have everyone tell me how excited they are for Greg and me, and argue over the name and so forth. I am fortunate enough to have a very supportive family that was able to help Greg and me get all the things we needed for Amelia, even before she was born, then and now. I am happy about that, but there are some things I feel I missed out on with this being my first baby.
Greg and I talked a little about our future together as man and wife. I always ask him why he feels our relationship is different than our past and he usually responds that his feelings for me are different than what he felt with his exes. So, when I asked him again this past weekend, just to make conversation on the road, he told me what he's told his co-workers (which, again surprised me) "I enjoy spending time with you. I look forward to the nights I come over and don't want to leave you when it's time to go." For once, he feels love as deep as ours. Yes, he's been in love in the past, but that 'in-love' feeling wore off and he says the love he feels for me is nothing that he's felt for anyone else. It makes me feel good to hear him tell me that he's never felt love for anyone else as strong as he does for me; and the reason why is because I feel the exact same for him.
Ugh. I am really not in a good mood today. I've been very argumentive to customers who are cancelling for petty reasons. Which, may sound good on the monitorings showing my rebuttles or what not, but that's usually not my style.
Greg sent me an email telling me that he's going to stop by two places to pick up their application information and then bring them over tonight so we can talk about it. Honestly, right now I don't even know if I want Greg to come over. I am really in a funk of a mood with no real reason. The only thing I can guess is the whole week has been emotionally rough and I'm having a harder time dealing with it than I thought I was.
I haven't slept well in the last two days. My asthma kept me up on Saturday night and kept bothering me all Sunday. Then during the afternoon on Sunday, my back started to bother me and I knew it was from the difficulty of breathing. So, when we got home last night, I took some Alieve and layed in bed. I fell asleep somewhere between 10:30 and 11:00pm, but awoke around 3am because of my backache and I couldn't fall back asleep or get comfortable. So, around 4:45am, I got up and found some Vicodene from when I had my tooth pull and layed back in bed. It took probably a half hour for me start feeling the effect and fall back asleep. Then, my brother wakes me up a little before 6am because he locked himself outside and then around 7:21am, I am awoken to the noise of someone knocking on the door! I tell Greg it's his turn to answer the door since I let Sean in and then realize that I was dreaming. But, I hear the knock again and walk into Aaron's room to look out the window. I didn't realize that Aaron was still home, so I just bardge into his room! He startled me and then I ask if he heard the knocking and he said no, so I continue to look out the window and I don't see anything. So, I guess it was all in my head.
I am really not in the mood to work anymore. I don't want to deal with people right now and I've had some nasty phone calls today. I just can't wait until this day is over.
19 June 2007
"I Need More Lotion"
That was the phrase for the night from Greg.
Poor Greg, he got a pretty bad sunburn on his face and forearms from the game. So, last night, I gave him my bottle of Aloe lotion and I swear he was putting that stuff on every 15-20 minutes! It was so funny, he was hoarding the bottle even in bed! I made a comment to him last night that I was going to write about his recent addiction to the aloe lotion. We just laughed. This morning, Greg took the lotion with him to work. I can only imagine what he's doing with the lotion at this moment.
Is anyone else watching Hell's Kitchen? Last night was good! I can't believe they choose these people as contestants! Where the hell are they coming from? Hell's Kitchen is completely opposite of Top Chef. At least with Top Chef, these contestants know what they are doing and making, whereas with Hell's Kitchen, it's all scream and holler and making a mess. Either way, though, both are very entertaining!
Greg and I have been emailing each other for a good part of the last hour. He had a lot on his mind yesterday and this morning, after we talked about the baby shower plans for the weekend, I asked how he was doing and such; well anyway, here's the email conversation:
"From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 11:37 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
Just how amazing you are, how much I love having you in my life. How absolutly much you mean to me. Just how much I could never imagine my life without you.
How much I am utterly in love with you.
Jessica D wrote:
Aww, concentrate on me? What are you thinking about that pertains to me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 11:30 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
any of it. Doesn't help to think about it, so I'll just concentraite on jobby job and you. :)
Jessica D wrote:
Which part?
I just want to make sure you’re ok and such.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 11:20 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
eh not letting bother me.
Jessica D wrote:
That is good to hear.
How about your mental busy-ness (apartment stuff, *****, etc)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Greg S. [mailto:****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 10:59 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
busy but hanging in there. Headache is better"
I am still in awe over Greg. I still can't believe that my wish, dream, what have you, has come true. Greg is everything to me. He is my bestest friend and I can tell him anything without worry or fear of how he will react. Greg has told me during many occasions in the last year and a half that he considers me his best friend. He's told me that he's able to tell me anything, even now that we're in a relationship, that is on his mind regardless of the topic, and knows that my feelings for him will not change, I won't become jealous, and anything else that could effect our relationship. As a matter of fact, Greg and I are so close and open to each other, we talk about people we see in passing, say if we're at a park or restaurant, and ask what the other thinks of that person, sexually, and what not. I know Greg would never act upon these conversations, but I notice when something catches his eye and we talk or joke about it. I trust Greg. No second guessing of his loyalty to me. And, it's great that we are open with each other to talk about things as such. I really don't know where I would be, today, if I hadn't met Greg back in 2005.
Well, the baby shower for my cousin is actually on Sunday. Which is better for Greg and me. It means that we can get the money orders for the new townhouse and go there to finish the application for Greg. And, then we can go clean out the Pontiac. I spoke with the owner of the shop where the car has been, and he's going to have it towed to a junk yard for me; free of charge. So, that would complete one task that has been plaguing the back of my mind.
Ugh, it's so freaking hot outside! Have I mentioned how much I dislike summer? Well, I'll repeat it again: I really dislike summer! I do not like the humidity, the bugs, the thick air (which is the humidity, I know) and the hot hot heat! Blah!
Last night, Greg brought over one of his tubs. The plan is that he's going to bring over a tub or two each time he comes over so that we're able to move everything as efficiently as possible. The tub he brought over last night was his tub of memories, basically. He has awards from high school, his high school picture, items from when he worked at MicroPros, items from when he lived in New York, items from his first Disney Cruise, and many more items. We went through the entire tub. We kept some things, but threw a lot away as well. The items we threw away were things he couldn't remember why he saved, such as a Washington Post from 2001, pictures from an Airplane trip to New York and hotel stay, old note pads, and instruction manuals for his old stereo. It was interesting to go through the stuff with Greg. It made me think of my old chest that I used to keep, but threw away last year. Right now, I have a photo album that I've used to collect pictures of my friends and when I was in the newspaper and things related. It turns out that Greg and I both saved Far Side comics that we found interesting!
I've started to save a few things of Amelia's. So far, I've saved everything from the hospital, such as the hats she wore and every piece of paper I was given (the card in her bassinet, the results of her hearing tests, her foot prints, etc).
My Mom and I were talking earlier today (it's 2:53pm as I type) and she is clueless on what to get April for her baby shower this weekend. I suggested that she make a memory box for April and my Mom loved the idea! I told her that she doesn't have to make it now, but it would probably be better to give April the box when her baby is born. I can't wait for April's baby girl to be here. I can't wait to hold her and to see the size difference of Amelia and Aprils baby. As for a name for Aprils baby, the last I heard, it was going to be Olivia Ellen, or Ollie El as I'm probably going to call her. She also toyed with the name of Charlotte, but once she said the nickname would be Charlie, Clayton nixed the name. So, we are not to think of nicknames for the baby around Clayton. LOL
I started this post at 11:30am, and I am just finishing at 3:00pm.
Poor Greg, he got a pretty bad sunburn on his face and forearms from the game. So, last night, I gave him my bottle of Aloe lotion and I swear he was putting that stuff on every 15-20 minutes! It was so funny, he was hoarding the bottle even in bed! I made a comment to him last night that I was going to write about his recent addiction to the aloe lotion. We just laughed. This morning, Greg took the lotion with him to work. I can only imagine what he's doing with the lotion at this moment.
Is anyone else watching Hell's Kitchen? Last night was good! I can't believe they choose these people as contestants! Where the hell are they coming from? Hell's Kitchen is completely opposite of Top Chef. At least with Top Chef, these contestants know what they are doing and making, whereas with Hell's Kitchen, it's all scream and holler and making a mess. Either way, though, both are very entertaining!
Greg and I have been emailing each other for a good part of the last hour. He had a lot on his mind yesterday and this morning, after we talked about the baby shower plans for the weekend, I asked how he was doing and such; well anyway, here's the email conversation:
"From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 11:37 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
Just how amazing you are, how much I love having you in my life. How absolutly much you mean to me. Just how much I could never imagine my life without you.
How much I am utterly in love with you.
Jessica D wrote:
Aww, concentrate on me? What are you thinking about that pertains to me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 11:30 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
any of it. Doesn't help to think about it, so I'll just concentraite on jobby job and you. :)
Jessica D wrote:
Which part?
I just want to make sure you’re ok and such.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 11:20 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
eh not letting bother me.
Jessica D wrote:
That is good to hear.
How about your mental busy-ness (apartment stuff, *****, etc)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Greg S. [mailto:****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 10:59 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
busy but hanging in there. Headache is better"
I am still in awe over Greg. I still can't believe that my wish, dream, what have you, has come true. Greg is everything to me. He is my bestest friend and I can tell him anything without worry or fear of how he will react. Greg has told me during many occasions in the last year and a half that he considers me his best friend. He's told me that he's able to tell me anything, even now that we're in a relationship, that is on his mind regardless of the topic, and knows that my feelings for him will not change, I won't become jealous, and anything else that could effect our relationship. As a matter of fact, Greg and I are so close and open to each other, we talk about people we see in passing, say if we're at a park or restaurant, and ask what the other thinks of that person, sexually, and what not. I know Greg would never act upon these conversations, but I notice when something catches his eye and we talk or joke about it. I trust Greg. No second guessing of his loyalty to me. And, it's great that we are open with each other to talk about things as such. I really don't know where I would be, today, if I hadn't met Greg back in 2005.
Well, the baby shower for my cousin is actually on Sunday. Which is better for Greg and me. It means that we can get the money orders for the new townhouse and go there to finish the application for Greg. And, then we can go clean out the Pontiac. I spoke with the owner of the shop where the car has been, and he's going to have it towed to a junk yard for me; free of charge. So, that would complete one task that has been plaguing the back of my mind.
Ugh, it's so freaking hot outside! Have I mentioned how much I dislike summer? Well, I'll repeat it again: I really dislike summer! I do not like the humidity, the bugs, the thick air (which is the humidity, I know) and the hot hot heat! Blah!
Last night, Greg brought over one of his tubs. The plan is that he's going to bring over a tub or two each time he comes over so that we're able to move everything as efficiently as possible. The tub he brought over last night was his tub of memories, basically. He has awards from high school, his high school picture, items from when he worked at MicroPros, items from when he lived in New York, items from his first Disney Cruise, and many more items. We went through the entire tub. We kept some things, but threw a lot away as well. The items we threw away were things he couldn't remember why he saved, such as a Washington Post from 2001, pictures from an Airplane trip to New York and hotel stay, old note pads, and instruction manuals for his old stereo. It was interesting to go through the stuff with Greg. It made me think of my old chest that I used to keep, but threw away last year. Right now, I have a photo album that I've used to collect pictures of my friends and when I was in the newspaper and things related. It turns out that Greg and I both saved Far Side comics that we found interesting!
I've started to save a few things of Amelia's. So far, I've saved everything from the hospital, such as the hats she wore and every piece of paper I was given (the card in her bassinet, the results of her hearing tests, her foot prints, etc).
My Mom and I were talking earlier today (it's 2:53pm as I type) and she is clueless on what to get April for her baby shower this weekend. I suggested that she make a memory box for April and my Mom loved the idea! I told her that she doesn't have to make it now, but it would probably be better to give April the box when her baby is born. I can't wait for April's baby girl to be here. I can't wait to hold her and to see the size difference of Amelia and Aprils baby. As for a name for Aprils baby, the last I heard, it was going to be Olivia Ellen, or Ollie El as I'm probably going to call her. She also toyed with the name of Charlotte, but once she said the nickname would be Charlie, Clayton nixed the name. So, we are not to think of nicknames for the baby around Clayton. LOL
I started this post at 11:30am, and I am just finishing at 3:00pm.
12 June 2007
-No Subject-
Fun! Another busy morning at work!!! I love it when we're short staffed; makes my days so entertaining!
Last night was interesting. Greg and I had a talk. We talked about a 'problem'. I warned him, though, that tonight might not be the best night to get into any type of discussion because I am about to start my cycle and my emotions are out of balance. Greg wanted to talk about why I get upset if he has to stay late for work. I told him that the whole reason he was to come over on Mon and Wed was to help with Amelia, so that I get some 'time off' of the responsibilities. Yet, if he has to stay late for work, then he's not really helping me and what is the point of driving all the way over if the help I needed is no longer needed and he replied "to be with you". I told him that I am afraid that once we're living together that I still won't be seeing him as much and that he'll only spend time with Amelia on the weekends, when he's not working. In all, Greg wants me to understand that if he has work to do that requires him to stay past 6pm, he's going to be late. I told him that I understood that, BUT, if you tell me that you're leaving at a specific time, like 6:30, then I am expecting you to be home within a certain time frame, knowing and understanding that there was work that kept you late, BUT if you don't leave at a time you told me you were, then I become upset.
In the end, Greg felt that I wasn't appreciating his efforts, which isn't true, and I told him it feels like I'm doing this alone. I know this is a busy time of year for him and I know he isn't working nearly as much over time as he used to. But, at the same time, it still feels like I am doing this, being with Amelia, alone while he still has his full 'day off' on Sundays and the rest of the week when he's not over at my place. He can still do all the things he wants without having to take care of a 5 month old. He doesn't have to wait to eat, clean, talk on the phone, use the computer, take a shower, etc., where as I HAVE to wait until Amelia is asleep before I can do half of the things I want to do. And, usually, by the time she's finally fallen asleep, I've lost all motivation to even do much of anything. I need Greg to be on time and help in order for me to feel like I am getting anything accomplished. This past Sunday was great! I did so much in my room and I felt GREAT!
All is well between Greg an me. At the end of the night, he told me that it feels really good, to him, to be able to talk about 'items' on his mind, rather than 'bite his tongue' and pretend everything is ok when it's not, as he has done with past relationships.
After our conversation, Greg and I watched Hells Kitchen. Greg is completely hooked on this show! And, this Wednesday, a new season of Top Chef starts on Bravo! Greg is really excited about this show as well. So far, I've turned Greg onto Scrubs, Heros, Hells Kitchen, Top Chef, Deal or No Deal (though we don't watch that show anymore), and a few more I can't remember at this moment. Granted, there are some shows that Greg and I don't enjoy together, such as America's Got Talent. Greg can't stand this show, and I could do without watching Modern Marvels (although, I will admit some of the episodes are interesting, but not enough to keep me a regular viewer).
Once Hells Kitchen was over, Greg and I went upstairs to lay in bed. We didn't turn the TV on or anything. We talked. And, did 'other' things. During the talking, I asked Greg if he feels we'd make it if we did marry each other. He, as well as I do, feels that we would. Especially since we are very open with each other and talk to each other when something is bothering us. But, I probed some more ,and asked what if after two years we realize we're not able to work out together, and Greg stated that we would know by now if we were going to make it or not; which is true. Greg and I have been friends for nearly 2 years (the 'anniversary' is Aug. 20, 2005) and if we didn't get along, then we wouldn't be where we are today.
Greg is the first person I've ever truly wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I can not imagine life without Greg. I get excited and giddy when I think about the future with Greg, such as trips, buying our first house together, extending our family, and much more. I've even started to 'daydream' about our wedding. I know I've said that I don't want a big, traditional, or anything close to a 'normal' wedding, but now I think I've changed my mind. Sorta. I'm thinking something small and close to home. I don't know if I want a wedding dress, at this time, or the traditonal brides maid and groomsmen, but I do think I want an event of some sort. Anyway, that's way in the future. Right now, I'm most eager about the engagement and how he's going to propose me. I've sent Greg pictures of rings that I've found of interest when ever I go to a mall or some place similar. I don't want anything too big, a half carat would be ideal. I like simple and unique designs. So, I'm pretty easy to please.
One thing at a time for now. First was the new car, now we have the move and adjustment. Then, maybe a few months down the road, will be the proposal.
Last night was interesting. Greg and I had a talk. We talked about a 'problem'. I warned him, though, that tonight might not be the best night to get into any type of discussion because I am about to start my cycle and my emotions are out of balance. Greg wanted to talk about why I get upset if he has to stay late for work. I told him that the whole reason he was to come over on Mon and Wed was to help with Amelia, so that I get some 'time off' of the responsibilities. Yet, if he has to stay late for work, then he's not really helping me and what is the point of driving all the way over if the help I needed is no longer needed and he replied "to be with you". I told him that I am afraid that once we're living together that I still won't be seeing him as much and that he'll only spend time with Amelia on the weekends, when he's not working. In all, Greg wants me to understand that if he has work to do that requires him to stay past 6pm, he's going to be late. I told him that I understood that, BUT, if you tell me that you're leaving at a specific time, like 6:30, then I am expecting you to be home within a certain time frame, knowing and understanding that there was work that kept you late, BUT if you don't leave at a time you told me you were, then I become upset.
In the end, Greg felt that I wasn't appreciating his efforts, which isn't true, and I told him it feels like I'm doing this alone. I know this is a busy time of year for him and I know he isn't working nearly as much over time as he used to. But, at the same time, it still feels like I am doing this, being with Amelia, alone while he still has his full 'day off' on Sundays and the rest of the week when he's not over at my place. He can still do all the things he wants without having to take care of a 5 month old. He doesn't have to wait to eat, clean, talk on the phone, use the computer, take a shower, etc., where as I HAVE to wait until Amelia is asleep before I can do half of the things I want to do. And, usually, by the time she's finally fallen asleep, I've lost all motivation to even do much of anything. I need Greg to be on time and help in order for me to feel like I am getting anything accomplished. This past Sunday was great! I did so much in my room and I felt GREAT!
All is well between Greg an me. At the end of the night, he told me that it feels really good, to him, to be able to talk about 'items' on his mind, rather than 'bite his tongue' and pretend everything is ok when it's not, as he has done with past relationships.
After our conversation, Greg and I watched Hells Kitchen. Greg is completely hooked on this show! And, this Wednesday, a new season of Top Chef starts on Bravo! Greg is really excited about this show as well. So far, I've turned Greg onto Scrubs, Heros, Hells Kitchen, Top Chef, Deal or No Deal (though we don't watch that show anymore), and a few more I can't remember at this moment. Granted, there are some shows that Greg and I don't enjoy together, such as America's Got Talent. Greg can't stand this show, and I could do without watching Modern Marvels (although, I will admit some of the episodes are interesting, but not enough to keep me a regular viewer).
Once Hells Kitchen was over, Greg and I went upstairs to lay in bed. We didn't turn the TV on or anything. We talked. And, did 'other' things. During the talking, I asked Greg if he feels we'd make it if we did marry each other. He, as well as I do, feels that we would. Especially since we are very open with each other and talk to each other when something is bothering us. But, I probed some more ,and asked what if after two years we realize we're not able to work out together, and Greg stated that we would know by now if we were going to make it or not; which is true. Greg and I have been friends for nearly 2 years (the 'anniversary' is Aug. 20, 2005) and if we didn't get along, then we wouldn't be where we are today.
Greg is the first person I've ever truly wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I can not imagine life without Greg. I get excited and giddy when I think about the future with Greg, such as trips, buying our first house together, extending our family, and much more. I've even started to 'daydream' about our wedding. I know I've said that I don't want a big, traditional, or anything close to a 'normal' wedding, but now I think I've changed my mind. Sorta. I'm thinking something small and close to home. I don't know if I want a wedding dress, at this time, or the traditonal brides maid and groomsmen, but I do think I want an event of some sort. Anyway, that's way in the future. Right now, I'm most eager about the engagement and how he's going to propose me. I've sent Greg pictures of rings that I've found of interest when ever I go to a mall or some place similar. I don't want anything too big, a half carat would be ideal. I like simple and unique designs. So, I'm pretty easy to please.
One thing at a time for now. First was the new car, now we have the move and adjustment. Then, maybe a few months down the road, will be the proposal.
04 June 2007
Manic Monday
Ugh, so much stress in my life right now!
Mainly, I am stressing about the car repair bill and making sure that Greg and I are going to have enough money to move in at the end of the month. I hope to find out soon.
This morning I called AA America to notify them that I am having my car towed to another garage. I paid the $80 they charged for 'looking' at the Pontiac. I called the place that worked on my breaks to see if they do other types of service and they don't. So, when I asked if they could recommend a repair shop, and they did. I called the other shop and told them what's going on. They said they would be more than willing to look at my car without a deposit! LOL And, they will go get the car. I am so scared to hear what's wrong with the car and how much it's going to cost.
Greg called me twise yesterday after the inital conversation. I didn't answer the phone. I did call him back before 5pm and I was still mad at him. I called him a little after 11pm and we talked for about a half hour. I wasn't as mad by then, but I was still not over it. Today, I am pretty much over it. There is too much going on to dwell on what happened yesterday. Besides, Greg is coming over tonight and I plan on taking full advantage of him. So, he's going to attend to Amelia and I am going to start going through my old clothes, Amelia's clothes and other items. I really want to start packing and throwing things away. I don't want to repeat what I did last year when I moved (which was pretty much pack the day of the move). At least I am not pregnant this time (even though I didn't know I was pregnant when I moved last year).
Here's a post I wrote on July 3, 2006:
I hate moving...
When it comes to moving, I'd rather do the clean up and unpacking than pack the shit and move it and then unload it... which is pretty much all that I did yesterday. Greg and Sean did A LOT of the work, but I did help... some... I stayed out of their way when they were unloading the truck and put most of the stuff away at night.
But, what a stressful day that was! At 8am, Sean calls me and tells me that he can't find his wallet which means he can't get the uhual, which means I'm stuck. So, I call mom and tell what happened and she was mad, a little, and said that she would pay for the truck since I was offering to pay, even though I have about $90 left in my account to last me two weeks. So, then I call Greg to let him know what was going on since he was suppost to come over around 9:30 to start helping and Greg offeres to help pay for the truck as well (and I told him that I would pay him back when I get the money from mom). I was so thankful of Greg's gesture to help that I bought him a thank you card when I went to wal-mart. But, as I was leaving wal-mart and heading to the uhual place, Sean calls and tells me that he has found his wallet (even though we cancelled the order. But, he was able to get a truck anyway, and he arrived around noon and we had loaded up must of everthing thing by 3 and we were leaving the apartment at 3:20 and we had unloaded everything by 4:30 at the townhouse and then Sean was on his way to his place to pack and stuff. So, I spent the first night at the new place all alone. I didn't get to sleep until 2am and then I was up and dressed and ready to leave at 6:30. I am going to sleep well tonight. Also, I am going to be working from open to close at the clinic, so I will be exhausted when I get home. But, I have off tomorrow and Greg and I are going to Oregon Ridge to see the BSO and fireworks. I've never been there before and have always wanted to go when Adam and I were together... but never did. Oh, it was funny... Sean and I were talking about something in the old kitchen and I accidentally called him Adam and Greg was like... what did you call him? so, that was kinda funny.
Greg is very excited that we've finally found a place to call ours. We can start our family. Plus, he loves, just as much as I do, to go shopping for home accessories. On Saturday, we were talking about things we need and drawing on the floor plans where to put our furniture. One thing we might not agree on, right now, is where to place his computer; he wants to put it in our bedroom. I say no and that there is plenty of room downstairs. We shall see how this goes in a few weeks.
Mainly, I am stressing about the car repair bill and making sure that Greg and I are going to have enough money to move in at the end of the month. I hope to find out soon.
This morning I called AA America to notify them that I am having my car towed to another garage. I paid the $80 they charged for 'looking' at the Pontiac. I called the place that worked on my breaks to see if they do other types of service and they don't. So, when I asked if they could recommend a repair shop, and they did. I called the other shop and told them what's going on. They said they would be more than willing to look at my car without a deposit! LOL And, they will go get the car. I am so scared to hear what's wrong with the car and how much it's going to cost.
Greg called me twise yesterday after the inital conversation. I didn't answer the phone. I did call him back before 5pm and I was still mad at him. I called him a little after 11pm and we talked for about a half hour. I wasn't as mad by then, but I was still not over it. Today, I am pretty much over it. There is too much going on to dwell on what happened yesterday. Besides, Greg is coming over tonight and I plan on taking full advantage of him. So, he's going to attend to Amelia and I am going to start going through my old clothes, Amelia's clothes and other items. I really want to start packing and throwing things away. I don't want to repeat what I did last year when I moved (which was pretty much pack the day of the move). At least I am not pregnant this time (even though I didn't know I was pregnant when I moved last year).
Here's a post I wrote on July 3, 2006:
I hate moving...
When it comes to moving, I'd rather do the clean up and unpacking than pack the shit and move it and then unload it... which is pretty much all that I did yesterday. Greg and Sean did A LOT of the work, but I did help... some... I stayed out of their way when they were unloading the truck and put most of the stuff away at night.
But, what a stressful day that was! At 8am, Sean calls me and tells me that he can't find his wallet which means he can't get the uhual, which means I'm stuck. So, I call mom and tell what happened and she was mad, a little, and said that she would pay for the truck since I was offering to pay, even though I have about $90 left in my account to last me two weeks. So, then I call Greg to let him know what was going on since he was suppost to come over around 9:30 to start helping and Greg offeres to help pay for the truck as well (and I told him that I would pay him back when I get the money from mom). I was so thankful of Greg's gesture to help that I bought him a thank you card when I went to wal-mart. But, as I was leaving wal-mart and heading to the uhual place, Sean calls and tells me that he has found his wallet (even though we cancelled the order. But, he was able to get a truck anyway, and he arrived around noon and we had loaded up must of everthing thing by 3 and we were leaving the apartment at 3:20 and we had unloaded everything by 4:30 at the townhouse and then Sean was on his way to his place to pack and stuff. So, I spent the first night at the new place all alone. I didn't get to sleep until 2am and then I was up and dressed and ready to leave at 6:30. I am going to sleep well tonight. Also, I am going to be working from open to close at the clinic, so I will be exhausted when I get home. But, I have off tomorrow and Greg and I are going to Oregon Ridge to see the BSO and fireworks. I've never been there before and have always wanted to go when Adam and I were together... but never did. Oh, it was funny... Sean and I were talking about something in the old kitchen and I accidentally called him Adam and Greg was like... what did you call him? so, that was kinda funny.
Greg is very excited that we've finally found a place to call ours. We can start our family. Plus, he loves, just as much as I do, to go shopping for home accessories. On Saturday, we were talking about things we need and drawing on the floor plans where to put our furniture. One thing we might not agree on, right now, is where to place his computer; he wants to put it in our bedroom. I say no and that there is plenty of room downstairs. We shall see how this goes in a few weeks.
03 June 2007
Spring Cleaning!
All we, Sean, Aaron, and I, have done today is clean!
This morning, once Amelia was asleep, I ran out to Giant and picked up some cleaning supplies and products. I spent $75! Sheesh!
We've cleaned a lot of the little stuff, such as the doors, steps, walls, etc. As well as the floors, laundry, tub, etc. Just a lot to do! And, we're doing pretty good with time.
What has motivated this extensive cleaning is the landlords pending visit. We haven't talked to her since Friday. We don't even know if she is in fact coming over but we don't want to take the chance of her stopping by and the place looking like it did. I am planning on taking pictures once we're done.
Amelia has been ok, so far. I haven't been able to do much for my room because I was working on the kitchen and bathroom. So, I called Greg to see if he would watch Amelia for a few hours so I could get my stuff done and his responce was "It's my day off." He's gets a whole day to himself. I am with Amelia every single day. All I asked was for a few hours and all he could tell me what that it's his day off. What the fuck! I ended the conversation with something along the lines of something about playing his computer games and he mentioned something about the Mon Wed Fri when he's over as my days off, even though I still help him with Amelia, and I said fine and hung up on him. I was, and still am, pissed that he would rather spend all fucking day playing his precious computer games (and do his laundry, which was needed and he's been up since 9:30am and I asked him how he was on his task of things to do and he said he was fine and that is when I asked if I could drop Amelia off so I could get my tasks done) and he basically said no because he wants to play games. We only have a little more than 3 weeks to pack and clean. I want to get a head start and the only time is on the weekends. I am so angry and hurt right now. I don't plan on calling Greg at all today. I don't even know if I want to talk to him. Period.
This morning, once Amelia was asleep, I ran out to Giant and picked up some cleaning supplies and products. I spent $75! Sheesh!
We've cleaned a lot of the little stuff, such as the doors, steps, walls, etc. As well as the floors, laundry, tub, etc. Just a lot to do! And, we're doing pretty good with time.
What has motivated this extensive cleaning is the landlords pending visit. We haven't talked to her since Friday. We don't even know if she is in fact coming over but we don't want to take the chance of her stopping by and the place looking like it did. I am planning on taking pictures once we're done.
Amelia has been ok, so far. I haven't been able to do much for my room because I was working on the kitchen and bathroom. So, I called Greg to see if he would watch Amelia for a few hours so I could get my stuff done and his responce was "It's my day off." He's gets a whole day to himself. I am with Amelia every single day. All I asked was for a few hours and all he could tell me what that it's his day off. What the fuck! I ended the conversation with something along the lines of something about playing his computer games and he mentioned something about the Mon Wed Fri when he's over as my days off, even though I still help him with Amelia, and I said fine and hung up on him. I was, and still am, pissed that he would rather spend all fucking day playing his precious computer games (and do his laundry, which was needed and he's been up since 9:30am and I asked him how he was on his task of things to do and he said he was fine and that is when I asked if I could drop Amelia off so I could get my tasks done) and he basically said no because he wants to play games. We only have a little more than 3 weeks to pack and clean. I want to get a head start and the only time is on the weekends. I am so angry and hurt right now. I don't plan on calling Greg at all today. I don't even know if I want to talk to him. Period.
29 May 2007
Mindless Ramblings
It's Tuesday. I am back at work. This feels weird.
As much as I anticipated returning to work, I wasn't expecting the mind numbing slowness. Granted, this morning started off with a kick and some very argumentative people, but for the last hour or so, it's been pretty slow.
Meh.
I was late for work partly due to babysitter not answering her door when I was knocking. I swear I knocked on her door for nearly five minutes with no response. It really aggravates me when they don't hear me. I think they should invest in a door bell or something. The only good thing is that this week is a short week for babysitting needs and I will only need to pay $84. Yippie!
It feels good to be on a regular pay schedule again. Those three weeks without any money was rough! My acct ended going into the negative anyway. I was so close! But, at least my bank credits one over draft fee every 12 months, but I have to call and ask for them to do so; which I'll probably do on my lunch break.
I was reading an article online about relationships and whether weight affects a relationship. Personally speaking, I don't feel that weight loss or gain affects how a person feels for you or how you feel for them. When I met Adam, I weighed the same as I do now. During our 7 year relationship, I gained 100 pounds and he didn't say anything about it and it wasn't the cause of our divorce. Today, I weigh 100+ pounds less. I've lost weight since meeting Greg and it hasn't effected our relationship one bit either. Greg outweighs me by 110 pounds and I don't care. If he gains more weight it won't change my feelings for him and I know he feels the same for me. Now, Greg doesn't want me to loose too much weight and be like a size 5 and weigh 125 pounds because he's afraid that I would leave him for someone else, which I would never do. Besides, I don't want to weigh 125 pounds. I am happy with my current size and weight. If the weight continues to come off, so be it. I'm not actively trying to loose weight, which makes me wonder if my thyroid is acting up again. During my pregnancy, I learned that my thyroid was over active which is probably why I didn't gain any weight (which is another reason I didn't suspect that I could be pregnant) and once Amelia was born, I lost an additional 60 pounds. I haven't been to my doctors since my pneumonia and my 6 week post-delivery check-up. Once I get my new health insurance coverage, I plan on making an appointment for a complete check-up including blood work; which I hate. Even after all that I went through this past January, I still hate needles and shots. I still don't know how I was able to give myself insulin shots for that whole month of December! I actually have scars on my arm from the needles from when I was in the hospital last. On that visit, they gave me a 16 gage needle for an IV. The lower the number, the bigger the needle. 16 gage was HUGE! And, they stuck me twice because the vein collapsed on the first attempted (Gee, I wonder why; huge needle, low blood pressure, large loss of fluids... duh!) Thankfully, a different nurse did the needle on the second try and it was no where near as painful. I thanked her.
Sometimes, I still can't believe I went through all that I did in January. Yesterday, as Greg was playing with Amelia, a thought came over me: Another family could be doing the same things with her if we had gone through with putting her up for adoption. Another family would be enjoying her smiles, babbles, shreiks and shrills. But, Greg and I are the ones enjoying this. It was weird to think about that and what our life would be like without Amelia. Greg told me, earlier this month when I asked him, that he would feel guilty if we had gone through with the adoption. I've also asked him if we would still be friends if we went through with the adoption and he thinks we would. He does feel that if he we had gone through the adoption, there might have been some strain on the friendship but he thinks we would be able to support each other and get through it. I've also asked him if he would ever tell me about his feelings for me if we hadn't had Amelia and he said yes, eventually. I constantly tease him about his feelings for me. I knew he had developed them and tried to get him to tell me but he was ignoring what his heart was telling him. The teasing is all in good nature and he knows this.
I had a weird dream this morning and it made me feel guilty. It wasn't a sex dream or anything, but more of a dream about me growing feelings for another person. the dream involved Greg and I looking for a place to live (as we are currently). An old friend of mine was living in this huge townhouse and told me that there was more than enough room for us to move in. So, I met the owner of the townhouse and he and I hit it off. There were sparks flying and everything. While this guy was showing me around, he started to hold my hand and I let him. Then, we walked outside and we went behind the townhouse, sat down and began to chat. He knew I had a boyfriend, he even talked and asked questions about him. Yet, he kept holding my hand and began to lean in to kiss me when Greg appeared around the corner on a moped like bike and I could see the frustration on this other guys face. It was so weird! And, when I awoke, I had this guilty feeling in my stomach. I told Greg about the dream and he just laughed. But, the dream makes me wonder if that is something that will happen in the future and I wonder how I would react if something simular were to occur.
The hand holding in the dream, I believe was due to the hand holding Greg and I did at the carnival. Greg and I don't hold hands very often in public. We usually hold hands at night while we're sleeping or if we're at the movie theaters. But, last night Greg would reached for my hand and held it so softly. It was very romantic for me. Especially since he was making the inital contact. Sometimes, while Greg and I are at a store or what not, I will go for his hand, but not very often. Usually, I just rub or run my fingers dow his back or play with his butt, which annoys him but I continue to do it anyway.
Have I mentioned how much I love my Flickr Pro account? I love Flickr to begin with! I check it constantly throughout the day to see how many views my pictures have received. At last look, I was at 621 views for 469 photos. Someone even marked one of my airshow photos as a favorite! So cool!
As much as I anticipated returning to work, I wasn't expecting the mind numbing slowness. Granted, this morning started off with a kick and some very argumentative people, but for the last hour or so, it's been pretty slow.
Meh.
I was late for work partly due to babysitter not answering her door when I was knocking. I swear I knocked on her door for nearly five minutes with no response. It really aggravates me when they don't hear me. I think they should invest in a door bell or something. The only good thing is that this week is a short week for babysitting needs and I will only need to pay $84. Yippie!
It feels good to be on a regular pay schedule again. Those three weeks without any money was rough! My acct ended going into the negative anyway. I was so close! But, at least my bank credits one over draft fee every 12 months, but I have to call and ask for them to do so; which I'll probably do on my lunch break.
I was reading an article online about relationships and whether weight affects a relationship. Personally speaking, I don't feel that weight loss or gain affects how a person feels for you or how you feel for them. When I met Adam, I weighed the same as I do now. During our 7 year relationship, I gained 100 pounds and he didn't say anything about it and it wasn't the cause of our divorce. Today, I weigh 100+ pounds less. I've lost weight since meeting Greg and it hasn't effected our relationship one bit either. Greg outweighs me by 110 pounds and I don't care. If he gains more weight it won't change my feelings for him and I know he feels the same for me. Now, Greg doesn't want me to loose too much weight and be like a size 5 and weigh 125 pounds because he's afraid that I would leave him for someone else, which I would never do. Besides, I don't want to weigh 125 pounds. I am happy with my current size and weight. If the weight continues to come off, so be it. I'm not actively trying to loose weight, which makes me wonder if my thyroid is acting up again. During my pregnancy, I learned that my thyroid was over active which is probably why I didn't gain any weight (which is another reason I didn't suspect that I could be pregnant) and once Amelia was born, I lost an additional 60 pounds. I haven't been to my doctors since my pneumonia and my 6 week post-delivery check-up. Once I get my new health insurance coverage, I plan on making an appointment for a complete check-up including blood work; which I hate. Even after all that I went through this past January, I still hate needles and shots. I still don't know how I was able to give myself insulin shots for that whole month of December! I actually have scars on my arm from the needles from when I was in the hospital last. On that visit, they gave me a 16 gage needle for an IV. The lower the number, the bigger the needle. 16 gage was HUGE! And, they stuck me twice because the vein collapsed on the first attempted (Gee, I wonder why; huge needle, low blood pressure, large loss of fluids... duh!) Thankfully, a different nurse did the needle on the second try and it was no where near as painful. I thanked her.
Sometimes, I still can't believe I went through all that I did in January. Yesterday, as Greg was playing with Amelia, a thought came over me: Another family could be doing the same things with her if we had gone through with putting her up for adoption. Another family would be enjoying her smiles, babbles, shreiks and shrills. But, Greg and I are the ones enjoying this. It was weird to think about that and what our life would be like without Amelia. Greg told me, earlier this month when I asked him, that he would feel guilty if we had gone through with the adoption. I've also asked him if we would still be friends if we went through with the adoption and he thinks we would. He does feel that if he we had gone through the adoption, there might have been some strain on the friendship but he thinks we would be able to support each other and get through it. I've also asked him if he would ever tell me about his feelings for me if we hadn't had Amelia and he said yes, eventually. I constantly tease him about his feelings for me. I knew he had developed them and tried to get him to tell me but he was ignoring what his heart was telling him. The teasing is all in good nature and he knows this.
I had a weird dream this morning and it made me feel guilty. It wasn't a sex dream or anything, but more of a dream about me growing feelings for another person. the dream involved Greg and I looking for a place to live (as we are currently). An old friend of mine was living in this huge townhouse and told me that there was more than enough room for us to move in. So, I met the owner of the townhouse and he and I hit it off. There were sparks flying and everything. While this guy was showing me around, he started to hold my hand and I let him. Then, we walked outside and we went behind the townhouse, sat down and began to chat. He knew I had a boyfriend, he even talked and asked questions about him. Yet, he kept holding my hand and began to lean in to kiss me when Greg appeared around the corner on a moped like bike and I could see the frustration on this other guys face. It was so weird! And, when I awoke, I had this guilty feeling in my stomach. I told Greg about the dream and he just laughed. But, the dream makes me wonder if that is something that will happen in the future and I wonder how I would react if something simular were to occur.
The hand holding in the dream, I believe was due to the hand holding Greg and I did at the carnival. Greg and I don't hold hands very often in public. We usually hold hands at night while we're sleeping or if we're at the movie theaters. But, last night Greg would reached for my hand and held it so softly. It was very romantic for me. Especially since he was making the inital contact. Sometimes, while Greg and I are at a store or what not, I will go for his hand, but not very often. Usually, I just rub or run my fingers dow his back or play with his butt, which annoys him but I continue to do it anyway.
Have I mentioned how much I love my Flickr Pro account? I love Flickr to begin with! I check it constantly throughout the day to see how many views my pictures have received. At last look, I was at 621 views for 469 photos. Someone even marked one of my airshow photos as a favorite! So cool!
27 May 2007
Finally, a break!
Today has been so demanding!
I woke up pretty energized yet I wasn't able to complete a damn thing. There were so many items that I wanted to do today. Oh well, I can only hope for tomorrow.
This morning I went to the grocery store at like 10:30am! I even took Amelia with me. I decided, since I was feeling to energetic, to have a bbq this evening. So, I bought chicken and hamburger as well as items to make pasta salad, along with corn on the cob. Yummy! After the grocery store, I wanted to clean the bathroom, my room, do the laundry, and clean the kitchen. That was what I was in the mood for. Erie, I know.
All I did today was make the hamburger patties and that's it. Amelia took all my time today. She just wouldn't play with her toys. And, she was pretty cranky too. Greg thinks she's going to start teething soon. She slept very little today as well.
Also, Greg and I planned on checking out this place in Odenton,. We first set a time of 4:00-4:30 to meet, then he calls me at 3:15 and pushes it back to 5:00. This upset me because there was so much I wanted to do and him pushing this back an hour just delayed my mental schedule. I was pretty mad. But, I moved on. So, around 4:30 I leave to meet Greg at the complex and he hasn't even left his apartment yet! Oh, that angered me even more. He pushed the time back an hour and he was still going to be late. I was pretty hot when I learned this and I let him know it without sounding like a bitch. The only thing that really annoys me is Greg's tardiness. It picks me like nothing else ever has. I, personally, hate being late for anything. And, yet I am still able to be on time for anything even with a baby, and Greg can't be on time for anything except work and he doesn't have a baby to take care of or get ready in the mornings or any other time of day. So, how am I able to do this and he isn't? I don't get it. Again, even though I know he doesn't mean it, but every time he is late it just makes me feel that he doesn't care about the reason we set the time in the first place. He offered to come over tonight, even though he isn't over on Sundays, to help me with tomorrow since we both have the day off of work and the babysitter is going out of town. So, I accepted his help. But, if you're not going to honor your offer, why even bother? Ugh, I am still feeling pretty angry about this.
Anyway, when I arrived at the complex I was appalled at the condition and called Greg and told him to not bother meeting me here. The place isn't even worth applying. So, the hunt continues.
I ended up behind Greg once I got close to home. When we arrived, I cleaned the grill and started the fire. I prefer charcole grilling than gas grilling. Yes, a gas grill reaches the temperature faster but it doesn't have the wonderful taste that charcole grilling gives teh food. So, the wait is worth it for me.
I started with the chicken breasts, but the fire wasn't hot enough and it looked like it was about to rain, so I put them in the oven to finish cooking. But, I had to have the hamburgers cooked on the grill no matter what. Which, I have finally completed! While the hamburgers and chicken were cooking, I made pasta salad, and messed it up. Don't ask how. But, I was able to fix it and Greg loves it. After the salad, I shucked the corn and can you believe Greg has never shucked corn in his life? I don't understand how that is possible! I rather enjoy shucking corn. So, I got the corn cooking in the pot and decide to cook bacon for the hamburgers and chicken. I cooked an entire package of bacon. I think I am craving bacon as well. LOL
So, I believe everything is finally done and just in time because I am starving! I haven't eatin much today because Amelia wouldn't let me put her down, even while she was asleep for 10 minutes at a time. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with her and I love playing with her and talking to her, but I need time alone to get things done it it picks at me inside. Almost like OCD, but not so severe and once in a blue moon. Weird, I know.
Anyway, time to eat. I hope to finish tomorrow.
I woke up pretty energized yet I wasn't able to complete a damn thing. There were so many items that I wanted to do today. Oh well, I can only hope for tomorrow.
This morning I went to the grocery store at like 10:30am! I even took Amelia with me. I decided, since I was feeling to energetic, to have a bbq this evening. So, I bought chicken and hamburger as well as items to make pasta salad, along with corn on the cob. Yummy! After the grocery store, I wanted to clean the bathroom, my room, do the laundry, and clean the kitchen. That was what I was in the mood for. Erie, I know.
All I did today was make the hamburger patties and that's it. Amelia took all my time today. She just wouldn't play with her toys. And, she was pretty cranky too. Greg thinks she's going to start teething soon. She slept very little today as well.
Also, Greg and I planned on checking out this place in Odenton,. We first set a time of 4:00-4:30 to meet, then he calls me at 3:15 and pushes it back to 5:00. This upset me because there was so much I wanted to do and him pushing this back an hour just delayed my mental schedule. I was pretty mad. But, I moved on. So, around 4:30 I leave to meet Greg at the complex and he hasn't even left his apartment yet! Oh, that angered me even more. He pushed the time back an hour and he was still going to be late. I was pretty hot when I learned this and I let him know it without sounding like a bitch. The only thing that really annoys me is Greg's tardiness. It picks me like nothing else ever has. I, personally, hate being late for anything. And, yet I am still able to be on time for anything even with a baby, and Greg can't be on time for anything except work and he doesn't have a baby to take care of or get ready in the mornings or any other time of day. So, how am I able to do this and he isn't? I don't get it. Again, even though I know he doesn't mean it, but every time he is late it just makes me feel that he doesn't care about the reason we set the time in the first place. He offered to come over tonight, even though he isn't over on Sundays, to help me with tomorrow since we both have the day off of work and the babysitter is going out of town. So, I accepted his help. But, if you're not going to honor your offer, why even bother? Ugh, I am still feeling pretty angry about this.
Anyway, when I arrived at the complex I was appalled at the condition and called Greg and told him to not bother meeting me here. The place isn't even worth applying. So, the hunt continues.
I ended up behind Greg once I got close to home. When we arrived, I cleaned the grill and started the fire. I prefer charcole grilling than gas grilling. Yes, a gas grill reaches the temperature faster but it doesn't have the wonderful taste that charcole grilling gives teh food. So, the wait is worth it for me.
I started with the chicken breasts, but the fire wasn't hot enough and it looked like it was about to rain, so I put them in the oven to finish cooking. But, I had to have the hamburgers cooked on the grill no matter what. Which, I have finally completed! While the hamburgers and chicken were cooking, I made pasta salad, and messed it up. Don't ask how. But, I was able to fix it and Greg loves it. After the salad, I shucked the corn and can you believe Greg has never shucked corn in his life? I don't understand how that is possible! I rather enjoy shucking corn. So, I got the corn cooking in the pot and decide to cook bacon for the hamburgers and chicken. I cooked an entire package of bacon. I think I am craving bacon as well. LOL
So, I believe everything is finally done and just in time because I am starving! I haven't eatin much today because Amelia wouldn't let me put her down, even while she was asleep for 10 minutes at a time. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy spending time with her and I love playing with her and talking to her, but I need time alone to get things done it it picks at me inside. Almost like OCD, but not so severe and once in a blue moon. Weird, I know.
Anyway, time to eat. I hope to finish tomorrow.
24 May 2007
Thursdays Trials & Tribulations
This week has probably got to be the worst week I've experienced in some time.
I am feeling a little better today, though not by much. At least I don't have a headache anymore.
I just sent the following email to Greg:
Do you know how much you mean to me? How special you make me feel? How much I value your thoughts and feelings about us? How much I truly and deeply love you and how scared that makes me feel, only because I have never felt like this for someone in my entire life?
I just want to tell you that you are the most amazing person to ever enter my life and I value everyday I have with you, regardless of how challenging I may make it (like last night).
You are my future. And I couldn't’t be happier.
I love you.
Jess
and this is his reply:
Awwwwwww. That makes me feel so good and special thank you so much baby. Everything this morning felt so great, even just the snooze button pushing and cuddling. :)
Nothing has ever felt as right as it does with you....we just feel so perfect for each other and I love it. I love you so much Jess Jess, and I can't wait to live with you everyday and we can start our own lives as a family. :)
I didn't mind last night as long as we talk it out and come to understandings, challenges are what make so varied and fun. :)
Love you soo much,
Greg
::HUGS:: ::SMOOCHES::
I know I challenge Greg with all these weird crazy mood swings I go through but he doesn't seem to mind. He wants me to tell him whats bothering me, he wants to help me feel better. Last night, Greg and I stayed at work until 9pm. A majority of that time we were talking about people from our past and the 'friendships' that continued. I told Greg about the conversation with Dave and Greg read my blog entry as well. I told Greg what really pissed me off about Dave was that he couldn't tell me the truth. Like I said, if you're going to exclude me from your life after a 10 year history, at least be honest and tell me why. I would tell him, or anyone for that matter, why I decided to no longer be friends. But, I am over Dave's bullshit. I've already moved on.
The discussion Greg and I had last night has helped me feel better about things in general. It was frustrating to try to explain what I was feeling even when I didn't know what I was feeling. But, the conversation ended up revolving how we see people as a friend vs. acquaintance.
Once Greg and I left his job, we ran to Giant to get ice (Greg and I have a weird need for bagged ice) and drinks. Then, we headed over to Denny's for a late dinner. It was after 10:30 by the time we got home. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. Greg and I didn't talk about any of our previous conversation of the night and just watched tv. Then, around 11:30 I decided that I wanted to make love to Greg and we had an amazing evening. And, then he was asleep! I hate it when he falls asleep before me because I want to fall asleep as he's running his fingers through my hair or petting me. But, he tried to stay awake though he wasn't successful.
This morning, Greg and I kept hitting the snooze button on our cell phones. Neither of us wanted to wake up, much less get out of bed and go to work. Sleep felt so good. I slept so deeply too. I usually do after a good night of crying or when I am extreamly stressed, and last night was both. Also, last night I has a really weird dream: I dreampt that I was at some bar/resturant and I stepped away from Amelia who was on this round sofa/couch thing. She was the same age as she is now, four months old, and as I was at the counter getting the sodas and pizza, some worker yelled at me for putting the money on the counter and the menu and I was like, geez! Then, I turned around and saw Amelia making her way off the round sofa. She wasn't rolling off, she was climbing off, and as soon as she reached the ground she just layed there because she can't crawl or sit up on her own yet. And I remember thinking in my dream how weird it was for her to be able to do that. Then, out of no where, a person that I went to high school with, Steven, sat down on the sofa with me and we started a conversation. The dream was just so weird.
I leave in about a half hour to meet my Mom in Chuck Co. On my way to work, I realized that I forgot to pack any type of clothing. No pajamas, no underpants, nothing at all! How absent minded can I be? At least Greg and I remembered to put the stroller back in my car from his.
There was something else I wanted to write but I can't remember it at the moment.
Oh well.
Until then...
Jess
I am feeling a little better today, though not by much. At least I don't have a headache anymore.
I just sent the following email to Greg:
Do you know how much you mean to me? How special you make me feel? How much I value your thoughts and feelings about us? How much I truly and deeply love you and how scared that makes me feel, only because I have never felt like this for someone in my entire life?
I just want to tell you that you are the most amazing person to ever enter my life and I value everyday I have with you, regardless of how challenging I may make it (like last night).
You are my future. And I couldn't’t be happier.
I love you.
Jess
and this is his reply:
Awwwwwww. That makes me feel so good and special thank you so much baby. Everything this morning felt so great, even just the snooze button pushing and cuddling. :)
Nothing has ever felt as right as it does with you....we just feel so perfect for each other and I love it. I love you so much Jess Jess, and I can't wait to live with you everyday and we can start our own lives as a family. :)
I didn't mind last night as long as we talk it out and come to understandings, challenges are what make so varied and fun. :)
Love you soo much,
Greg
::HUGS:: ::SMOOCHES::
I know I challenge Greg with all these weird crazy mood swings I go through but he doesn't seem to mind. He wants me to tell him whats bothering me, he wants to help me feel better. Last night, Greg and I stayed at work until 9pm. A majority of that time we were talking about people from our past and the 'friendships' that continued. I told Greg about the conversation with Dave and Greg read my blog entry as well. I told Greg what really pissed me off about Dave was that he couldn't tell me the truth. Like I said, if you're going to exclude me from your life after a 10 year history, at least be honest and tell me why. I would tell him, or anyone for that matter, why I decided to no longer be friends. But, I am over Dave's bullshit. I've already moved on.
The discussion Greg and I had last night has helped me feel better about things in general. It was frustrating to try to explain what I was feeling even when I didn't know what I was feeling. But, the conversation ended up revolving how we see people as a friend vs. acquaintance.
Once Greg and I left his job, we ran to Giant to get ice (Greg and I have a weird need for bagged ice) and drinks. Then, we headed over to Denny's for a late dinner. It was after 10:30 by the time we got home. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. Greg and I didn't talk about any of our previous conversation of the night and just watched tv. Then, around 11:30 I decided that I wanted to make love to Greg and we had an amazing evening. And, then he was asleep! I hate it when he falls asleep before me because I want to fall asleep as he's running his fingers through my hair or petting me. But, he tried to stay awake though he wasn't successful.
This morning, Greg and I kept hitting the snooze button on our cell phones. Neither of us wanted to wake up, much less get out of bed and go to work. Sleep felt so good. I slept so deeply too. I usually do after a good night of crying or when I am extreamly stressed, and last night was both. Also, last night I has a really weird dream: I dreampt that I was at some bar/resturant and I stepped away from Amelia who was on this round sofa/couch thing. She was the same age as she is now, four months old, and as I was at the counter getting the sodas and pizza, some worker yelled at me for putting the money on the counter and the menu and I was like, geez! Then, I turned around and saw Amelia making her way off the round sofa. She wasn't rolling off, she was climbing off, and as soon as she reached the ground she just layed there because she can't crawl or sit up on her own yet. And I remember thinking in my dream how weird it was for her to be able to do that. Then, out of no where, a person that I went to high school with, Steven, sat down on the sofa with me and we started a conversation. The dream was just so weird.
I leave in about a half hour to meet my Mom in Chuck Co. On my way to work, I realized that I forgot to pack any type of clothing. No pajamas, no underpants, nothing at all! How absent minded can I be? At least Greg and I remembered to put the stroller back in my car from his.
There was something else I wanted to write but I can't remember it at the moment.
Oh well.
Until then...
Jess
23 May 2007
Interesting Read
I posted this article a while ago and thought I would re post it:
Entry for April 17, 2007 II
Why you don't have to have sex to cheat
Test your emotional faithfulness with 8 questions
All of us know that adultery — sex outside the marriage — is one of the gravest blows to a relationship as well as a painful rejection for one partner. But you don't have to have sex with anyone else to be unfaithful. Emotional infidelity is just as — and at times even more —destructive to relationships. Couples I counsel are absolutely outraged when I tell them that they could well be committing emotional infidelity when they flirt with co-workers, send around funny e-mails to colleagues, or hang out with members of the opposite sex at gatherings. But they are, and so, probably, are you.
You're not going to want to hear this, but stopping this kind of behavior is the single most important thing you can do for your relationship. It's not about where it may lead. It's about where it has already gone — far from your focus on your relationship. Remember what it is you've always wanted from your committed relationship, and start considering the large, determined commitment that is absolutely necessary to creating a happy coupling.
What's the harm in a man having a casual friendship with a woman when either has a partner? Or a married woman having a casual friendship with another man? Surely, every friendship doesn't lead to an affair. Yet we forget the emotional harm of relating to someone outside the relationship when that same energy can be used to relate to our own spouse. A committed relationship is about relating to another person with an intimacy felt with no one else.
How do you know if you're being unfaithful?
Consider your personal relationships:
When you hear a funny joke or good piece of gossip, do you first tell other colleagues? By the time you get home, have you chewed it all over so much at the office that you don't feel like telling it again to your partner?
Do you discuss all of your work problems (or issues involving volunteer work or other important things you are involved in) so thoroughly with colleagues that you're all talked out by the time you return home? Do you feel like it would take too long to review and explain the entire issue from scratch to your partner?
Do you go out alone to lunch or after work for drinks with members of the opposite sex?
Do you enjoy harmless (by your definition) flirtation at a cocktail party?
Do you believe that getting emotionally excited by flirting with someone else is helpful to your relationship? Do you think it helps educate you as to what you need more of from your partner? Do you tell yourself that the juice you get from flirting with others brings more vitality to your relationship?
Do you spend as long buying the "right gift" for a colleague as you do for your own partner?
Do you ride in a car sharing with someone else pleasant, personal conversations on the way to meetings or other work-related events?
Do you share intimate issues about yourself or relationship with a member of the opposite sex?
If you're doing any of these things, you're being emotionally unfaithful to your partner. You have only so much energy. If you're spending it with co-workers or outside the home and then getting home and feeling too tired to spend anymore on your partner, that's emotional infidelity. You're effectively relocating vital relationship energy into the hands of others. Forget about where it might end up. Even if you never touch this other person, you have still used that person to relate to, and in doing so, you relate away from your partner.
You may be shaking your head and disagreeing. But I've spent years helping couples pool their energies toward each other, and it has changed their relationship immediately. Stop all of these outside relationships and bring all your emotional and sexual energy home to your partner, and you, too, will change your relationship immediately."
So, that's some food for thought! Seriously, think about the 8 questions in the article and put yourself in those questions. I will admit, in the past, I have been guilty of numbers: 3, 4, and 8. But, in my defense, those were at the time that Adam wouldn't communicate with me. So, in a sense, I tried to not 'cheat' but he drove me to seek someone to 'cheat' with.
Now, the relationship Greg and I have is completely different than the one I had with Adam and what makes this huge difference is our communication with each other. He tells me everything that has happened at work (either via email throughout the day or when we talk to each other after work), he even tells me that he's been talking to his ex's (like today, he's been talking to both of them and even shared an email from one of them during lunch). I don't get jealous because he still talks to both of them because I know that his commitment is to me and that he would never do anything to 'loose me'. And, Greg knows that I still communicate with Adam (also, I usually BCC'd Greg on any correspondence between Adam and me) as well as with a few past 'FWB's (friends with benefits). Greg doesn't feel any jealousy either. We trust each other because we are completely honest and open with each other. Shit, he knows that one of my old FWB has been asking about he and I getting together for lunch one week and that I've accepted his lunch offer and Greg isn't jealous one bit because he can trust me and knows it. Adam, on the other hand, didn't trust me and each time I would go out with a group of friends he would ask, before I left, 'Can I trust you?".
I posted the article on April 17, I believe. As I type, I am at Greg's office and we just had a major discussion about being honest with each other, trusting each other and how we measure someone as a real friend vs. and acquaintance. I believe, that if you're a real friend to someone you must be truthful and honest with them no matter if the result hurts them. At least they know the truth and are not being mislead into believe that things are ok between them and the other person.
Greg doesn't like confrontation. He'd rather avoid the truth, him telling it, and just deal with 'it', what ever it is, with himself. I tell him that he is then misleading the person in believing that there isn't anything wrong when in fact there is.
The whole discussion Greg and I had is about about his 'friendship' with someone from his past. It doesn't bother me that they still talk, but it bothers me that he isn't truthful with this person. He doesn't tell them when they piss him off or defend himself if they say something that makes him look like the bad guy. Greg says he doesn't care. Yet, my argument is that if what is said has some emotional reaction, such as anger, then he does care. Greg is so passive about this whole... whatever I call it. I feel that if this person treated you, in general, like shit, lies about you to others, makes you look like a bad guy, then why would you even want to be 'friends' with them? So what if you have history; the history wasn't even all that positive a majority of the time. Why even associate yourself with someone that made you feel miserable sometimes. Is the 'friendship' really worth it; especially if you can't or won't be honest with them? In my opinion, no.
Like I said, Greg doesn't like confrontation. So I asked him last night what would he call our disgusion and he said it was confrontation, in a sort. I trust Greg. I have no reason to not trust him. I know some of the actions he did with his past relationship and he knows what I did with my last relationship. Even though they say "Once a cheater, always a cheater" I don't believe that. At one point in time I did, but only while I was with Adam. I thought that while I was with him, I would always cheat on him. But, being with Greg, I have absolutley no desire to be with another man nor do I confide my emotions to someone else when there is a 'issue'. I tell EVERYTHING to Greg, the good, bad, and ugly. I don't hide anything from him. Even when I did something 'sneaky' this past March and when the truth came out, the first thing I did was confide to Greg about what I did and he wasn't even upset! I, on the other hand, felt horrible about my actions because I did something that I would never even consider, usually. But, even though this isn't an excuse, I blame the damn birth control I was on at that time. Since then, I've been much better. Even though I still get emotional mood swings just before or after my cycle. In due time, I am hoping that too will go away.
Entry for April 17, 2007 II
Why you don't have to have sex to cheat
Test your emotional faithfulness with 8 questions
All of us know that adultery — sex outside the marriage — is one of the gravest blows to a relationship as well as a painful rejection for one partner. But you don't have to have sex with anyone else to be unfaithful. Emotional infidelity is just as — and at times even more —destructive to relationships. Couples I counsel are absolutely outraged when I tell them that they could well be committing emotional infidelity when they flirt with co-workers, send around funny e-mails to colleagues, or hang out with members of the opposite sex at gatherings. But they are, and so, probably, are you.
You're not going to want to hear this, but stopping this kind of behavior is the single most important thing you can do for your relationship. It's not about where it may lead. It's about where it has already gone — far from your focus on your relationship. Remember what it is you've always wanted from your committed relationship, and start considering the large, determined commitment that is absolutely necessary to creating a happy coupling.
What's the harm in a man having a casual friendship with a woman when either has a partner? Or a married woman having a casual friendship with another man? Surely, every friendship doesn't lead to an affair. Yet we forget the emotional harm of relating to someone outside the relationship when that same energy can be used to relate to our own spouse. A committed relationship is about relating to another person with an intimacy felt with no one else.
How do you know if you're being unfaithful?
Consider your personal relationships:
When you hear a funny joke or good piece of gossip, do you first tell other colleagues? By the time you get home, have you chewed it all over so much at the office that you don't feel like telling it again to your partner?
Do you discuss all of your work problems (or issues involving volunteer work or other important things you are involved in) so thoroughly with colleagues that you're all talked out by the time you return home? Do you feel like it would take too long to review and explain the entire issue from scratch to your partner?
Do you go out alone to lunch or after work for drinks with members of the opposite sex?
Do you enjoy harmless (by your definition) flirtation at a cocktail party?
Do you believe that getting emotionally excited by flirting with someone else is helpful to your relationship? Do you think it helps educate you as to what you need more of from your partner? Do you tell yourself that the juice you get from flirting with others brings more vitality to your relationship?
Do you spend as long buying the "right gift" for a colleague as you do for your own partner?
Do you ride in a car sharing with someone else pleasant, personal conversations on the way to meetings or other work-related events?
Do you share intimate issues about yourself or relationship with a member of the opposite sex?
If you're doing any of these things, you're being emotionally unfaithful to your partner. You have only so much energy. If you're spending it with co-workers or outside the home and then getting home and feeling too tired to spend anymore on your partner, that's emotional infidelity. You're effectively relocating vital relationship energy into the hands of others. Forget about where it might end up. Even if you never touch this other person, you have still used that person to relate to, and in doing so, you relate away from your partner.
You may be shaking your head and disagreeing. But I've spent years helping couples pool their energies toward each other, and it has changed their relationship immediately. Stop all of these outside relationships and bring all your emotional and sexual energy home to your partner, and you, too, will change your relationship immediately."
So, that's some food for thought! Seriously, think about the 8 questions in the article and put yourself in those questions. I will admit, in the past, I have been guilty of numbers: 3, 4, and 8. But, in my defense, those were at the time that Adam wouldn't communicate with me. So, in a sense, I tried to not 'cheat' but he drove me to seek someone to 'cheat' with.
Now, the relationship Greg and I have is completely different than the one I had with Adam and what makes this huge difference is our communication with each other. He tells me everything that has happened at work (either via email throughout the day or when we talk to each other after work), he even tells me that he's been talking to his ex's (like today, he's been talking to both of them and even shared an email from one of them during lunch). I don't get jealous because he still talks to both of them because I know that his commitment is to me and that he would never do anything to 'loose me'. And, Greg knows that I still communicate with Adam (also, I usually BCC'd Greg on any correspondence between Adam and me) as well as with a few past 'FWB's (friends with benefits). Greg doesn't feel any jealousy either. We trust each other because we are completely honest and open with each other. Shit, he knows that one of my old FWB has been asking about he and I getting together for lunch one week and that I've accepted his lunch offer and Greg isn't jealous one bit because he can trust me and knows it. Adam, on the other hand, didn't trust me and each time I would go out with a group of friends he would ask, before I left, 'Can I trust you?".
I posted the article on April 17, I believe. As I type, I am at Greg's office and we just had a major discussion about being honest with each other, trusting each other and how we measure someone as a real friend vs. and acquaintance. I believe, that if you're a real friend to someone you must be truthful and honest with them no matter if the result hurts them. At least they know the truth and are not being mislead into believe that things are ok between them and the other person.
Greg doesn't like confrontation. He'd rather avoid the truth, him telling it, and just deal with 'it', what ever it is, with himself. I tell him that he is then misleading the person in believing that there isn't anything wrong when in fact there is.
The whole discussion Greg and I had is about about his 'friendship' with someone from his past. It doesn't bother me that they still talk, but it bothers me that he isn't truthful with this person. He doesn't tell them when they piss him off or defend himself if they say something that makes him look like the bad guy. Greg says he doesn't care. Yet, my argument is that if what is said has some emotional reaction, such as anger, then he does care. Greg is so passive about this whole... whatever I call it. I feel that if this person treated you, in general, like shit, lies about you to others, makes you look like a bad guy, then why would you even want to be 'friends' with them? So what if you have history; the history wasn't even all that positive a majority of the time. Why even associate yourself with someone that made you feel miserable sometimes. Is the 'friendship' really worth it; especially if you can't or won't be honest with them? In my opinion, no.
Like I said, Greg doesn't like confrontation. So I asked him last night what would he call our disgusion and he said it was confrontation, in a sort. I trust Greg. I have no reason to not trust him. I know some of the actions he did with his past relationship and he knows what I did with my last relationship. Even though they say "Once a cheater, always a cheater" I don't believe that. At one point in time I did, but only while I was with Adam. I thought that while I was with him, I would always cheat on him. But, being with Greg, I have absolutley no desire to be with another man nor do I confide my emotions to someone else when there is a 'issue'. I tell EVERYTHING to Greg, the good, bad, and ugly. I don't hide anything from him. Even when I did something 'sneaky' this past March and when the truth came out, the first thing I did was confide to Greg about what I did and he wasn't even upset! I, on the other hand, felt horrible about my actions because I did something that I would never even consider, usually. But, even though this isn't an excuse, I blame the damn birth control I was on at that time. Since then, I've been much better. Even though I still get emotional mood swings just before or after my cycle. In due time, I am hoping that too will go away.
Wednesday Woes
I still don't feel very cheerful and the headache isn't helping matters.
Tomorrow afternoon I head down to Nanjemoy to meet Mom, do a little funeral shopping and then go to the viewing, then Friday afternoon is the actual funeral at St. Joseph Church in Pomfret, MD. St. Jospeh Church is my family church. It's really small but neat. That is where my Grandma's family is buried and that is where my Poppop's family is buried. The last burial I went to was when Pop died last June. His funeral was a military funeral and it had the whole 21 gun salute and everything. It was moving and interesting at the same time. Also, that was the last time I saw Adam in person. Wait, scratch that; the last burial funeral I went to was this past November when Van's mom died. But, the one before that was Pops funeral last June. So, this makes three funerals in less than a year. The other two deaths were cremations and they were my Aunt in Dec 05 and Adams Dad in Sept 06. So much death in so little time.
Greg talked to the condo people last night and set up a time on Saturday to check the place out. I am getting excited about this possibility and I really hope we get to rent it. The owners are looking for 3 year tenants which is something Greg and I are more than interested in doing. It would be nice to have a home, so to speak. The last 5 years I've moved three times. Genreally, I move every two years, but I also moved last summer and I am planning on moving again this summer. What's nice is that my half of the rent is only going to increase by $50 and Greg and I are going to share everything else. We already know how much the cable bill is going to be since I have an exsisting account, as well as our cell phones, car insurance, etc. The only unknown is the BG&E bill. At the townhouse, the bill never went over $200 in a months worth of usage. But, the condo uses natural gas and has a gas fireplace, so that could increase the bill some. But, my job supports BG&E and I could enroll in a fixed rate... something to consider.
I feel so thankful that Greg is such an understanding and tolerating person. He listens to me when something is bothering me. I can talk to him about anything, whether it's negative or positive. He's open to me about his ex girlfriends when I ask questions. He tolerates my weird emotional moods. He understands that I am blaming these weird emotional moods on my birth control (even though I am no where near as bad as I was in March). He's also very supportive. I know I can count on him for anything at anytime. Like, all the times I've locked myself out of the house, he always came to my rescue, or when I was out of work for 2 months, Greg put money in my bank account so that my bills will get paid and my account won't go into the negative, or that scary day on January 22 when I started to, literally, bleed to death and the doctors office told me to call 911, I called Greg because I was scared and I wanted him to be with me and he dropped everything at work and came over (just before the ambulance did) and he took care of Amelia, who was only 10 days old, and Max, the dog, while I was rushed to the hospital and when everything was said and done, Greg took two days off of work to take care of me and Amelia as I recoverd from the emergency D&C and blood transfusion. So much has happened to me this year. Some good and some bad (mainly the bad is the physical stuff from January). At least the good out weighs the bad in more ways than one. But, there is one bad, though it didn't happen to me but it affects me, that can potentally effect a good. But, to name some of the good: A steady job; supportive family; Greg; my friends; finally filing for divorce; a healthy baby; and so much more. Some of the bad: my stubborn mental emotion that won't let go; the thing that happend in Greg's past that affects our future living together; a car that now has 190K miles on it; to name the top three.
In other news...
I received a credit card offer in the mail last night and I went online to 'enroll' since I was only pre-qualified, and to my surprise I was accepted! Now, the down side of this card is that it has a extreamly high annual fee of $150. Yeah, that's high as hell. But, my plan is to use the card to re-establish my credit rating to help me get a better deal for my future car. Last Novemeber, I accepted another credit card offer that is the exact same as the one I did last night. The bonus with this card is that I have a 0.0% interest rate that is guarenteed as long as I make my payments on time and don't go over the credit limit, which I've been able to do. And, they have already increased my credit limit! Whoohoo! So, this year, aside from all the challenges that I've faced, I am still able to improve something that will help me in the future: My Credit Score. Now, I am thinking of adding Greg to my newest credit card since he doesn't have one and it would be nice for him to have something just in case for an emergancy, like gas or something like that. Plus, if we ever want to rent a car I believe we would need a credit card, or so I believe. I haven't talked to Greg about it but I don't think he'll reject the idea. Although, I am curious if I add him to my account if the credit card company will also report to the credit agencies for him. Anyway, my current credit card asks for a minimum payment of $20 and I ususally send $40 or more. Plus, with my new job and such, I am positive that I can pay Greg's Dell bill and my two credit cards. No sweat.
Adam sent me an email last night stating that he still hasn't found a job. I have no idea what I would be doing if he and I were still together. It was stressful enough when he was on paid administrative leave from Nov. 04 to Feb. 05 and then he was just on unemployment. Adam has had a few small jobs here and there since Nov. 04 but nothing long term or didn't last longer than 4-6 months. I know he's not doing well, emotionally, because he is so hung up on his pride. That's one thing I didn't understand about him; he would rather not work at a place because it would hurt his pride than be unemployed and on unemployement. Gee, I would figure the latter would be more hurtful than working at a temp service or, heaven forbid, McDonalds. But, Adam isn't a very sociable person. He doesn't get along well with others that don't share his personal views of the world, especially about politics. The only thing that Adam and I had in common was music and a few televison shows or movies. Other than that, we were on different views or beliefs about everything else.
While Greg and I were friends, he gave me a view of what I should look for in a person and that I should never settle. Greg is everything I've ever wanted or needed in a person. He has all the qualities I could ever dream about and then some. He set the bar for any future relationships and to my pleasure, he and I have fallen in love with each other. The feeling of being in love is amazaing and freightful at the same time. The reason I say freightful because you know that if you break-up with someone that you have fallen in love with it's going to hurt like you've never felt before and for me, that is something I fear. I have been hurt in the pass but I was never in love with someone and if Greg and I do not work out and when (or if) we come to that realization, it's going to knock me off my feet and I honestly hope that pain is something I never have to feel.
It has taken me all day to write this. I started in the morning and now it's 2:05pm. I also wrote on my private blog. I've decided to stop writing at Y! and to do a completely private blog. That way, I can reopen my Y! 360 blog though I am going to remove the private posts I wrote on there and put them at my new private location.
This day has been slow and I've been procrastination a lot of things. I am just not in the mood to work but at the same time I would rather be here than at home. I just love how my brain makes me feel.
Tomorrow afternoon I head down to Nanjemoy to meet Mom, do a little funeral shopping and then go to the viewing, then Friday afternoon is the actual funeral at St. Joseph Church in Pomfret, MD. St. Jospeh Church is my family church. It's really small but neat. That is where my Grandma's family is buried and that is where my Poppop's family is buried. The last burial I went to was when Pop died last June. His funeral was a military funeral and it had the whole 21 gun salute and everything. It was moving and interesting at the same time. Also, that was the last time I saw Adam in person. Wait, scratch that; the last burial funeral I went to was this past November when Van's mom died. But, the one before that was Pops funeral last June. So, this makes three funerals in less than a year. The other two deaths were cremations and they were my Aunt in Dec 05 and Adams Dad in Sept 06. So much death in so little time.
Greg talked to the condo people last night and set up a time on Saturday to check the place out. I am getting excited about this possibility and I really hope we get to rent it. The owners are looking for 3 year tenants which is something Greg and I are more than interested in doing. It would be nice to have a home, so to speak. The last 5 years I've moved three times. Genreally, I move every two years, but I also moved last summer and I am planning on moving again this summer. What's nice is that my half of the rent is only going to increase by $50 and Greg and I are going to share everything else. We already know how much the cable bill is going to be since I have an exsisting account, as well as our cell phones, car insurance, etc. The only unknown is the BG&E bill. At the townhouse, the bill never went over $200 in a months worth of usage. But, the condo uses natural gas and has a gas fireplace, so that could increase the bill some. But, my job supports BG&E and I could enroll in a fixed rate... something to consider.
I feel so thankful that Greg is such an understanding and tolerating person. He listens to me when something is bothering me. I can talk to him about anything, whether it's negative or positive. He's open to me about his ex girlfriends when I ask questions. He tolerates my weird emotional moods. He understands that I am blaming these weird emotional moods on my birth control (even though I am no where near as bad as I was in March). He's also very supportive. I know I can count on him for anything at anytime. Like, all the times I've locked myself out of the house, he always came to my rescue, or when I was out of work for 2 months, Greg put money in my bank account so that my bills will get paid and my account won't go into the negative, or that scary day on January 22 when I started to, literally, bleed to death and the doctors office told me to call 911, I called Greg because I was scared and I wanted him to be with me and he dropped everything at work and came over (just before the ambulance did) and he took care of Amelia, who was only 10 days old, and Max, the dog, while I was rushed to the hospital and when everything was said and done, Greg took two days off of work to take care of me and Amelia as I recoverd from the emergency D&C and blood transfusion. So much has happened to me this year. Some good and some bad (mainly the bad is the physical stuff from January). At least the good out weighs the bad in more ways than one. But, there is one bad, though it didn't happen to me but it affects me, that can potentally effect a good. But, to name some of the good: A steady job; supportive family; Greg; my friends; finally filing for divorce; a healthy baby; and so much more. Some of the bad: my stubborn mental emotion that won't let go; the thing that happend in Greg's past that affects our future living together; a car that now has 190K miles on it; to name the top three.
In other news...
I received a credit card offer in the mail last night and I went online to 'enroll' since I was only pre-qualified, and to my surprise I was accepted! Now, the down side of this card is that it has a extreamly high annual fee of $150. Yeah, that's high as hell. But, my plan is to use the card to re-establish my credit rating to help me get a better deal for my future car. Last Novemeber, I accepted another credit card offer that is the exact same as the one I did last night. The bonus with this card is that I have a 0.0% interest rate that is guarenteed as long as I make my payments on time and don't go over the credit limit, which I've been able to do. And, they have already increased my credit limit! Whoohoo! So, this year, aside from all the challenges that I've faced, I am still able to improve something that will help me in the future: My Credit Score. Now, I am thinking of adding Greg to my newest credit card since he doesn't have one and it would be nice for him to have something just in case for an emergancy, like gas or something like that. Plus, if we ever want to rent a car I believe we would need a credit card, or so I believe. I haven't talked to Greg about it but I don't think he'll reject the idea. Although, I am curious if I add him to my account if the credit card company will also report to the credit agencies for him. Anyway, my current credit card asks for a minimum payment of $20 and I ususally send $40 or more. Plus, with my new job and such, I am positive that I can pay Greg's Dell bill and my two credit cards. No sweat.
Adam sent me an email last night stating that he still hasn't found a job. I have no idea what I would be doing if he and I were still together. It was stressful enough when he was on paid administrative leave from Nov. 04 to Feb. 05 and then he was just on unemployment. Adam has had a few small jobs here and there since Nov. 04 but nothing long term or didn't last longer than 4-6 months. I know he's not doing well, emotionally, because he is so hung up on his pride. That's one thing I didn't understand about him; he would rather not work at a place because it would hurt his pride than be unemployed and on unemployement. Gee, I would figure the latter would be more hurtful than working at a temp service or, heaven forbid, McDonalds. But, Adam isn't a very sociable person. He doesn't get along well with others that don't share his personal views of the world, especially about politics. The only thing that Adam and I had in common was music and a few televison shows or movies. Other than that, we were on different views or beliefs about everything else.
While Greg and I were friends, he gave me a view of what I should look for in a person and that I should never settle. Greg is everything I've ever wanted or needed in a person. He has all the qualities I could ever dream about and then some. He set the bar for any future relationships and to my pleasure, he and I have fallen in love with each other. The feeling of being in love is amazaing and freightful at the same time. The reason I say freightful because you know that if you break-up with someone that you have fallen in love with it's going to hurt like you've never felt before and for me, that is something I fear. I have been hurt in the pass but I was never in love with someone and if Greg and I do not work out and when (or if) we come to that realization, it's going to knock me off my feet and I honestly hope that pain is something I never have to feel.
It has taken me all day to write this. I started in the morning and now it's 2:05pm. I also wrote on my private blog. I've decided to stop writing at Y! and to do a completely private blog. That way, I can reopen my Y! 360 blog though I am going to remove the private posts I wrote on there and put them at my new private location.
This day has been slow and I've been procrastination a lot of things. I am just not in the mood to work but at the same time I would rather be here than at home. I just love how my brain makes me feel.
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