Do you know what I love most about us?
You.
" Jess,
I wish I could write so much of what I feel. I know things are tough right now, but we'll make it through. You mean the world to me. I love you with all my heart.
Greg
XOXOXOXOXOXO "
Last night, I was still in a funk of a mood. I didn't talk much to my brother or Aaron and just putted around the townhouse. Around 7:30, Greg calls and we chat for a few. I wasn't really in the mood to talk. He stated that he was a little sadden that I hadn't called, like I normally do, and that he shouldn't be much longer at work. After the conversation, I start my laundry and fix something for dinner (chicken nuggets and frozen pizza; Yum!). Around 8:30, I head upstairs for my room and call Greg to see what his E.T.A is. He informs me that he's just getting off of Rt 100 and that he's going to stop at the store for toilet paper, ice, and soda, all of which we were out. So, I just lay in bed and watch TV. About 20 minutes later I hear Greg walk in the door and start to put the items away. After a few minutes he asks me to come down stairs. So, I get up and walk down stairs. Greg is in the kitchen and on the counter is a Strawberry Carvel Cake waiting for me and inside the box (which was open) was a card, which I've written the contents of said card at the beginning of this post. I really fought hard to hold back the tears that started to pool in my eyes. Once I calmed down, I turned to Greg and gave him a big hug, thanked him and told him that I love him. Afterwards, I cut the cake and ate a slice! Yummy!
Greg and I watched Hell's Kitchen. We expected Vinnie to go; boy can't cook Beef Wellington if his life depended on it! Which made Greg and I wonder why he was always at that station! But, the show wasn't as eventful as past episodes. Now, we just look forward to Top Chef tomorrow night.
After work, I am going to stop by Greg's office to make copies my information for the application to his current complex. Yesterday, Greg talked to the office and they informed him that they will need a signed letter from him Mom confirming that he will no be on the lease for that apartment, a signed letter from him confirming that he is removing himself from that apartment, my statement of my salary from my employer, my three most recent pay stubs, drivers license and security card. Thankfully, all of which I have.
I keep distracting myself by reading other peoples blogs. I have a regular one that I read about a women and her adventure with IVF, and then I read the blogs of her readers. It's a vicious circle.
I am trying to not think about what was planned for this coming Thursday and that this time next week, I should be living with Greg. I am really trying to not think those types of thoughts. Easier said than done; which is also why I've been distracting myself by reading the events in other peoples lives. It does help.
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
Showing posts with label feelings. Show all posts
26 June 2007
25 June 2007
-no title-
I'm just not feeling it today.
I can't remember what Greg and I did, if anything, this past Friday.
On Saturday, we got up kinda early and went to check out a place and didn't like it one bit. They check your driving record, school records and so much more! Sheesh. After we checked that place out, we went to Target and did a little shopping. We bought Amelia her high chair; it's a chair that we can attach to any chair and converts to a booster seat when she's older. I bought my swimsuit, and a gift for my Cousin April. While we were at Target, we received so much attention due to Amelia and her amazing amount of hair! People were stopping in their tracks to look at her and tell Greg and me how beautiful she is and "Look at that head of hair!" Also, we found a gym thing that we want to get Amelia. It's Fisher-Price's Rain forest theme, which is what we're going for, and it is on springs so Amelia and jump up and down and such. We put her in the store model and she actually liked it! So, once Greg and I find a place to live, we're going to buy that gym thing. After Target, we went to Friendly's and had lunch and then headed home where we put the highchair together and tested it out on Amelia. She looked so small in it. Greg took pictures, I just haven't uploaded them, yet. Then, after that, we took a nap. Naps are something Greg and I usually don't do. The last time we took a nap in the late afternoon was when we went to the JSOH Airshow. The nap was short, but refreshing. Greg and I didn't do much for the rest of the day or night.
On Sunday, we headed down to Waldorf for my Cousin April's baby shower. April's gift opening took over two hours! She received so many items! Greg and I took pictures, but I did all the picture taking with Aprils camera. We played games and good times were had by all. Greg won one of the games! He won a purse that had Victoria's Secret fragrances inside. Of course, Greg gave me the purse and items. It was funny though. Greg and I left about a quarter to four and headed home. Once we reached 97, I asked if he wanted to stop by the airport park since the planes were taking off over the park and he said sure. Personally, I wanted to go because I've never seen planes take off from that view. Greg and I hung out there for about 20 minutes then we headed over to my old car to clean it out. Basically, I only took the items that I needed or wanted; the rest of the stuff I left since the car was going to be junked anyway. Some of the things I left in the car were my wedding pictures. I didn't have any prefessional pictures taken or anything, mind you, so it's not like I spent hundreds of dollars on these pictures. But, I didn't see any reason to hold on to them. Besides, they have been in the trunk of my car for at least two years and I haven't done anything with them. It was weird looking at myself from nearly four years ago (Adam and I married on Aug 8, 2003). I've changed a lot, physically, mentally, and emotionall, since then and I didn't see any reason to keeping the pictures. But, now that I think about it, I would like to go back and see if I can save some pictures that have my Aunt in them or Munner and Pop, all of whom are no longer here. That chapter closed; moving onto a new.
Oh, by the way, I am probably going to file my divorce papers this week; the day Greg and I are going to take off to look and file applications to a few places.
Oh, my Mom has Amelia for the week. Mom asked Greg and I on Saturday morning if she could take her after the babyshower and I told her that Greg and I would have to talk about it. The reason being is because 1. it would be short notice for April the Sitter; and 2. Greg doesn't want to burn out Mom with all the sitting; espeically since we're going to need her to watch Amelia for a week at the end of July. So, after Greg and I talked about it during lunch on Saturday, we decided it was ok. When I called Mom later that night and told her, she was all happy and excited and when I told her why we had to think about it, specifically Greg's reason, she just laughed. She said there is no way she could ever be burned out from spending time with her first Grandbaby.
I am so bummed that Greg and I are not going to be starting our lives together this week. It irritates me that I have to wait, at least, another month for us to be together. This move was the one thing I have been so looking forward to! I was counting the days since the month of April. I just can't seem to get out of this funk of a mood. Also, I was feeling a bit of jealousy on Sunday, while at the baby shower. Not because April received so many things, but because she is able to enjoy her pregnancy, talk about it, get all excited and so much more; whereas I couldn't and didn't. I believe if Greg were more accepting and excited about being a dad, as he was when he learned that my water broke, in the beginning when I found out I was pregnant, I might feel different. I wished I had a baby shower for me, again not for the gifts, to share my excitment and have everyone tell me how excited they are for Greg and me, and argue over the name and so forth. I am fortunate enough to have a very supportive family that was able to help Greg and me get all the things we needed for Amelia, even before she was born, then and now. I am happy about that, but there are some things I feel I missed out on with this being my first baby.
Greg and I talked a little about our future together as man and wife. I always ask him why he feels our relationship is different than our past and he usually responds that his feelings for me are different than what he felt with his exes. So, when I asked him again this past weekend, just to make conversation on the road, he told me what he's told his co-workers (which, again surprised me) "I enjoy spending time with you. I look forward to the nights I come over and don't want to leave you when it's time to go." For once, he feels love as deep as ours. Yes, he's been in love in the past, but that 'in-love' feeling wore off and he says the love he feels for me is nothing that he's felt for anyone else. It makes me feel good to hear him tell me that he's never felt love for anyone else as strong as he does for me; and the reason why is because I feel the exact same for him.
Ugh. I am really not in a good mood today. I've been very argumentive to customers who are cancelling for petty reasons. Which, may sound good on the monitorings showing my rebuttles or what not, but that's usually not my style.
Greg sent me an email telling me that he's going to stop by two places to pick up their application information and then bring them over tonight so we can talk about it. Honestly, right now I don't even know if I want Greg to come over. I am really in a funk of a mood with no real reason. The only thing I can guess is the whole week has been emotionally rough and I'm having a harder time dealing with it than I thought I was.
I haven't slept well in the last two days. My asthma kept me up on Saturday night and kept bothering me all Sunday. Then during the afternoon on Sunday, my back started to bother me and I knew it was from the difficulty of breathing. So, when we got home last night, I took some Alieve and layed in bed. I fell asleep somewhere between 10:30 and 11:00pm, but awoke around 3am because of my backache and I couldn't fall back asleep or get comfortable. So, around 4:45am, I got up and found some Vicodene from when I had my tooth pull and layed back in bed. It took probably a half hour for me start feeling the effect and fall back asleep. Then, my brother wakes me up a little before 6am because he locked himself outside and then around 7:21am, I am awoken to the noise of someone knocking on the door! I tell Greg it's his turn to answer the door since I let Sean in and then realize that I was dreaming. But, I hear the knock again and walk into Aaron's room to look out the window. I didn't realize that Aaron was still home, so I just bardge into his room! He startled me and then I ask if he heard the knocking and he said no, so I continue to look out the window and I don't see anything. So, I guess it was all in my head.
I am really not in the mood to work anymore. I don't want to deal with people right now and I've had some nasty phone calls today. I just can't wait until this day is over.
I can't remember what Greg and I did, if anything, this past Friday.
On Saturday, we got up kinda early and went to check out a place and didn't like it one bit. They check your driving record, school records and so much more! Sheesh. After we checked that place out, we went to Target and did a little shopping. We bought Amelia her high chair; it's a chair that we can attach to any chair and converts to a booster seat when she's older. I bought my swimsuit, and a gift for my Cousin April. While we were at Target, we received so much attention due to Amelia and her amazing amount of hair! People were stopping in their tracks to look at her and tell Greg and me how beautiful she is and "Look at that head of hair!" Also, we found a gym thing that we want to get Amelia. It's Fisher-Price's Rain forest theme, which is what we're going for, and it is on springs so Amelia and jump up and down and such. We put her in the store model and she actually liked it! So, once Greg and I find a place to live, we're going to buy that gym thing. After Target, we went to Friendly's and had lunch and then headed home where we put the highchair together and tested it out on Amelia. She looked so small in it. Greg took pictures, I just haven't uploaded them, yet. Then, after that, we took a nap. Naps are something Greg and I usually don't do. The last time we took a nap in the late afternoon was when we went to the JSOH Airshow. The nap was short, but refreshing. Greg and I didn't do much for the rest of the day or night.
On Sunday, we headed down to Waldorf for my Cousin April's baby shower. April's gift opening took over two hours! She received so many items! Greg and I took pictures, but I did all the picture taking with Aprils camera. We played games and good times were had by all. Greg won one of the games! He won a purse that had Victoria's Secret fragrances inside. Of course, Greg gave me the purse and items. It was funny though. Greg and I left about a quarter to four and headed home. Once we reached 97, I asked if he wanted to stop by the airport park since the planes were taking off over the park and he said sure. Personally, I wanted to go because I've never seen planes take off from that view. Greg and I hung out there for about 20 minutes then we headed over to my old car to clean it out. Basically, I only took the items that I needed or wanted; the rest of the stuff I left since the car was going to be junked anyway. Some of the things I left in the car were my wedding pictures. I didn't have any prefessional pictures taken or anything, mind you, so it's not like I spent hundreds of dollars on these pictures. But, I didn't see any reason to hold on to them. Besides, they have been in the trunk of my car for at least two years and I haven't done anything with them. It was weird looking at myself from nearly four years ago (Adam and I married on Aug 8, 2003). I've changed a lot, physically, mentally, and emotionall, since then and I didn't see any reason to keeping the pictures. But, now that I think about it, I would like to go back and see if I can save some pictures that have my Aunt in them or Munner and Pop, all of whom are no longer here. That chapter closed; moving onto a new.
Oh, by the way, I am probably going to file my divorce papers this week; the day Greg and I are going to take off to look and file applications to a few places.
Oh, my Mom has Amelia for the week. Mom asked Greg and I on Saturday morning if she could take her after the babyshower and I told her that Greg and I would have to talk about it. The reason being is because 1. it would be short notice for April the Sitter; and 2. Greg doesn't want to burn out Mom with all the sitting; espeically since we're going to need her to watch Amelia for a week at the end of July. So, after Greg and I talked about it during lunch on Saturday, we decided it was ok. When I called Mom later that night and told her, she was all happy and excited and when I told her why we had to think about it, specifically Greg's reason, she just laughed. She said there is no way she could ever be burned out from spending time with her first Grandbaby.
I am so bummed that Greg and I are not going to be starting our lives together this week. It irritates me that I have to wait, at least, another month for us to be together. This move was the one thing I have been so looking forward to! I was counting the days since the month of April. I just can't seem to get out of this funk of a mood. Also, I was feeling a bit of jealousy on Sunday, while at the baby shower. Not because April received so many things, but because she is able to enjoy her pregnancy, talk about it, get all excited and so much more; whereas I couldn't and didn't. I believe if Greg were more accepting and excited about being a dad, as he was when he learned that my water broke, in the beginning when I found out I was pregnant, I might feel different. I wished I had a baby shower for me, again not for the gifts, to share my excitment and have everyone tell me how excited they are for Greg and me, and argue over the name and so forth. I am fortunate enough to have a very supportive family that was able to help Greg and me get all the things we needed for Amelia, even before she was born, then and now. I am happy about that, but there are some things I feel I missed out on with this being my first baby.
Greg and I talked a little about our future together as man and wife. I always ask him why he feels our relationship is different than our past and he usually responds that his feelings for me are different than what he felt with his exes. So, when I asked him again this past weekend, just to make conversation on the road, he told me what he's told his co-workers (which, again surprised me) "I enjoy spending time with you. I look forward to the nights I come over and don't want to leave you when it's time to go." For once, he feels love as deep as ours. Yes, he's been in love in the past, but that 'in-love' feeling wore off and he says the love he feels for me is nothing that he's felt for anyone else. It makes me feel good to hear him tell me that he's never felt love for anyone else as strong as he does for me; and the reason why is because I feel the exact same for him.
Ugh. I am really not in a good mood today. I've been very argumentive to customers who are cancelling for petty reasons. Which, may sound good on the monitorings showing my rebuttles or what not, but that's usually not my style.
Greg sent me an email telling me that he's going to stop by two places to pick up their application information and then bring them over tonight so we can talk about it. Honestly, right now I don't even know if I want Greg to come over. I am really in a funk of a mood with no real reason. The only thing I can guess is the whole week has been emotionally rough and I'm having a harder time dealing with it than I thought I was.
I haven't slept well in the last two days. My asthma kept me up on Saturday night and kept bothering me all Sunday. Then during the afternoon on Sunday, my back started to bother me and I knew it was from the difficulty of breathing. So, when we got home last night, I took some Alieve and layed in bed. I fell asleep somewhere between 10:30 and 11:00pm, but awoke around 3am because of my backache and I couldn't fall back asleep or get comfortable. So, around 4:45am, I got up and found some Vicodene from when I had my tooth pull and layed back in bed. It took probably a half hour for me start feeling the effect and fall back asleep. Then, my brother wakes me up a little before 6am because he locked himself outside and then around 7:21am, I am awoken to the noise of someone knocking on the door! I tell Greg it's his turn to answer the door since I let Sean in and then realize that I was dreaming. But, I hear the knock again and walk into Aaron's room to look out the window. I didn't realize that Aaron was still home, so I just bardge into his room! He startled me and then I ask if he heard the knocking and he said no, so I continue to look out the window and I don't see anything. So, I guess it was all in my head.
I am really not in the mood to work anymore. I don't want to deal with people right now and I've had some nasty phone calls today. I just can't wait until this day is over.
21 June 2007
Feeling Blue
Yeah, I'm not feeling any better.
I tried eating lunch, and I was successful with getting it all down, but I still feel like I'm going to be sick.
Greg has contacted the rental complex he's currently living and they have an opening in July, but we are waiting to see if he can just transfer his lease to another unit. I bet that question confused the leasing agent he spoke to!
It's interesting to see Greg being to optimistic about all that's recently happend. He's so energetic and 'gun-ho' about getting another place. I don't know where he's getting it from, but I hope it remains.
I wish Greg were coming over tonight. I don't want to be alone.
On the bright side (and yes, there is a bright side), Amelia tried her first spoon of rice cereal last night. Greg took pictures. It was interesting to say the least; and, very messy. Next time I have to remember to use a bib. Oh, and to get a baby spoon (add that to my mental list of things to get/do). I will try to post the pictures on my Flickr account tonight.
I tried eating lunch, and I was successful with getting it all down, but I still feel like I'm going to be sick.
Greg has contacted the rental complex he's currently living and they have an opening in July, but we are waiting to see if he can just transfer his lease to another unit. I bet that question confused the leasing agent he spoke to!
It's interesting to see Greg being to optimistic about all that's recently happend. He's so energetic and 'gun-ho' about getting another place. I don't know where he's getting it from, but I hope it remains.
I wish Greg were coming over tonight. I don't want to be alone.
On the bright side (and yes, there is a bright side), Amelia tried her first spoon of rice cereal last night. Greg took pictures. It was interesting to say the least; and, very messy. Next time I have to remember to use a bib. Oh, and to get a baby spoon (add that to my mental list of things to get/do). I will try to post the pictures on my Flickr account tonight.
Re: @*%#& !!!!
UGH!!!!!
I spoke with the rental complex and it's a flat out NO .
I argued and cried over the phone. I stated that I have no place to live as of next week. She didn't offer any usable suggestions. With all said and done, I can not live there.
But, I could apply for another place within the management company.
I spoke to Greg after I spoke with the rental complex. He feels bad. But, he's remaining optimistic and hopeful.
I know in the back of my mind, I am too. But, at this very second, I don't feel it. What I do feel, aside from the obvious anger, is nauseous. I feel like I am going to be sick at any given second or sudden movement. I am going to assume this is due to the stress that has recently returned. Although, I felt this feeling of nausea before and blamed it on stress (around this time last year too) and it turns out I was pregnant. But, of course, I am not going to think that... no no no.
Work is going to be long today. Time will slow down and may even revert to going backwards, just for me.
I spoke with the rental complex and it's a flat out NO .
I argued and cried over the phone. I stated that I have no place to live as of next week. She didn't offer any usable suggestions. With all said and done, I can not live there.
But, I could apply for another place within the management company.
I spoke to Greg after I spoke with the rental complex. He feels bad. But, he's remaining optimistic and hopeful.
I know in the back of my mind, I am too. But, at this very second, I don't feel it. What I do feel, aside from the obvious anger, is nauseous. I feel like I am going to be sick at any given second or sudden movement. I am going to assume this is due to the stress that has recently returned. Although, I felt this feeling of nausea before and blamed it on stress (around this time last year too) and it turns out I was pregnant. But, of course, I am not going to think that... no no no.
Work is going to be long today. Time will slow down and may even revert to going backwards, just for me.
@*%#& !!!!
So. Um. Yeah.
Last night, I learned that we are not moving at the place that I've been so excited about.
As pissed, angry, sad, frustrated, hurt, pissed, as I feel. I've got to move on.
So, the search continues.
I called my Mom this morning to let you know. She sounded just as hurt as I did when I found out. She said God closes one door and opens a new window for a reason. I argued that 'God' has closed nearly every door in my 28 years of life and hasn't opened nearly as many windows in return.
The thing is, I HAVE TO find a place to live and urgently! Sean and Aaron are still moving too, you know.
I am waiting for the rental complex to open so that I can call them and argue with them. In the meantime, I continue searching and finding potential places and send the links to Greg for his opinion.
I have cried more than I thought. This sucks.
Last night, I learned that we are not moving at the place that I've been so excited about.
As pissed, angry, sad, frustrated, hurt, pissed, as I feel. I've got to move on.
So, the search continues.
I called my Mom this morning to let you know. She sounded just as hurt as I did when I found out. She said God closes one door and opens a new window for a reason. I argued that 'God' has closed nearly every door in my 28 years of life and hasn't opened nearly as many windows in return.
The thing is, I HAVE TO find a place to live and urgently! Sean and Aaron are still moving too, you know.
I am waiting for the rental complex to open so that I can call them and argue with them. In the meantime, I continue searching and finding potential places and send the links to Greg for his opinion.
I have cried more than I thought. This sucks.
19 June 2007
"I Need More Lotion"
That was the phrase for the night from Greg.
Poor Greg, he got a pretty bad sunburn on his face and forearms from the game. So, last night, I gave him my bottle of Aloe lotion and I swear he was putting that stuff on every 15-20 minutes! It was so funny, he was hoarding the bottle even in bed! I made a comment to him last night that I was going to write about his recent addiction to the aloe lotion. We just laughed. This morning, Greg took the lotion with him to work. I can only imagine what he's doing with the lotion at this moment.
Is anyone else watching Hell's Kitchen? Last night was good! I can't believe they choose these people as contestants! Where the hell are they coming from? Hell's Kitchen is completely opposite of Top Chef. At least with Top Chef, these contestants know what they are doing and making, whereas with Hell's Kitchen, it's all scream and holler and making a mess. Either way, though, both are very entertaining!
Greg and I have been emailing each other for a good part of the last hour. He had a lot on his mind yesterday and this morning, after we talked about the baby shower plans for the weekend, I asked how he was doing and such; well anyway, here's the email conversation:
"From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 11:37 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
Just how amazing you are, how much I love having you in my life. How absolutly much you mean to me. Just how much I could never imagine my life without you.
How much I am utterly in love with you.
Jessica D wrote:
Aww, concentrate on me? What are you thinking about that pertains to me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 11:30 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
any of it. Doesn't help to think about it, so I'll just concentraite on jobby job and you. :)
Jessica D wrote:
Which part?
I just want to make sure you’re ok and such.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 11:20 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
eh not letting bother me.
Jessica D wrote:
That is good to hear.
How about your mental busy-ness (apartment stuff, *****, etc)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Greg S. [mailto:****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 10:59 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
busy but hanging in there. Headache is better"
I am still in awe over Greg. I still can't believe that my wish, dream, what have you, has come true. Greg is everything to me. He is my bestest friend and I can tell him anything without worry or fear of how he will react. Greg has told me during many occasions in the last year and a half that he considers me his best friend. He's told me that he's able to tell me anything, even now that we're in a relationship, that is on his mind regardless of the topic, and knows that my feelings for him will not change, I won't become jealous, and anything else that could effect our relationship. As a matter of fact, Greg and I are so close and open to each other, we talk about people we see in passing, say if we're at a park or restaurant, and ask what the other thinks of that person, sexually, and what not. I know Greg would never act upon these conversations, but I notice when something catches his eye and we talk or joke about it. I trust Greg. No second guessing of his loyalty to me. And, it's great that we are open with each other to talk about things as such. I really don't know where I would be, today, if I hadn't met Greg back in 2005.
Well, the baby shower for my cousin is actually on Sunday. Which is better for Greg and me. It means that we can get the money orders for the new townhouse and go there to finish the application for Greg. And, then we can go clean out the Pontiac. I spoke with the owner of the shop where the car has been, and he's going to have it towed to a junk yard for me; free of charge. So, that would complete one task that has been plaguing the back of my mind.
Ugh, it's so freaking hot outside! Have I mentioned how much I dislike summer? Well, I'll repeat it again: I really dislike summer! I do not like the humidity, the bugs, the thick air (which is the humidity, I know) and the hot hot heat! Blah!
Last night, Greg brought over one of his tubs. The plan is that he's going to bring over a tub or two each time he comes over so that we're able to move everything as efficiently as possible. The tub he brought over last night was his tub of memories, basically. He has awards from high school, his high school picture, items from when he worked at MicroPros, items from when he lived in New York, items from his first Disney Cruise, and many more items. We went through the entire tub. We kept some things, but threw a lot away as well. The items we threw away were things he couldn't remember why he saved, such as a Washington Post from 2001, pictures from an Airplane trip to New York and hotel stay, old note pads, and instruction manuals for his old stereo. It was interesting to go through the stuff with Greg. It made me think of my old chest that I used to keep, but threw away last year. Right now, I have a photo album that I've used to collect pictures of my friends and when I was in the newspaper and things related. It turns out that Greg and I both saved Far Side comics that we found interesting!
I've started to save a few things of Amelia's. So far, I've saved everything from the hospital, such as the hats she wore and every piece of paper I was given (the card in her bassinet, the results of her hearing tests, her foot prints, etc).
My Mom and I were talking earlier today (it's 2:53pm as I type) and she is clueless on what to get April for her baby shower this weekend. I suggested that she make a memory box for April and my Mom loved the idea! I told her that she doesn't have to make it now, but it would probably be better to give April the box when her baby is born. I can't wait for April's baby girl to be here. I can't wait to hold her and to see the size difference of Amelia and Aprils baby. As for a name for Aprils baby, the last I heard, it was going to be Olivia Ellen, or Ollie El as I'm probably going to call her. She also toyed with the name of Charlotte, but once she said the nickname would be Charlie, Clayton nixed the name. So, we are not to think of nicknames for the baby around Clayton. LOL
I started this post at 11:30am, and I am just finishing at 3:00pm.
Poor Greg, he got a pretty bad sunburn on his face and forearms from the game. So, last night, I gave him my bottle of Aloe lotion and I swear he was putting that stuff on every 15-20 minutes! It was so funny, he was hoarding the bottle even in bed! I made a comment to him last night that I was going to write about his recent addiction to the aloe lotion. We just laughed. This morning, Greg took the lotion with him to work. I can only imagine what he's doing with the lotion at this moment.
Is anyone else watching Hell's Kitchen? Last night was good! I can't believe they choose these people as contestants! Where the hell are they coming from? Hell's Kitchen is completely opposite of Top Chef. At least with Top Chef, these contestants know what they are doing and making, whereas with Hell's Kitchen, it's all scream and holler and making a mess. Either way, though, both are very entertaining!
Greg and I have been emailing each other for a good part of the last hour. He had a lot on his mind yesterday and this morning, after we talked about the baby shower plans for the weekend, I asked how he was doing and such; well anyway, here's the email conversation:
"From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 11:37 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
Just how amazing you are, how much I love having you in my life. How absolutly much you mean to me. Just how much I could never imagine my life without you.
How much I am utterly in love with you.
Jessica D wrote:
Aww, concentrate on me? What are you thinking about that pertains to me?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 11:30 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
any of it. Doesn't help to think about it, so I'll just concentraite on jobby job and you. :)
Jessica D wrote:
Which part?
I just want to make sure you’re ok and such.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 11:20 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
eh not letting bother me.
Jessica D wrote:
That is good to hear.
How about your mental busy-ness (apartment stuff, *****, etc)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From: Greg S. [mailto:****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Tuesday, June 19, 2007 10:59 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE: FW: Baby Shower
busy but hanging in there. Headache is better"
I am still in awe over Greg. I still can't believe that my wish, dream, what have you, has come true. Greg is everything to me. He is my bestest friend and I can tell him anything without worry or fear of how he will react. Greg has told me during many occasions in the last year and a half that he considers me his best friend. He's told me that he's able to tell me anything, even now that we're in a relationship, that is on his mind regardless of the topic, and knows that my feelings for him will not change, I won't become jealous, and anything else that could effect our relationship. As a matter of fact, Greg and I are so close and open to each other, we talk about people we see in passing, say if we're at a park or restaurant, and ask what the other thinks of that person, sexually, and what not. I know Greg would never act upon these conversations, but I notice when something catches his eye and we talk or joke about it. I trust Greg. No second guessing of his loyalty to me. And, it's great that we are open with each other to talk about things as such. I really don't know where I would be, today, if I hadn't met Greg back in 2005.
Well, the baby shower for my cousin is actually on Sunday. Which is better for Greg and me. It means that we can get the money orders for the new townhouse and go there to finish the application for Greg. And, then we can go clean out the Pontiac. I spoke with the owner of the shop where the car has been, and he's going to have it towed to a junk yard for me; free of charge. So, that would complete one task that has been plaguing the back of my mind.
Ugh, it's so freaking hot outside! Have I mentioned how much I dislike summer? Well, I'll repeat it again: I really dislike summer! I do not like the humidity, the bugs, the thick air (which is the humidity, I know) and the hot hot heat! Blah!
Last night, Greg brought over one of his tubs. The plan is that he's going to bring over a tub or two each time he comes over so that we're able to move everything as efficiently as possible. The tub he brought over last night was his tub of memories, basically. He has awards from high school, his high school picture, items from when he worked at MicroPros, items from when he lived in New York, items from his first Disney Cruise, and many more items. We went through the entire tub. We kept some things, but threw a lot away as well. The items we threw away were things he couldn't remember why he saved, such as a Washington Post from 2001, pictures from an Airplane trip to New York and hotel stay, old note pads, and instruction manuals for his old stereo. It was interesting to go through the stuff with Greg. It made me think of my old chest that I used to keep, but threw away last year. Right now, I have a photo album that I've used to collect pictures of my friends and when I was in the newspaper and things related. It turns out that Greg and I both saved Far Side comics that we found interesting!
I've started to save a few things of Amelia's. So far, I've saved everything from the hospital, such as the hats she wore and every piece of paper I was given (the card in her bassinet, the results of her hearing tests, her foot prints, etc).
My Mom and I were talking earlier today (it's 2:53pm as I type) and she is clueless on what to get April for her baby shower this weekend. I suggested that she make a memory box for April and my Mom loved the idea! I told her that she doesn't have to make it now, but it would probably be better to give April the box when her baby is born. I can't wait for April's baby girl to be here. I can't wait to hold her and to see the size difference of Amelia and Aprils baby. As for a name for Aprils baby, the last I heard, it was going to be Olivia Ellen, or Ollie El as I'm probably going to call her. She also toyed with the name of Charlotte, but once she said the nickname would be Charlie, Clayton nixed the name. So, we are not to think of nicknames for the baby around Clayton. LOL
I started this post at 11:30am, and I am just finishing at 3:00pm.
03 June 2007
Spring Cleaning!
All we, Sean, Aaron, and I, have done today is clean!
This morning, once Amelia was asleep, I ran out to Giant and picked up some cleaning supplies and products. I spent $75! Sheesh!
We've cleaned a lot of the little stuff, such as the doors, steps, walls, etc. As well as the floors, laundry, tub, etc. Just a lot to do! And, we're doing pretty good with time.
What has motivated this extensive cleaning is the landlords pending visit. We haven't talked to her since Friday. We don't even know if she is in fact coming over but we don't want to take the chance of her stopping by and the place looking like it did. I am planning on taking pictures once we're done.
Amelia has been ok, so far. I haven't been able to do much for my room because I was working on the kitchen and bathroom. So, I called Greg to see if he would watch Amelia for a few hours so I could get my stuff done and his responce was "It's my day off." He's gets a whole day to himself. I am with Amelia every single day. All I asked was for a few hours and all he could tell me what that it's his day off. What the fuck! I ended the conversation with something along the lines of something about playing his computer games and he mentioned something about the Mon Wed Fri when he's over as my days off, even though I still help him with Amelia, and I said fine and hung up on him. I was, and still am, pissed that he would rather spend all fucking day playing his precious computer games (and do his laundry, which was needed and he's been up since 9:30am and I asked him how he was on his task of things to do and he said he was fine and that is when I asked if I could drop Amelia off so I could get my tasks done) and he basically said no because he wants to play games. We only have a little more than 3 weeks to pack and clean. I want to get a head start and the only time is on the weekends. I am so angry and hurt right now. I don't plan on calling Greg at all today. I don't even know if I want to talk to him. Period.
This morning, once Amelia was asleep, I ran out to Giant and picked up some cleaning supplies and products. I spent $75! Sheesh!
We've cleaned a lot of the little stuff, such as the doors, steps, walls, etc. As well as the floors, laundry, tub, etc. Just a lot to do! And, we're doing pretty good with time.
What has motivated this extensive cleaning is the landlords pending visit. We haven't talked to her since Friday. We don't even know if she is in fact coming over but we don't want to take the chance of her stopping by and the place looking like it did. I am planning on taking pictures once we're done.
Amelia has been ok, so far. I haven't been able to do much for my room because I was working on the kitchen and bathroom. So, I called Greg to see if he would watch Amelia for a few hours so I could get my stuff done and his responce was "It's my day off." He's gets a whole day to himself. I am with Amelia every single day. All I asked was for a few hours and all he could tell me what that it's his day off. What the fuck! I ended the conversation with something along the lines of something about playing his computer games and he mentioned something about the Mon Wed Fri when he's over as my days off, even though I still help him with Amelia, and I said fine and hung up on him. I was, and still am, pissed that he would rather spend all fucking day playing his precious computer games (and do his laundry, which was needed and he's been up since 9:30am and I asked him how he was on his task of things to do and he said he was fine and that is when I asked if I could drop Amelia off so I could get my tasks done) and he basically said no because he wants to play games. We only have a little more than 3 weeks to pack and clean. I want to get a head start and the only time is on the weekends. I am so angry and hurt right now. I don't plan on calling Greg at all today. I don't even know if I want to talk to him. Period.
24 May 2007
Thursdays Trials & Tribulations
This week has probably got to be the worst week I've experienced in some time.
I am feeling a little better today, though not by much. At least I don't have a headache anymore.
I just sent the following email to Greg:
Do you know how much you mean to me? How special you make me feel? How much I value your thoughts and feelings about us? How much I truly and deeply love you and how scared that makes me feel, only because I have never felt like this for someone in my entire life?
I just want to tell you that you are the most amazing person to ever enter my life and I value everyday I have with you, regardless of how challenging I may make it (like last night).
You are my future. And I couldn't’t be happier.
I love you.
Jess
and this is his reply:
Awwwwwww. That makes me feel so good and special thank you so much baby. Everything this morning felt so great, even just the snooze button pushing and cuddling. :)
Nothing has ever felt as right as it does with you....we just feel so perfect for each other and I love it. I love you so much Jess Jess, and I can't wait to live with you everyday and we can start our own lives as a family. :)
I didn't mind last night as long as we talk it out and come to understandings, challenges are what make so varied and fun. :)
Love you soo much,
Greg
::HUGS:: ::SMOOCHES::
I know I challenge Greg with all these weird crazy mood swings I go through but he doesn't seem to mind. He wants me to tell him whats bothering me, he wants to help me feel better. Last night, Greg and I stayed at work until 9pm. A majority of that time we were talking about people from our past and the 'friendships' that continued. I told Greg about the conversation with Dave and Greg read my blog entry as well. I told Greg what really pissed me off about Dave was that he couldn't tell me the truth. Like I said, if you're going to exclude me from your life after a 10 year history, at least be honest and tell me why. I would tell him, or anyone for that matter, why I decided to no longer be friends. But, I am over Dave's bullshit. I've already moved on.
The discussion Greg and I had last night has helped me feel better about things in general. It was frustrating to try to explain what I was feeling even when I didn't know what I was feeling. But, the conversation ended up revolving how we see people as a friend vs. acquaintance.
Once Greg and I left his job, we ran to Giant to get ice (Greg and I have a weird need for bagged ice) and drinks. Then, we headed over to Denny's for a late dinner. It was after 10:30 by the time we got home. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. Greg and I didn't talk about any of our previous conversation of the night and just watched tv. Then, around 11:30 I decided that I wanted to make love to Greg and we had an amazing evening. And, then he was asleep! I hate it when he falls asleep before me because I want to fall asleep as he's running his fingers through my hair or petting me. But, he tried to stay awake though he wasn't successful.
This morning, Greg and I kept hitting the snooze button on our cell phones. Neither of us wanted to wake up, much less get out of bed and go to work. Sleep felt so good. I slept so deeply too. I usually do after a good night of crying or when I am extreamly stressed, and last night was both. Also, last night I has a really weird dream: I dreampt that I was at some bar/resturant and I stepped away from Amelia who was on this round sofa/couch thing. She was the same age as she is now, four months old, and as I was at the counter getting the sodas and pizza, some worker yelled at me for putting the money on the counter and the menu and I was like, geez! Then, I turned around and saw Amelia making her way off the round sofa. She wasn't rolling off, she was climbing off, and as soon as she reached the ground she just layed there because she can't crawl or sit up on her own yet. And I remember thinking in my dream how weird it was for her to be able to do that. Then, out of no where, a person that I went to high school with, Steven, sat down on the sofa with me and we started a conversation. The dream was just so weird.
I leave in about a half hour to meet my Mom in Chuck Co. On my way to work, I realized that I forgot to pack any type of clothing. No pajamas, no underpants, nothing at all! How absent minded can I be? At least Greg and I remembered to put the stroller back in my car from his.
There was something else I wanted to write but I can't remember it at the moment.
Oh well.
Until then...
Jess
I am feeling a little better today, though not by much. At least I don't have a headache anymore.
I just sent the following email to Greg:
Do you know how much you mean to me? How special you make me feel? How much I value your thoughts and feelings about us? How much I truly and deeply love you and how scared that makes me feel, only because I have never felt like this for someone in my entire life?
I just want to tell you that you are the most amazing person to ever enter my life and I value everyday I have with you, regardless of how challenging I may make it (like last night).
You are my future. And I couldn't’t be happier.
I love you.
Jess
and this is his reply:
Awwwwwww. That makes me feel so good and special thank you so much baby. Everything this morning felt so great, even just the snooze button pushing and cuddling. :)
Nothing has ever felt as right as it does with you....we just feel so perfect for each other and I love it. I love you so much Jess Jess, and I can't wait to live with you everyday and we can start our own lives as a family. :)
I didn't mind last night as long as we talk it out and come to understandings, challenges are what make so varied and fun. :)
Love you soo much,
Greg
::HUGS:: ::SMOOCHES::
I know I challenge Greg with all these weird crazy mood swings I go through but he doesn't seem to mind. He wants me to tell him whats bothering me, he wants to help me feel better. Last night, Greg and I stayed at work until 9pm. A majority of that time we were talking about people from our past and the 'friendships' that continued. I told Greg about the conversation with Dave and Greg read my blog entry as well. I told Greg what really pissed me off about Dave was that he couldn't tell me the truth. Like I said, if you're going to exclude me from your life after a 10 year history, at least be honest and tell me why. I would tell him, or anyone for that matter, why I decided to no longer be friends. But, I am over Dave's bullshit. I've already moved on.
The discussion Greg and I had last night has helped me feel better about things in general. It was frustrating to try to explain what I was feeling even when I didn't know what I was feeling. But, the conversation ended up revolving how we see people as a friend vs. acquaintance.
Once Greg and I left his job, we ran to Giant to get ice (Greg and I have a weird need for bagged ice) and drinks. Then, we headed over to Denny's for a late dinner. It was after 10:30 by the time we got home. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. Greg and I didn't talk about any of our previous conversation of the night and just watched tv. Then, around 11:30 I decided that I wanted to make love to Greg and we had an amazing evening. And, then he was asleep! I hate it when he falls asleep before me because I want to fall asleep as he's running his fingers through my hair or petting me. But, he tried to stay awake though he wasn't successful.
This morning, Greg and I kept hitting the snooze button on our cell phones. Neither of us wanted to wake up, much less get out of bed and go to work. Sleep felt so good. I slept so deeply too. I usually do after a good night of crying or when I am extreamly stressed, and last night was both. Also, last night I has a really weird dream: I dreampt that I was at some bar/resturant and I stepped away from Amelia who was on this round sofa/couch thing. She was the same age as she is now, four months old, and as I was at the counter getting the sodas and pizza, some worker yelled at me for putting the money on the counter and the menu and I was like, geez! Then, I turned around and saw Amelia making her way off the round sofa. She wasn't rolling off, she was climbing off, and as soon as she reached the ground she just layed there because she can't crawl or sit up on her own yet. And I remember thinking in my dream how weird it was for her to be able to do that. Then, out of no where, a person that I went to high school with, Steven, sat down on the sofa with me and we started a conversation. The dream was just so weird.
I leave in about a half hour to meet my Mom in Chuck Co. On my way to work, I realized that I forgot to pack any type of clothing. No pajamas, no underpants, nothing at all! How absent minded can I be? At least Greg and I remembered to put the stroller back in my car from his.
There was something else I wanted to write but I can't remember it at the moment.
Oh well.
Until then...
Jess
23 May 2007
I HATE DAVID RIGGS
I am so pissed right now. I haven't felt this angry in a long, long time.
Here's the story:
A little history...
Dave and I have been friends since 1996/1997. We met online and in April 1997 he flew from TN for us to meet. He was a freshman in College and I was a senior in HS. We did the online/long distance dating thing for nearly a year after we met. Dave was my first for everything. I ended it with Dave in July 1997 because of Jay even though Jay and I never move on with our friendship/relationship also because of my choice... but we remained friends for a couple more years until we lost touch around 2000/2001
2003/2004...
Dave and I start talking to each other again and it's like there wasn't anytime between us. We started talking on a regular basis and for long periods of a time. During some of our marathon conversations, I would receive phone calls from other friends and would do a 3 way conversation and one of those said friends was Melissa. Well, after a few weeks Dave and Melissa started talking and they developed a relationship that lasted a few months. Dave and I talked nearly every night for 2 years...
August 2006...
Dave moved to OK with his friend Trish and her family. I didn't have Trish's phone number so I would send Y! messages or emails to him without any responce. Melissa would keep me updated because she still talked to Trish. Melissa gave me Trish's phone number and I called and left a message and never got a reply...
Today...
This morning I sent Dave a text message asking him if we're still friends or should I say good bye. A few hours later he replies with good bye. And my reply was "Seriously, after 10 yrs" and he said "Yeah babe... good luck with life" So this starts a conversation where he tells me that he's decided to cut all ties with everyone and from his words it sounded like Trish, his friend that he's living with, asked him to do this because there is so much 'drama' going on. I asked what he was referring to because he and I haven't talked in nearly a year, even though I've attempted numerous times to keep in touch with him, and then stated that it sounded like Trish was being controlling. In the end, Dave tells me "LOL, whatever!... Please just leave me alone babe..." and I stop texting him. THEN, a few minutes later Trish starts sending me text message telling me where do I get off saying she's controlling Dave. I in responce told her that that was my interpertation of what Dave said and that obviously it was a misunderstanding and she relied with "K".
Then Dave accuses me of lieing! He tells me that I never called and left a message for trish or him whereas I went through my old cell phone statement and provided him the exact time and day that I called both numbers. In the end he still chose to drop me as a friend. I said fine, his loss and asked why he was being an ass to me and his reply was because I won't leave him alone and my FINAL reply to him was "Fuck you, Dave. YOU are the one who ruined what was a great friendship. You've changed since last summer and not for the good." and Dave replied "Well, I have changed! I can recognize a game when I see one! Please please please just leave me alone." I reply with "What game? If you're going to ignore me please provide an honest answer as to why." and he replies with "Okay, I'm gonna ignore you!" and I reply with "That just proves you don't have an honest answer. Fine. I'm done trying." and he replies "Is that honest enough?" and "What do you want? That's an honest answer" and I reply "You're telling me that I am nothing but a game. What game are you talking about? And all you say is that you're goign to ignore me, and I don't see an honest reason why. I have barley talked to you and I am confused about what u mean by game." Then, after about 5 minutes Dave sends a reply that states "Goodbye".
I am done. David E. Riggs is a piece of shit and isn't worthy of my friendship anymore. What an asshole. Dave, if you ever find this blog, I want you to know what a fucking asshole you are. You're spineless and can't stand up for yourself. No wonder you can't keep a girlfriend or a job. You deserve everything that you get in your life from now one. Fucker!
Here's the story:
A little history...
Dave and I have been friends since 1996/1997. We met online and in April 1997 he flew from TN for us to meet. He was a freshman in College and I was a senior in HS. We did the online/long distance dating thing for nearly a year after we met. Dave was my first for everything. I ended it with Dave in July 1997 because of Jay even though Jay and I never move on with our friendship/relationship also because of my choice... but we remained friends for a couple more years until we lost touch around 2000/2001
2003/2004...
Dave and I start talking to each other again and it's like there wasn't anytime between us. We started talking on a regular basis and for long periods of a time. During some of our marathon conversations, I would receive phone calls from other friends and would do a 3 way conversation and one of those said friends was Melissa. Well, after a few weeks Dave and Melissa started talking and they developed a relationship that lasted a few months. Dave and I talked nearly every night for 2 years...
August 2006...
Dave moved to OK with his friend Trish and her family. I didn't have Trish's phone number so I would send Y! messages or emails to him without any responce. Melissa would keep me updated because she still talked to Trish. Melissa gave me Trish's phone number and I called and left a message and never got a reply...
Today...
This morning I sent Dave a text message asking him if we're still friends or should I say good bye. A few hours later he replies with good bye. And my reply was "Seriously, after 10 yrs" and he said "Yeah babe... good luck with life" So this starts a conversation where he tells me that he's decided to cut all ties with everyone and from his words it sounded like Trish, his friend that he's living with, asked him to do this because there is so much 'drama' going on. I asked what he was referring to because he and I haven't talked in nearly a year, even though I've attempted numerous times to keep in touch with him, and then stated that it sounded like Trish was being controlling. In the end, Dave tells me "LOL, whatever!... Please just leave me alone babe..." and I stop texting him. THEN, a few minutes later Trish starts sending me text message telling me where do I get off saying she's controlling Dave. I in responce told her that that was my interpertation of what Dave said and that obviously it was a misunderstanding and she relied with "K".
Then Dave accuses me of lieing! He tells me that I never called and left a message for trish or him whereas I went through my old cell phone statement and provided him the exact time and day that I called both numbers. In the end he still chose to drop me as a friend. I said fine, his loss and asked why he was being an ass to me and his reply was because I won't leave him alone and my FINAL reply to him was "Fuck you, Dave. YOU are the one who ruined what was a great friendship. You've changed since last summer and not for the good." and Dave replied "Well, I have changed! I can recognize a game when I see one! Please please please just leave me alone." I reply with "What game? If you're going to ignore me please provide an honest answer as to why." and he replies with "Okay, I'm gonna ignore you!" and I reply with "That just proves you don't have an honest answer. Fine. I'm done trying." and he replies "Is that honest enough?" and "What do you want? That's an honest answer" and I reply "You're telling me that I am nothing but a game. What game are you talking about? And all you say is that you're goign to ignore me, and I don't see an honest reason why. I have barley talked to you and I am confused about what u mean by game." Then, after about 5 minutes Dave sends a reply that states "Goodbye".
I am done. David E. Riggs is a piece of shit and isn't worthy of my friendship anymore. What an asshole. Dave, if you ever find this blog, I want you to know what a fucking asshole you are. You're spineless and can't stand up for yourself. No wonder you can't keep a girlfriend or a job. You deserve everything that you get in your life from now one. Fucker!
22 May 2007
Whacked
My brain is causing things to be whacked for me.
I am feeling so alone right now for no real reason and I hate this.
So many random thoughts went through my mind on my way home. One thought was if I named Amelia the right name. My mom was so adamant about the name Natalie. I just don't like the name. Then, one day while I was at work, I received a phone call from a customer in Massachusetts and her name was Amelia and that is when I decided on a name. I was toying with the name of Evelyn as well. I have a thing for the old timey names. Amelia's middle name was something Greg and I agreed on because it sounded right; Amelia Margaret Frye. I still can't believe that I named a person. Does the name suit her? Will she like it when she's older? There is so much unknown...
After work I went over to Greg's work. I ended up hanging out for nearly two hours. We talked about a certain someone and stuff. I have something bothering me and I don't know why. In a sort, it feels like there is some competition; although I am not competing for or with anything. So frustrating! I tried to explain this to Greg and he's passive about it. He doesn't understand, yet frankly I don't understand why I am feeling this myself and it's bothering me on the inside.
Greg thinks I am feeling the way I am because there is so much 'unknown' going on with us. We don't know where we're going to be living come July, I don't know how much I am making any more since there was an 'error' on my proposal letter from HR and they haven't sent me a new letter, I don't know how much my first check is going to be, I don't know when Adam is going to mail the divorce papers, ect.
There is too much stuff going on and this recent death in the family just made things worse. And, I want Greg to be with me but we don't think he'll be able to do so because this is Labor Day weekend and five people have already taken this Friday off. I just want him to hold my hand during the funeral. But, at the same time I feel like I am being selfish by wanting him with me when He could be working and earning more money for us. He says I am not being selfish for wanting him to be there for me, even though he's never met this person. I don't know.
Work is being really nice about all this time off. My supervisor said I could borrow time so I can have a full 80 hour paycheck. I am still in my probation period and am not allowed to use my vacation, personal, or floating holidays yet. Sp. tjat os nice of them.
I am feeling so alone right now for no real reason and I hate this.
So many random thoughts went through my mind on my way home. One thought was if I named Amelia the right name. My mom was so adamant about the name Natalie. I just don't like the name. Then, one day while I was at work, I received a phone call from a customer in Massachusetts and her name was Amelia and that is when I decided on a name. I was toying with the name of Evelyn as well. I have a thing for the old timey names. Amelia's middle name was something Greg and I agreed on because it sounded right; Amelia Margaret Frye. I still can't believe that I named a person. Does the name suit her? Will she like it when she's older? There is so much unknown...
After work I went over to Greg's work. I ended up hanging out for nearly two hours. We talked about a certain someone and stuff. I have something bothering me and I don't know why. In a sort, it feels like there is some competition; although I am not competing for or with anything. So frustrating! I tried to explain this to Greg and he's passive about it. He doesn't understand, yet frankly I don't understand why I am feeling this myself and it's bothering me on the inside.
Greg thinks I am feeling the way I am because there is so much 'unknown' going on with us. We don't know where we're going to be living come July, I don't know how much I am making any more since there was an 'error' on my proposal letter from HR and they haven't sent me a new letter, I don't know how much my first check is going to be, I don't know when Adam is going to mail the divorce papers, ect.
There is too much stuff going on and this recent death in the family just made things worse. And, I want Greg to be with me but we don't think he'll be able to do so because this is Labor Day weekend and five people have already taken this Friday off. I just want him to hold my hand during the funeral. But, at the same time I feel like I am being selfish by wanting him with me when He could be working and earning more money for us. He says I am not being selfish for wanting him to be there for me, even though he's never met this person. I don't know.
Work is being really nice about all this time off. My supervisor said I could borrow time so I can have a full 80 hour paycheck. I am still in my probation period and am not allowed to use my vacation, personal, or floating holidays yet. Sp. tjat os nice of them.
Tuesday Tidbits
I wasn't in such a good mood by the end of the day yesterday. And Greg didn't help with matters.
Traffic was a bitch on 100 for no apparent reason; I was nearly rear ended three times by the jackass behind me; and Greg was hella late.
When I did finally get home, I turned the oven on to start dinner for Greg and me. Nothing special, frozen pizza. Then, I begin to clean the kitchen, load the dishwasher and turn it on. Once that was done, I sit down with Aaron, Craven, and Sean and we chat it up for a little bit. By now it's 7:30 and Greg isn't home and he hasn't called. I debate if I should call him or not but I ended up calling him. I asked if he coming over and he said yeah and then I told him about a realization that came across me and how it made me sad. This realization is that Greg will never arrive when he says he will regardless if he's coming from work or home. I can understand if he has to stay late and he should call if he is, but for all other times; he won't be punctual. I, on the other hand, am a very punctual person. I hate being late. So, yes, this is a pet peeve I have about Greg and he knows about it and how it makes me feel. But, more importantly was realizing the feeling I had when I came to the realization about Greg and his lack of punctuality and that was a very sad feeling because, even though I know he doesn't mean it, when he is late I feel as if he doesn't care about my feelings and what we have planned for our time together.
On the bright side, Greg keeps raving about our future together especially with the move. He says he can't wait until we can be a family. That makes me feel good because this is real. After all that he and I went through in November and December and how things have completely changed for us; I am a Mother and Greg is a Father and we are together no matter what.
I was thinking on the way to work this morning about how some people set goals and what they want at a certain age. For me, it used to be that I wanted to have my first baby by the time I was 25. I didn't care if I was married or not. But, then I met Adam when I was 19 and then we married when I was 24. I could have had a baby by 25 and be married! It was the 'traditional' way to start a life so to speak. Well, I blew that and now I am in the process of a divorce and had a baby with another man while still legally married. How Jerry Springer is that? But, here I am , 28 years old. I had a baby 3 weeks before my 28th birthday, so I was only a few years behind my 'goal'. I was also thinking about how could anyone be a stay at home mom. All the props to ya if you can achieve that because there is no way I could. I need to work or I would go nuts. A lot of people say that if they won the lottery they would quit their jobs; I wouldn't. What I would do if I won the lottery is take time off of work, travel to all the places I've ever dreamed of, take care of my closest friends and family, finish my degree and get a job that is on track with my career choice (Nursing) and move on from there. There is no way I can not live without being around other people. Yes, there are the Mommy and Me clubs and what not, but I don't associate well with other females. Girls are too negative; competitive; back stabbing; and many other adjectives. Granted, not ALL females are like that. I do have some very close friends that are girls that I couldn't live without (Kara and Michele) but, in general, my experience with other females hasn't been the most positive. I get along better with the guys. They, on the other hand, don't care if I don't brush my hair, shaved my legs (though I can't go longer than 3 days without shaving otherwise I go crazy on the inside), wear the same shirt 2 days in a row, etc. I guess this is also because I am not a 'girlie girl'. I only have 2 pairs of shoes; work and tennis shoes, I own very little makeup and still don't wear it. I have very little jewelry and what I do have I don't wear, I don't do anything with my hair other than wear headbands or barrettes, I DO like to wear skirts or dresses because I feel my legs are my greatest physical feature (used to be boobs, but with all the weight loss I no longer have the boobs I used to) and want to show them off especially for a person of my size (my legs have great tone). I will admit that at times I think about being a little more girlie but that thought doesn't last very long although it may change now that I have a baby girl. My Mom comments on how I DON'T buy dresses and girlie things for Amelia and I tell her two things; 1. No urge, and 2. No money, which I guess is a blessing in disguise.
Ugh, this week isn't going so well. I feel this will be another emotionally moody week for me; although, usually when I get like this the one thing that I am hoping usually happens and for now it's knowing where Greg and I are going to live come July. I am still feeling anger towards Greg's ex-girlfriend about the difficulty Greg and I are having but I have to keep telling myself that it's been a little over 2 years now and it's said and done and we can't change anything about it. But, I still have the right to be angry in my mind.
Denise, Greg's step-mom, mailed me a gratuation invitation last week. That was nice of her. She also included a picture of Renee, her oldest daughter. She looks so mature! This morning, Denise also emailed me pictures from Renee's prom and in the pictures was a picture of Denise. Before, I've never seen a picture of her and we've only talked on the phone once and this isn't a bad thing or whatnot, but she isn't what I pictured! I was picturing the all american suburban house wife, kinda like Donna Reed, especially since she sounded like her, slightly, and how she scrapbooked and made the Easter Basket. In any event, when I told Greg he said that I should tell Denise that she sounds like a blonde, which she isn't.
Well, it's been nearly 3 hours since I started this post and I have to start a new one based on another email I received this morning...
Traffic was a bitch on 100 for no apparent reason; I was nearly rear ended three times by the jackass behind me; and Greg was hella late.
When I did finally get home, I turned the oven on to start dinner for Greg and me. Nothing special, frozen pizza. Then, I begin to clean the kitchen, load the dishwasher and turn it on. Once that was done, I sit down with Aaron, Craven, and Sean and we chat it up for a little bit. By now it's 7:30 and Greg isn't home and he hasn't called. I debate if I should call him or not but I ended up calling him. I asked if he coming over and he said yeah and then I told him about a realization that came across me and how it made me sad. This realization is that Greg will never arrive when he says he will regardless if he's coming from work or home. I can understand if he has to stay late and he should call if he is, but for all other times; he won't be punctual. I, on the other hand, am a very punctual person. I hate being late. So, yes, this is a pet peeve I have about Greg and he knows about it and how it makes me feel. But, more importantly was realizing the feeling I had when I came to the realization about Greg and his lack of punctuality and that was a very sad feeling because, even though I know he doesn't mean it, when he is late I feel as if he doesn't care about my feelings and what we have planned for our time together.
On the bright side, Greg keeps raving about our future together especially with the move. He says he can't wait until we can be a family. That makes me feel good because this is real. After all that he and I went through in November and December and how things have completely changed for us; I am a Mother and Greg is a Father and we are together no matter what.
I was thinking on the way to work this morning about how some people set goals and what they want at a certain age. For me, it used to be that I wanted to have my first baby by the time I was 25. I didn't care if I was married or not. But, then I met Adam when I was 19 and then we married when I was 24. I could have had a baby by 25 and be married! It was the 'traditional' way to start a life so to speak. Well, I blew that and now I am in the process of a divorce and had a baby with another man while still legally married. How Jerry Springer is that? But, here I am , 28 years old. I had a baby 3 weeks before my 28th birthday, so I was only a few years behind my 'goal'. I was also thinking about how could anyone be a stay at home mom. All the props to ya if you can achieve that because there is no way I could. I need to work or I would go nuts. A lot of people say that if they won the lottery they would quit their jobs; I wouldn't. What I would do if I won the lottery is take time off of work, travel to all the places I've ever dreamed of, take care of my closest friends and family, finish my degree and get a job that is on track with my career choice (Nursing) and move on from there. There is no way I can not live without being around other people. Yes, there are the Mommy and Me clubs and what not, but I don't associate well with other females. Girls are too negative; competitive; back stabbing; and many other adjectives. Granted, not ALL females are like that. I do have some very close friends that are girls that I couldn't live without (Kara and Michele) but, in general, my experience with other females hasn't been the most positive. I get along better with the guys. They, on the other hand, don't care if I don't brush my hair, shaved my legs (though I can't go longer than 3 days without shaving otherwise I go crazy on the inside), wear the same shirt 2 days in a row, etc. I guess this is also because I am not a 'girlie girl'. I only have 2 pairs of shoes; work and tennis shoes, I own very little makeup and still don't wear it. I have very little jewelry and what I do have I don't wear, I don't do anything with my hair other than wear headbands or barrettes, I DO like to wear skirts or dresses because I feel my legs are my greatest physical feature (used to be boobs, but with all the weight loss I no longer have the boobs I used to) and want to show them off especially for a person of my size (my legs have great tone). I will admit that at times I think about being a little more girlie but that thought doesn't last very long although it may change now that I have a baby girl. My Mom comments on how I DON'T buy dresses and girlie things for Amelia and I tell her two things; 1. No urge, and 2. No money, which I guess is a blessing in disguise.
Ugh, this week isn't going so well. I feel this will be another emotionally moody week for me; although, usually when I get like this the one thing that I am hoping usually happens and for now it's knowing where Greg and I are going to live come July. I am still feeling anger towards Greg's ex-girlfriend about the difficulty Greg and I are having but I have to keep telling myself that it's been a little over 2 years now and it's said and done and we can't change anything about it. But, I still have the right to be angry in my mind.
Denise, Greg's step-mom, mailed me a gratuation invitation last week. That was nice of her. She also included a picture of Renee, her oldest daughter. She looks so mature! This morning, Denise also emailed me pictures from Renee's prom and in the pictures was a picture of Denise. Before, I've never seen a picture of her and we've only talked on the phone once and this isn't a bad thing or whatnot, but she isn't what I pictured! I was picturing the all american suburban house wife, kinda like Donna Reed, especially since she sounded like her, slightly, and how she scrapbooked and made the Easter Basket. In any event, when I told Greg he said that I should tell Denise that she sounds like a blonde, which she isn't.
Well, it's been nearly 3 hours since I started this post and I have to start a new one based on another email I received this morning...
30 April 2007
Weekend Fun
I had another great weekend!
On Saturday, Greg and I got up early and dropped off my car to the place in Millersville. Then, we headed down to Waldorf to meet up with my Mom to drop Amelia off. On the way down, the repair shop calls and tells me that, I defiantly need new rotors and pads and that my rear cylinder is leaking and shoes need to be replaced and to do the entire repair it would cost $551. I called my Mom to tell her and to see if she wants me to do the whole repair and she said to talk to Van since it was his credit card but I wasn't able to get a hold of him so I only got the front breaks worked on (but, on Sunday when Greg and I were at Mom's, Van said to go ahead and get the cylinder and rear shoes replaced). Greg and I arrived in Waldorf at 11am and we decide to have lunch together and invited my cousin April, who is 6 months pregnant. April and I were the first two grandchildren born and now she and I have provided the first two great-grandchildren on both sides. So, it was nice seeing April and hanging out and such (she and I are the only 2 girls in the grandchildren bunch; the rest are boys). We ate at the Hong Kong Buffet which Greg declares as the best buffet he's ever been to. While there, we got a lot of attention due to Amelia. The hostess was hanging out at our table and when she asked to hold Amelia, we allowed and then she walked off to show Amelia off with the other staff members! We, Greg and I, didn't do anything or say anything, but we kept an eye on the hostess to see what she was going to do. Later, I asked Greg how he felt when the hostess walked off with Amelia and he said that he was concerned, a little. It was funny, he noticed April and I exchanging looks when the hostess walked off. Around 1:15, Greg and I head back to Pasadena to pick up my car (which was ready) and then off to the hotel. Mom, April, and Amelia head off to Wal-mart for some shopping. Greg and I arrive at the repair shop around 2:20 and they are already closed (which I knew they would be but told them to leave my key in the glove box) and we get my car, head back to the townhouse because we forgot a few things and then we head off to the hotel! I, of course, forgot my confirmation information and which hotel we were staying in. I thought the hotel started with a C, like the Courtyard by Marriott but I was way off. The hotel that we stayed at was Homewood Suites by Hilton! So, we check in and head up to our room. Staying in hotels is so much fun! When we arrived at our room we were amazed at how big it was and how it was like a mini apartment! It had a kitchen with a dishwasher and ice maker, a stove, couch, dining area, chair with an ottoman in the first room, the bedroom had a king size bed, mirrored closet and a ceiling fan (which was a huge surprise bonus for Greg; he loves ceiling fans) and then the bathroom which wasn't anything special. So, Greg and I are amazed with the room and more so with the ceiling fan. We unpack and marvel at the huge comfortable bed and pillows and do a few other things (not going into details, I'm sure you can figure it out) and around 5-ish, we decide to head down to the pool. The pool wasn't what I was expecting. It wasn't as big nor as deep. The depth only went to 5 feet! But, there was a Jacuzzi. We weren't alone either which also sucked. But, in any event, we hung out at the pool for about an hour or so, head back up to the room, take a shower to get the chlorine off, and do some other things (again, I am sure you can figure this out). Around, 9 we head out to get something to eat. We decided to stop off at a grocery store to make a simple dinner (salad and sandwiches), but the Safeway didn't have much of a selection by the time we got there so we only bought soda and snacks and headed off to Wendy's. We get back to the hotel room, eat, watch a little tv and then we head off to sleep by 11pm.
On Sunday, Greg and I are up early again. Around 8:30-ish we head downstairs to the breakfast area expecting the usual items of a Continental Breakfast (bagels, muffins, danish, etc) but I was surprised at the other items available; eggs, bacon, pancakes, waffles, yogurt, cereal, juices, and fruit. But, the quality of the food wasn't all that good but I didn't care because it was a buffet and free (though, technically, I'm sure the breakfast was included in the price of the room). Greg and I were back in our room around 9:30 and start to pack our things. I believe we left around 10-ish. Afterwards, we headed over to the airport to watch the airplanes. Have I mentioned how much Greg loves airplanes? If not, he's a huge aviation buff. So, we sit in the observation area at BWI watching the planes come in and take off for about an hour and a half. Then, just before Noon we head off to Nanjamoy to pick Amelia up. We arrived around 1:30 and left a little after 2. This was Greg's first visit to my parents house. He got to meet Lucy, the horse, and Max, Scooter, and Scout the crazy dogs which all adored Greg. We didn't get home until about 4:15pm. I fell asleep on the drive home. I was mentally exhausted. It is a long drive to Waldorf and back and then to Nanjamoy and back.
All in all, it was a very refreshing weekend.
On Saturday, Greg and I got up early and dropped off my car to the place in Millersville. Then, we headed down to Waldorf to meet up with my Mom to drop Amelia off. On the way down, the repair shop calls and tells me that, I defiantly need new rotors and pads and that my rear cylinder is leaking and shoes need to be replaced and to do the entire repair it would cost $551. I called my Mom to tell her and to see if she wants me to do the whole repair and she said to talk to Van since it was his credit card but I wasn't able to get a hold of him so I only got the front breaks worked on (but, on Sunday when Greg and I were at Mom's, Van said to go ahead and get the cylinder and rear shoes replaced). Greg and I arrived in Waldorf at 11am and we decide to have lunch together and invited my cousin April, who is 6 months pregnant. April and I were the first two grandchildren born and now she and I have provided the first two great-grandchildren on both sides. So, it was nice seeing April and hanging out and such (she and I are the only 2 girls in the grandchildren bunch; the rest are boys). We ate at the Hong Kong Buffet which Greg declares as the best buffet he's ever been to. While there, we got a lot of attention due to Amelia. The hostess was hanging out at our table and when she asked to hold Amelia, we allowed and then she walked off to show Amelia off with the other staff members! We, Greg and I, didn't do anything or say anything, but we kept an eye on the hostess to see what she was going to do. Later, I asked Greg how he felt when the hostess walked off with Amelia and he said that he was concerned, a little. It was funny, he noticed April and I exchanging looks when the hostess walked off. Around 1:15, Greg and I head back to Pasadena to pick up my car (which was ready) and then off to the hotel. Mom, April, and Amelia head off to Wal-mart for some shopping. Greg and I arrive at the repair shop around 2:20 and they are already closed (which I knew they would be but told them to leave my key in the glove box) and we get my car, head back to the townhouse because we forgot a few things and then we head off to the hotel! I, of course, forgot my confirmation information and which hotel we were staying in. I thought the hotel started with a C, like the Courtyard by Marriott but I was way off. The hotel that we stayed at was Homewood Suites by Hilton! So, we check in and head up to our room. Staying in hotels is so much fun! When we arrived at our room we were amazed at how big it was and how it was like a mini apartment! It had a kitchen with a dishwasher and ice maker, a stove, couch, dining area, chair with an ottoman in the first room, the bedroom had a king size bed, mirrored closet and a ceiling fan (which was a huge surprise bonus for Greg; he loves ceiling fans) and then the bathroom which wasn't anything special. So, Greg and I are amazed with the room and more so with the ceiling fan. We unpack and marvel at the huge comfortable bed and pillows and do a few other things (not going into details, I'm sure you can figure it out) and around 5-ish, we decide to head down to the pool. The pool wasn't what I was expecting. It wasn't as big nor as deep. The depth only went to 5 feet! But, there was a Jacuzzi. We weren't alone either which also sucked. But, in any event, we hung out at the pool for about an hour or so, head back up to the room, take a shower to get the chlorine off, and do some other things (again, I am sure you can figure this out). Around, 9 we head out to get something to eat. We decided to stop off at a grocery store to make a simple dinner (salad and sandwiches), but the Safeway didn't have much of a selection by the time we got there so we only bought soda and snacks and headed off to Wendy's. We get back to the hotel room, eat, watch a little tv and then we head off to sleep by 11pm.
On Sunday, Greg and I are up early again. Around 8:30-ish we head downstairs to the breakfast area expecting the usual items of a Continental Breakfast (bagels, muffins, danish, etc) but I was surprised at the other items available; eggs, bacon, pancakes, waffles, yogurt, cereal, juices, and fruit. But, the quality of the food wasn't all that good but I didn't care because it was a buffet and free (though, technically, I'm sure the breakfast was included in the price of the room). Greg and I were back in our room around 9:30 and start to pack our things. I believe we left around 10-ish. Afterwards, we headed over to the airport to watch the airplanes. Have I mentioned how much Greg loves airplanes? If not, he's a huge aviation buff. So, we sit in the observation area at BWI watching the planes come in and take off for about an hour and a half. Then, just before Noon we head off to Nanjamoy to pick Amelia up. We arrived around 1:30 and left a little after 2. This was Greg's first visit to my parents house. He got to meet Lucy, the horse, and Max, Scooter, and Scout the crazy dogs which all adored Greg. We didn't get home until about 4:15pm. I fell asleep on the drive home. I was mentally exhausted. It is a long drive to Waldorf and back and then to Nanjamoy and back.
All in all, it was a very refreshing weekend.
27 April 2007
:u) and other stuff
I am feeling good right now.
I received the phone call, the coveted phone call, for MX this afternoon and for the call being perfect, they gave me a $25 visa gift card (Good, now I have gas for my car next week)!! The gift card was a surprise.
And, even though I am dirt poor at this moment I am still moving forward with my plans to pay for a hotel room tomorrow for Greg and me. After the emotional roller coaster I've been through this week, I need some alone time with Greg and no one else (meaning no roommates or baby). Not that Greg and I have any intimacy issues or such, it's just that we haven't been alone 'alone' since I moved into the townhouse and this hotel time is severely over due.
Greg has told me that he's in love with me. He told me on Wednesday during a conversation about the 'issue' that was bothering me. I didn't acknowledge it at the time, but last night I called him and thanked him for telling me, among other things... (we had a little 'issue' last night on the phone as well). This week, I've felt differently and not in a positive way. I haven't thought negative things like before, I just didn't feel happy. I've noticed that since being on birth control, my emotions and feelings have been all over the place and I am not enjoying this. Granted, I've only been taking birth control for 2 months and all and I probably need to give it more time for me to adjust but I honestly hate how I get at times. I hate how it brings me down for now apparent reason. I hate feeling negative and depressed. I'm a happy go lucky person! I have many things to be happy about; such as: a job, a car, a very supportive boyfriend, a very supportive family, friends, a bank account that is still in the positive (for now), a healthy baby that didn't receive any prenatal care (except for the last 4 weeks), and other things. There are other people out there that have less than me, even though I don't know how they feel. But, even though I have all these 'good things', I am still fighting to survive and keep things in the positive (especially the bank account) and I know there is no way I would be where I am without Greg's help (and more than just financially).
UGH! There are so many things running through my mind; I can't organize them and put them down to comprehend what they are and mean!
I received the phone call, the coveted phone call, for MX this afternoon and for the call being perfect, they gave me a $25 visa gift card (Good, now I have gas for my car next week)!! The gift card was a surprise.
And, even though I am dirt poor at this moment I am still moving forward with my plans to pay for a hotel room tomorrow for Greg and me. After the emotional roller coaster I've been through this week, I need some alone time with Greg and no one else (meaning no roommates or baby). Not that Greg and I have any intimacy issues or such, it's just that we haven't been alone 'alone' since I moved into the townhouse and this hotel time is severely over due.
Greg has told me that he's in love with me. He told me on Wednesday during a conversation about the 'issue' that was bothering me. I didn't acknowledge it at the time, but last night I called him and thanked him for telling me, among other things... (we had a little 'issue' last night on the phone as well). This week, I've felt differently and not in a positive way. I haven't thought negative things like before, I just didn't feel happy. I've noticed that since being on birth control, my emotions and feelings have been all over the place and I am not enjoying this. Granted, I've only been taking birth control for 2 months and all and I probably need to give it more time for me to adjust but I honestly hate how I get at times. I hate how it brings me down for now apparent reason. I hate feeling negative and depressed. I'm a happy go lucky person! I have many things to be happy about; such as: a job, a car, a very supportive boyfriend, a very supportive family, friends, a bank account that is still in the positive (for now), a healthy baby that didn't receive any prenatal care (except for the last 4 weeks), and other things. There are other people out there that have less than me, even though I don't know how they feel. But, even though I have all these 'good things', I am still fighting to survive and keep things in the positive (especially the bank account) and I know there is no way I would be where I am without Greg's help (and more than just financially).
UGH! There are so many things running through my mind; I can't organize them and put them down to comprehend what they are and mean!
26 April 2007
Stuff that's been going on...
Ugh, it's been a long week and there's still one more day before the weekend!!
This week has been so emotionally stressful! I have a sick baby, a car that needs new breaks (urgently), Greg and I have been having 'issues' (though nothing too serious) and just a shit load of small things.
Well, as for Amelia, we are going to try a new formula. Her doc suggested a soy based formula so we'll see how that goes (but if you want to read the details of what's been going on with her, you can read all about it here: http://frye79-lifewithamelia.blogspot.com/).
The breaks on my car have become worse. I've known for a while that I will need to replace them but with all that's been going on since the beginning of the new year, it's been impossible for me to get anything done, personally. Plus, this is something that is going to set me back a couple hundred dollars and I haven't been able to save. So, this Monday or Tuesday, my breaks have finally begun to scream at me whenever applied. So, I called my Mom and Van for help, which they are going to do. And, the plan is to drop off my car on Saturday morning at some place in Millersville. They gave me an estimate of $275 for the complete job. I just hope that this will be a simple break job and not require anything more extensive. I am hoping that I will receive my bonus (given to me in Visa Gift Cards) from work soon so I can give them to Mom and Van as some form of repayment.
Tuesday was Greg's 29th Birthday. I tried to take him out to dinner, but Amelia wasn't cooperating. We attempted to eat at Olive Garden (I haven't been there in ages and that was all the way in Westminster) and ended up ordering everything to go. Greg was kind enough to drive all the way back to my place so we could eat together. It feels good to be able to give Greg things for his birthday this year. So far, I've given him 3 new shirts, a $15 iTunes card, new lip balm, taken him out to dinner and lunch, and then there is the surprise for this weekend of which I am so happy that we'll be able to do.
Adam finally confirmed that he received the divorce papers. He says that he doesn't know what part to sign and I told him the part where he is agreeing to the terms of the divorce and I haven't heard from him since. I really hope this divorce goes through smoothly.
As I mentioned in the earlier post, I'm still feeling... 'blah' about what's been going on between Greg and I. I really don't want to feel hurt like I do. I know why he didn't do it and such but... ugh, I just want this to go away and the only way it will is if I forget about it and move on (without thinking about it; yeah, easier said than done at times). Greg wasn't very chatty via email today. And, I feel that is partly due to me telling him that I am still hurt, though not as much as I was before which I believe is a good sign, about his actions (or lack thereof). All he wrote back was ":(" and I replied with "Would you rather know the truth or have me tell you something just to make you feel better?". He never replied. But, he did call after I picked Amelia up from the sitters though we didn't talk about 'it'.
At least there is some positiveness going on (sorta)...
My cycle is completely over!
This evening, at work, I was told by the Chief Of Operations that they are going to use my phone calls as examples to share for some big executives in the company! I am in the sales/marketing team (and there are only two others which were recently brought on as permanent employees and I am still a temp, for now...) and they chose me as the best example. But, I have to give credit to PRP for teaching me excellent call center skills due to their strictness; One of the 'skills' I learned was not to say 'um' or uh' during a conversation and I over heard the COO commenting to another higher-up (not an executive) about another sales team members conversations are full of 'ums' and how unprofessional the call sounds even though it was a sale. And, the COO already has a great call of mine and the only reason he isn't using this call is because I had a slight coughing fit during the verification process. Granted, I was apologetic about the coughing fit to the customer and the customer and I had developed a good re pour during the phone call... so, that is kind of exciting.
I bet you didn't know that it has taken me all day to complete this entry. As I type, it is currently 10:43 and I am watching House Hunters on HG TV. Greg should be calling soon.
This week has been so emotionally stressful! I have a sick baby, a car that needs new breaks (urgently), Greg and I have been having 'issues' (though nothing too serious) and just a shit load of small things.
Well, as for Amelia, we are going to try a new formula. Her doc suggested a soy based formula so we'll see how that goes (but if you want to read the details of what's been going on with her, you can read all about it here: http://frye79-lifewithamelia.blogspot.com/).
The breaks on my car have become worse. I've known for a while that I will need to replace them but with all that's been going on since the beginning of the new year, it's been impossible for me to get anything done, personally. Plus, this is something that is going to set me back a couple hundred dollars and I haven't been able to save. So, this Monday or Tuesday, my breaks have finally begun to scream at me whenever applied. So, I called my Mom and Van for help, which they are going to do. And, the plan is to drop off my car on Saturday morning at some place in Millersville. They gave me an estimate of $275 for the complete job. I just hope that this will be a simple break job and not require anything more extensive. I am hoping that I will receive my bonus (given to me in Visa Gift Cards) from work soon so I can give them to Mom and Van as some form of repayment.
Tuesday was Greg's 29th Birthday. I tried to take him out to dinner, but Amelia wasn't cooperating. We attempted to eat at Olive Garden (I haven't been there in ages and that was all the way in Westminster) and ended up ordering everything to go. Greg was kind enough to drive all the way back to my place so we could eat together. It feels good to be able to give Greg things for his birthday this year. So far, I've given him 3 new shirts, a $15 iTunes card, new lip balm, taken him out to dinner and lunch, and then there is the surprise for this weekend of which I am so happy that we'll be able to do.
Adam finally confirmed that he received the divorce papers. He says that he doesn't know what part to sign and I told him the part where he is agreeing to the terms of the divorce and I haven't heard from him since. I really hope this divorce goes through smoothly.
As I mentioned in the earlier post, I'm still feeling... 'blah' about what's been going on between Greg and I. I really don't want to feel hurt like I do. I know why he didn't do it and such but... ugh, I just want this to go away and the only way it will is if I forget about it and move on (without thinking about it; yeah, easier said than done at times). Greg wasn't very chatty via email today. And, I feel that is partly due to me telling him that I am still hurt, though not as much as I was before which I believe is a good sign, about his actions (or lack thereof). All he wrote back was ":(" and I replied with "Would you rather know the truth or have me tell you something just to make you feel better?". He never replied. But, he did call after I picked Amelia up from the sitters though we didn't talk about 'it'.
At least there is some positiveness going on (sorta)...
My cycle is completely over!
This evening, at work, I was told by the Chief Of Operations that they are going to use my phone calls as examples to share for some big executives in the company! I am in the sales/marketing team (and there are only two others which were recently brought on as permanent employees and I am still a temp, for now...) and they chose me as the best example. But, I have to give credit to PRP for teaching me excellent call center skills due to their strictness; One of the 'skills' I learned was not to say 'um' or uh' during a conversation and I over heard the COO commenting to another higher-up (not an executive) about another sales team members conversations are full of 'ums' and how unprofessional the call sounds even though it was a sale. And, the COO already has a great call of mine and the only reason he isn't using this call is because I had a slight coughing fit during the verification process. Granted, I was apologetic about the coughing fit to the customer and the customer and I had developed a good re pour during the phone call... so, that is kind of exciting.
I bet you didn't know that it has taken me all day to complete this entry. As I type, it is currently 10:43 and I am watching House Hunters on HG TV. Greg should be calling soon.
Re: Re: Bad bad Bad
After I left work and picked Amelia up, I decided to stop by Greg's office because I felt it was something that needed to be done. I surprised him, of course, and we did a little talking, but not much. After about 45 minutes I left because it was getting close to Amelia's next feeding and asked Greg to stop by the store on his way to my place to get more Pedialyte and dinner.
Greg arrives a little after 8pm, at which I am feeding Amelia. He puts the groceries away and sits on the couch with me. We don't talk about the events of the day. A little before 9, Amelia falls asleep and he takes upstairs to put her to bed. In the mean time, Sean and I are picking at the chicken Greg bought. Once Amelia it asleep for good, Greg comes down to fix his dinner. We watch a little of the Os game (they lost, no surprise) and the Discovery Channel. Then, we head upstairs where I take a shower (and hint for Greg to come in, which he does but only for a few minutes) to initiate the 'make-up romance' for the evening and it doesn't happen. So, after my shower, I lay in bed with Greg and we watch tv together while he rubs my legs and I rub his feet. I believe around 10:30-ish, I began to fall asleep but, try to stay awake to see if Greg wants to talk anymore about what we went through and he pretty much says no and before long, he's already snoring. I was a little disappointed because I thought he would like to talk more, intently, about the 'issue' and he apparently he was content with was we discussed via email or online.
Greg arrives a little after 8pm, at which I am feeding Amelia. He puts the groceries away and sits on the couch with me. We don't talk about the events of the day. A little before 9, Amelia falls asleep and he takes upstairs to put her to bed. In the mean time, Sean and I are picking at the chicken Greg bought. Once Amelia it asleep for good, Greg comes down to fix his dinner. We watch a little of the Os game (they lost, no surprise) and the Discovery Channel. Then, we head upstairs where I take a shower (and hint for Greg to come in, which he does but only for a few minutes) to initiate the 'make-up romance' for the evening and it doesn't happen. So, after my shower, I lay in bed with Greg and we watch tv together while he rubs my legs and I rub his feet. I believe around 10:30-ish, I began to fall asleep but, try to stay awake to see if Greg wants to talk anymore about what we went through and he pretty much says no and before long, he's already snoring. I was a little disappointed because I thought he would like to talk more, intently, about the 'issue' and he apparently he was content with was we discussed via email or online.
25 April 2007
Re: Bad bad Bad
Well, Greg has finally completed one of the requests. It wasn't worded as I would have liked, but I'll accept it. After talking a little online as to why I am not in a good mood, I explained the issues that are hurting me and that being the requests. And, right now I feel the second request has lost it's meaning due to him taking so long to do the request. He says he's still going to send it, but what's the point; nearly 2 months have passed since the 'issue' and I see no real reason anymore. He missed the boat.
He's also stated that he still plans on coming over tonight despite my reasoning. He says he wants to help me feel better and I told him that I don't see a way as to how that will be possible but he says he has a way. Honestly, I can't think of anything, even completing the other request, that will make me 'happy' happy.
I didn't write much to Greg this afternoon. He sent me an email around 12:45 and I didn't reply until 4:50pm. I really wasn't in the mood to chat with him, muchless anyone else for that matter (which sucks because I work in a call center). Anyway, I asked how he was doing and he said not good because he is worried that he is loosing me and that he is confused about everything (such as me telling him there is no point in coming over whereas I usually try to keep him as long as possible) that is going on within me. I told him the reason of my hurt feelings and such and he has apologized and all, but he says my actions are hurting him as well.
I am in such a funk of a mood. I was feeling fine this morning until his phone call as he was en route to my place. For some reason that call triggered a snow ball to hell of emotions and feelings. Which I am confused about as well and that reason is because it's not like I've been keeping things, such as this issue about the request, bottled inside of me; he knows how I feel about his lack of responce to the request (and still hasn't done anything about it except for the one, but like I said about the other - there's really no point now), though I guess he didn't know how much meaning it had for me (but I was sure he knew at the time of the request).
In any event, Greg will be coming over tonight to talk about all of this. I'm not really looking forward to this because I know I'll be crying (as I've already done so today) and I hate how I cry over just about everything. I also hate to put the blame on my hormones and birth control, but I was never like this before.
He's also stated that he still plans on coming over tonight despite my reasoning. He says he wants to help me feel better and I told him that I don't see a way as to how that will be possible but he says he has a way. Honestly, I can't think of anything, even completing the other request, that will make me 'happy' happy.
I didn't write much to Greg this afternoon. He sent me an email around 12:45 and I didn't reply until 4:50pm. I really wasn't in the mood to chat with him, muchless anyone else for that matter (which sucks because I work in a call center). Anyway, I asked how he was doing and he said not good because he is worried that he is loosing me and that he is confused about everything (such as me telling him there is no point in coming over whereas I usually try to keep him as long as possible) that is going on within me. I told him the reason of my hurt feelings and such and he has apologized and all, but he says my actions are hurting him as well.
I am in such a funk of a mood. I was feeling fine this morning until his phone call as he was en route to my place. For some reason that call triggered a snow ball to hell of emotions and feelings. Which I am confused about as well and that reason is because it's not like I've been keeping things, such as this issue about the request, bottled inside of me; he knows how I feel about his lack of responce to the request (and still hasn't done anything about it except for the one, but like I said about the other - there's really no point now), though I guess he didn't know how much meaning it had for me (but I was sure he knew at the time of the request).
In any event, Greg will be coming over tonight to talk about all of this. I'm not really looking forward to this because I know I'll be crying (as I've already done so today) and I hate how I cry over just about everything. I also hate to put the blame on my hormones and birth control, but I was never like this before.
Bad bad Bad
This week just hasn't been good.
And, to top everything off, this morning I locked myself, and Amelia, outside. I called Greg a little after 8am for help. He arrived about 9:20-ish. Around 8:50-ish, Greg calls to tell me that I can not do this, locking myself outside, anymore and that he was crossed with me. Yeah, like I did this on purpose. I told him that I was sorry and that he doesn't have to come over tonight. I became pretty upset with him after that phone call. He really hurt my feelings. As if I didn't already know that he was going to be late for work, just like I was going to be late. Plus, I still had to drop Amelia off at the babysitters before I could go to work and that sets me back about 15 minutes, so it's not like he was the only person effected.
Overall, I feel aggravated. There is more to why I am feeling aggravated than what happened this morning and part of this aggravation is from Greg's actions, or lack thereof, with his ex. I don't mind that he still talks to her and I think it's nice that they are still friends after what ended their relationship, but Greg has yet to do the two simple things I've requested him to do for me. The first request was asked nearly 2 months ago and the second request was asked about 3 weeks ago. These requests require him to tell his ex something for me, nothing major; just something to help me feel better. He says he's going to do them, but at this point I don't believe him anymore and I told him this on Monday night. The fact that he hasn't done these requests hurts because it feels like he isn't taking my feelings seriously or into consideration about the requests. It's to the point, that I give up on him doing the request; which I have told him and that I will not forget this (this being that he did not do the simple request for me) meaning that I won't hold a grudge against him, but I will not forget what he did (or didn't do).
I was intending on not talking to Greg today (via email or phone calls) because I am hurt by his actions of this morning and the other things. But, he sent me an email stating that he was hurt and worried. So, I wrote back explainging why I was being cold to him when he arrived and he's apologized for his actions to the phone call. I wrote back telling him not to come over because there is no point (I know he wants to get as much OT as possible and by arriving late means he'll have to work late tonight and since I am about a half hour from his job, he wouldn't arrive until 8pm or later and I just don't see the point in coming over). Greg disagree's with me about tonight, so we'll see.
And, to top everything off, this morning I locked myself, and Amelia, outside. I called Greg a little after 8am for help. He arrived about 9:20-ish. Around 8:50-ish, Greg calls to tell me that I can not do this, locking myself outside, anymore and that he was crossed with me. Yeah, like I did this on purpose. I told him that I was sorry and that he doesn't have to come over tonight. I became pretty upset with him after that phone call. He really hurt my feelings. As if I didn't already know that he was going to be late for work, just like I was going to be late. Plus, I still had to drop Amelia off at the babysitters before I could go to work and that sets me back about 15 minutes, so it's not like he was the only person effected.
Overall, I feel aggravated. There is more to why I am feeling aggravated than what happened this morning and part of this aggravation is from Greg's actions, or lack thereof, with his ex. I don't mind that he still talks to her and I think it's nice that they are still friends after what ended their relationship, but Greg has yet to do the two simple things I've requested him to do for me. The first request was asked nearly 2 months ago and the second request was asked about 3 weeks ago. These requests require him to tell his ex something for me, nothing major; just something to help me feel better. He says he's going to do them, but at this point I don't believe him anymore and I told him this on Monday night. The fact that he hasn't done these requests hurts because it feels like he isn't taking my feelings seriously or into consideration about the requests. It's to the point, that I give up on him doing the request; which I have told him and that I will not forget this (this being that he did not do the simple request for me) meaning that I won't hold a grudge against him, but I will not forget what he did (or didn't do).
I was intending on not talking to Greg today (via email or phone calls) because I am hurt by his actions of this morning and the other things. But, he sent me an email stating that he was hurt and worried. So, I wrote back explainging why I was being cold to him when he arrived and he's apologized for his actions to the phone call. I wrote back telling him not to come over because there is no point (I know he wants to get as much OT as possible and by arriving late means he'll have to work late tonight and since I am about a half hour from his job, he wouldn't arrive until 8pm or later and I just don't see the point in coming over). Greg disagree's with me about tonight, so we'll see.
23 April 2007
Adjusting
Ugh, I am still adjusting, mentally, from this weekend. Not that it was stressful (and I still need to finish writing about the weekend) but a lot went on, especially on Sunday with Amelia, and, in addition to seeing things completely different than before with the new glasses.
One thing that has changed since having new glasses, aside from perfect vision, is my perception of Amelia. Before, she still looked small to me and I kept telling Greg that we have a midget baby (and he would just laugh at me), but with the new glasses I see her completely different! She looks bigger, rounder, and more 'baby' like. I am assuming that my old prescription affected my depth perception or something like that, I don't know, but now she looks like a fat baby to me!
During one of the quiet moments of yesterday, Greg and I stood in the kitchen talking about feelings and such. And, as usual, I had all the questions. For some reason, I don't think I'm completely adjusted to Greg and I being 'together' together. Don't get me wrong, my feelings for Greg are real and true; I am not 'guessing if' I am in love with him, I know I am in love with him. But, with all that Greg and I have talked about recently, I wanted to know if his feelings for me were/are different than the feelings he's had with his ex's. I don't know why I wanted to know this information, but his answers made me feel good, as well as made me believe that what Greg and I have is unique from what we've experianced with our ex's. We're both feeling things we didn't feel with them for each other and, I'm gushing with excitment over this! I feel amazing with Greg. I don't want to be without him. Greg is my everything. And, even though I've mentioned this before, the communication between Greg and I is what's making our relationship so strong and I can not stress enough how important it is to talk, openly, with your significant other.
One thing that has changed since having new glasses, aside from perfect vision, is my perception of Amelia. Before, she still looked small to me and I kept telling Greg that we have a midget baby (and he would just laugh at me), but with the new glasses I see her completely different! She looks bigger, rounder, and more 'baby' like. I am assuming that my old prescription affected my depth perception or something like that, I don't know, but now she looks like a fat baby to me!
During one of the quiet moments of yesterday, Greg and I stood in the kitchen talking about feelings and such. And, as usual, I had all the questions. For some reason, I don't think I'm completely adjusted to Greg and I being 'together' together. Don't get me wrong, my feelings for Greg are real and true; I am not 'guessing if' I am in love with him, I know I am in love with him. But, with all that Greg and I have talked about recently, I wanted to know if his feelings for me were/are different than the feelings he's had with his ex's. I don't know why I wanted to know this information, but his answers made me feel good, as well as made me believe that what Greg and I have is unique from what we've experianced with our ex's. We're both feeling things we didn't feel with them for each other and, I'm gushing with excitment over this! I feel amazing with Greg. I don't want to be without him. Greg is my everything. And, even though I've mentioned this before, the communication between Greg and I is what's making our relationship so strong and I can not stress enough how important it is to talk, openly, with your significant other.
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