Thursdays Trials & Tribulations

This week has probably got to be the worst week I've experienced in some time.

I am feeling a little better today, though not by much. At least I don't have a headache anymore.

I just sent the following email to Greg:

Do you know how much you mean to me? How special you make me feel? How much I value your thoughts and feelings about us? How much I truly and deeply love you and how scared that makes me feel, only because I have never felt like this for someone in my entire life?

I just want to tell you that you are the most amazing person to ever enter my life and I value everyday I have with you, regardless of how challenging I may make it (like last night).

You are my future. And I couldn't’t be happier.

I love you.

Jess

and this is his reply:

Awwwwwww. That makes me feel so good and special thank you so much baby. Everything this morning felt so great, even just the snooze button pushing and cuddling. :)
Nothing has ever felt as right as it does with you....we just feel so perfect for each other and I love it. I love you so much Jess Jess, and I can't wait to live with you everyday and we can start our own lives as a family. :)

I didn't mind last night as long as we talk it out and come to understandings, challenges are what make so varied and fun. :)

Love you soo much,
Greg

::HUGS:: ::SMOOCHES::

I know I challenge Greg with all these weird crazy mood swings I go through but he doesn't seem to mind. He wants me to tell him whats bothering me, he wants to help me feel better. Last night, Greg and I stayed at work until 9pm. A majority of that time we were talking about people from our past and the 'friendships' that continued. I told Greg about the conversation with Dave and Greg read my blog entry as well. I told Greg what really pissed me off about Dave was that he couldn't tell me the truth. Like I said, if you're going to exclude me from your life after a 10 year history, at least be honest and tell me why. I would tell him, or anyone for that matter, why I decided to no longer be friends. But, I am over Dave's bullshit. I've already moved on.

The discussion Greg and I had last night has helped me feel better about things in general. It was frustrating to try to explain what I was feeling even when I didn't know what I was feeling. But, the conversation ended up revolving how we see people as a friend vs. acquaintance.

Once Greg and I left his job, we ran to Giant to get ice (Greg and I have a weird need for bagged ice) and drinks. Then, we headed over to Denny's for a late dinner. It was after 10:30 by the time we got home. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. Greg and I didn't talk about any of our previous conversation of the night and just watched tv. Then, around 11:30 I decided that I wanted to make love to Greg and we had an amazing evening. And, then he was asleep! I hate it when he falls asleep before me because I want to fall asleep as he's running his fingers through my hair or petting me. But, he tried to stay awake though he wasn't successful.

This morning, Greg and I kept hitting the snooze button on our cell phones. Neither of us wanted to wake up, much less get out of bed and go to work. Sleep felt so good. I slept so deeply too. I usually do after a good night of crying or when I am extreamly stressed, and last night was both. Also, last night I has a really weird dream: I dreampt that I was at some bar/resturant and I stepped away from Amelia who was on this round sofa/couch thing. She was the same age as she is now, four months old, and as I was at the counter getting the sodas and pizza, some worker yelled at me for putting the money on the counter and the menu and I was like, geez! Then, I turned around and saw Amelia making her way off the round sofa. She wasn't rolling off, she was climbing off, and as soon as she reached the ground she just layed there because she can't crawl or sit up on her own yet. And I remember thinking in my dream how weird it was for her to be able to do that. Then, out of no where, a person that I went to high school with, Steven, sat down on the sofa with me and we started a conversation. The dream was just so weird.

I leave in about a half hour to meet my Mom in Chuck Co. On my way to work, I realized that I forgot to pack any type of clothing. No pajamas, no underpants, nothing at all! How absent minded can I be? At least Greg and I remembered to put the stroller back in my car from his.

There was something else I wanted to write but I can't remember it at the moment.

Oh well.

Until then...

Jess