Catching Up is Hard to Do...

Ok, here's the breakdown of how the move went:

Friday Morning: I check the bank balance and well, you know. So, after the shower, Greg and I are sitting in bed with Amelia talking about the action plan for the day. The first action is to call Amelia's doctor of which he asks if we can bring her in at 4pm (and I say yes, of course). Then, my plan of action is to stop by my job and pick up my check, drop Amelia off at the sitters and then return. While I was driving all over HoCo, Greg and Ken were loading up the u-haul with the bed and sofa and other items. I believe it was about 10:45am when I returned from all the errands and Greg and Ken had completed their tasks and I was cleaning out the pantry of our items and items on my nightstand. While I was cleaning off my nightstand, Greg comes and tells me he's ready to go since it was past 11am and he wanted to start unloading the truck by 11:30 at the latest. So we leave. I stop off at 7-11 to get waters and Gatorade and ice for everyone and then to the bank to deposit my pay check into the joint account. When I arrived at the condo, Greg and Ken had already unloaded the bed (king size mattress and box springs as well as bed frame)! So, thus began the extremely intense move! Oh.My.Gawd. was it hot on Friday. I was sweating so much and it takes a lot to get me to sweat. Greg and Ken were soaked (thank goodness I'm not male and don't sweat like that). The three of us unloaded the truck until about 1pm, which is when Sean and Aaron showed up. Then there were five of us to finish unloading and we were all done around 2. Not too bad. So, once we were done with the unloading, we head back to Laurel to return the truck, then to Greg's place to drop off he and Ken to which they load up Greg's car of more items, and then I drive over to Elkridge to get Amelia and take her to the doctors. Yes, I made it by 4pm and surprisingly, there was no wait for being a spontaneous patient. Amelia was checked and she has an ear infection in her left ear. Booo. So, after the appointment, I went ot Giant to fill her prescription for Amoxicillian (icky pink stuff that she seems to love) and call my Mom to see if Sean and I ever had ear infections when we were younger. Turns out we never did. Greg, on the other hand, along with his brothers, had chronic ear infections and ended up with tubes in their ears! Oy! Are ear infections a trait that can be passed down? Poor Amelia, her nose is so stuffy that she can't breath through it and when she gets sleepy, she can't fall asleep. Greg and I have been giving her baby Tylenol to help and then yesterday I began using the 'bulbous' (nose aspirator) to get the 'stuff' out. She hates it with a passion and screams and cries every time I do this but I know it works because I can see the results and then she's able to breath a little better when we're done (since she usually passes out on my shoulder). I am concerned that she's getting a sinus infection because the 'stuff' was once clear and now it's turning greenish. I am going to wait a day or so to see if the Amoxicillian works on the nose as well before I call her doctor again (which just reminded me that I need to make an appointment for her follow-up; office is closed due to lunch, mental note: must call back at 2). But, aside from that, all is well. Friday night was uneventful. Did about 3 loads of laundry and learned that the dryer isn't the most efficient piece of machine, going to have to write a note to The Condo Guy. Then Greg and I became so freaking hungry since we hadn't eat all day and decided to order a pizza from some location in Brooklyn. Damn good pizza! We were very pleased. Then, it was off to bed. It was weird going to bed in a different place. Amelia didn't sleep to well and she and I were up at 4:30am. I didn't fall back asleep until AFTER the sun started coming up. Yes, I saw the sunrise from my bedroom window. Very pretty, but I would rather have slept. Greg and I were both up, along with Amelia by 8am.

On Saturday, Mom made it up to check out the new place as well as bring Amelia's crib and dresser up and other items (many other items; a truck load of other items). Mom loves the place. She loves the colors, the lay out, and most importantly: Amelia's bedroom. Once we were done checking the place out and whatnot, we head over to Target to do some shopping (courtesy of Mom). Surprisingly, we didn't get that much stuff. Sean met us at the Target and picked up a few items as well. We were in that store for over two hours! My feet were so tired when we left and we still had to haul everything up to the third floor and Greg bought a shelving unit and tv stand! That stuff isn't light, don'tcha know? But, we did it. When we got home we unloaded and unpacked the items. Mom went to work on Amelia's room; hanging the curtain up, worked on the crib and other items. Greg began putting the tv stand together and learned that he needs a screw driver that we don't have and I was putting the Target items away (bathroom accessories; kitchen accessories, etc). Once we were all done with that, we pondered dinner. We were all so very hungry. Very hungry. We ended up eating at the Golden Corral across the street. Greg treated us to dinner and the food wasn't too bad. Greg loved the desserts and I enjoyed the pot roast and fresh fruit (yummy watermelon and strawberries). When we were done, Mom headed home because she wasn't feel well and Greg and I headed over to Wal-Mart and Mars (Wal-mart to get a screwdriver and wash rag for Amelia). Yeah, I know I stated that I hate Mars, but the choice of grocery stores is pretty much nil in this area and since the two are within the same building I only went for the convenience. While at Mars, I used the last of my WIC checks and bought food (lunch and dinner) for the remainder of the week. I was expecting our total to be $60 or $70 but it came to $45. Whew! After grocery shopping, we stopped by my brothers and gave him 2 gallons of milk because I had 2 gallons for myself and there is no way Greg and I can drink/use 4 gallons of milk in 3 weeks (why so much milk? because WIC supplies lots of milk, more than I normally consume). We finally make it home around 7 or 8 and Greg finishes putting the tv stand together and then we just crash. All of us.

Sunday: We're all up by 8am, again. I tend to Amelia while Greg begins the bookcase. By 10 am, he's done and Amelia is very cranky and wants to take a nap but she can't fall asleep because of her stuffy nose. Greg and I try to calm her down and then we end up using the bulbous and she finally falls asleep a little after 11. Greg and I relax and lay in bed and chat. Then, around 1-ish, we head over to his Mom's to get a few more items and visit since she wanted to see Amelia even though Amelia isn't feeling well (by golly, I think Greg's Mom likes being a Grandma!). Greg and I ended up staying for about an hour and head back home with a car load of items. All to unload, again, up three flights of stairs. Have I mentioned we're on the top floor? The day was challenging due to Amelia. She was very irritable. At one point, Greg went to Target to look into buying baby sinus medicine but all they carried was medicine for cough and cold, nothing just for sinus. So, we didn't get anything for her. We ended up using the bulbous again and she finally fell asleep for a little while. While she was napping, there was an accident on Ordnance Rd. that Greg and I heard and could see the cop lights. It was freaky to hear it. We were standing on the balcony trying to see what happened but there were too many trees. In any event, the rest of the day was low key. We watched Lilo and Stitch and then some *special* movies (wink wink) and then Jay Leno's Headlines collection that Greg had from 2000! I played a little Yoshi on the DS and took my shower around 10pm. I was asleep as soon as I layed in bed after the shower. I don't remember falling asleep or anything. It was a very deep and restful sleep. I didn't wake up for anything until the alarm went off at 6:45am.

Just some tidbits:

I finally have my Nissan back!!! On Friday, while I was at the doctors office for Amelia, the insurance company called and said that my car has been ready for a couple of days and why hadn't I picked it up. I informed that person that called that I have not received any communication from the repair shop and that I did call on 08/10 to check on the status and was informed that there was an issue with the insurance check and that they, the repair shop, was going to call me back when the car was ready (which the never did). Also, I told her that I was unable to speak and asked that she call me back in a half hour and her reply was that she was about to leave and that she would call the repair shop to call me (which they never did). So, this morning when I returned the rental they informed me that the insurance company stopped paying for the car on Friday (08/17). I told them that I was going to call the insurance company about that and for now the rental isn't going to take the money out of my deposit. This morning I called my claims agent and left a message. I will call again at 3:30 and see what happens.

All weekend, and most of last week for that matter, I've been trying to meet with the potential new babysitter. Didn't happen. Today, hopefully, Greg and I are going to meet with her after work. So far, I like her; based on our phone conversations. I also like the fact that her price is negotiable if we provide items such as a car seat and pack n play for Amelia. I am eager to see what the price will be, though. In the mean time, I do have a few other people lined up in case this person doesn't work out. And, if worst comes to worst, Mom is more than willing to watch Amelia while we find someone.

Greg and I are thinking it will be at least a month before we initiate cable/internet service. We want to see what the finances are going to be like. At the moment, Greg hasn't even brought his computer or camera over and is in no hurry, oddly.

All the while at work I've been trying to catch up. I had around five voice mails; countless emails and still the project that now requires overtime. I'm not feeling all that well; my throat is sore and has been since yesterday. I'm still very tired and wish for a whole day without a sick baby to recover. There is still unpacking to do and laundry and now dishes (afraid to run the dishwasher). At least I was able to get Amelia an appointment for Sept 1 and not have to miss any work. All this while having to do actual work!!! I was feeling very stressed up until 2pm. Now, I am not feeling as stressed and am able to complete today's entry.

Ok. I'm heading out at 2:42pm

When it Rains It Pours

This week is going to be so stressful!

I dropped Amelia off this morning and was informed that the babysitter as accepted a job and is giving me 2 weeks notice! That means Greg and I have to find a new sitter by August 27! So, the search has begun on CraigsList; so far I've contacted a few businesses and SAHM's and either left a message or sent an email. Wish us luck.

Greg's hour at work ended up being nearly 4 hours! So much work came in over the weekend and he wanted to get a head start for today. He's such a work-a-holic.

So, this is the week!!! Greg and I start moving stuff in at the end of the week!! When Greg made it home (11:30pm), we talked for a little bit about how we're going to do the move and do it as cheaply as possible (meaning the rental truck). I think we're going to get the U-haul and load up the apartment first, then the storage unit and then go to the condo vs. storage unit first, then condo and then back to the apartment for the rest of the stuff. The next question is when do we do this since Greg has taken Thursday and Friday off and I've only taken Friday, but we are meeting The Condo Guy on Thursday after work to get the keys and to give him the rest of the money... so, do Greg and I start the move on Thursday night or wait until Friday? So much to think about!

*** 1:15pm ***

So much for rest during lunch! I had to run up to Greg's job to get his bank card to withdraw money from his current account and put the money in our joint account, and since I drive by his bank on the way home from the Babysitters, I offered to do the errand.

Also during lunch, I recieved 2 call backs from potential day car providers for Amelia. I haven't called either back, yet, since work has been absolutley nucking futs!

It's so much fun having Amelia back! I really enjoy feeding her the Gerber foods because after each spoonfull she'll go "mmm" and then open her mouth for more (or stick her foot in her mouth)! It's so freaking entertaining! Also, Mom taught Amelia to make this face, where she'll wrinkle her nose and squint her eyes and begin to blow through her nose really fast, which usually results in a snort! Greg and I crack up when Amelia does that; of which she'll do on demand, sorta. I'm going to try to get it on 'tape' for all to see. And last night, while in Target, Amelia was being such a ham! She was smiling at everyone, talking and laughing - it was so much fun! One unique thing she was doing was licking the bottoms of Greg and my cups; I am going to assume that her bottom tooth is coming in and the coldness of the cup soothed her; but I am sure it was a sight to see us walking around with a baby attached to the bottom of a cup.

I am getting so freaking excited about the next five months (that's how long until Amelia's First Birthday)!! I can't wait to hear her 'talk' and start walking; the excitment of Christmas and when April and I get their pictures taken. I am so giddy with all of it!

Oh, last night while I had the place to myself, I was playing with Adobe Photoshop 5.0 and trying to create some collages for Cousin April and our Grandma which is Amelia's and Olivia's Great-Grandma. Working on a few Holiday Ideas...

There is more that I want to write, but it would take me all day at this rate...

Maybe tomorrow.

*** Signing out at 2:17pm ***

bbblllaaahhh

Ugh. What a day.

First, I called the auto repair shop to set up my drop off, then I call the car rental place to set up a pick up time. After the phone calls, I start the laundry because Mom is watching Amelia until the first weekend of Aug.!! Yay Mom!

So, I head out around 10:45am and I don't return until 7:15pm.

The estimate to repair my car is $3650.00!!!! Thank goodness for insurance, except my deductible is $500!!!! There goes my savings. bbbblllaaahhhh

Next step was to pick up my rental. When I arrived at the place, first they told me that they didn't have my reservation. The dude I spoke with misunderstood my last name, figures. Then, the car wasn't even ready and they asked me to come back later! WTF!! They told me it would be ready around noon, and I showed up at 12:15 and they didn't have it. Bbbblllllaaaahhhh

So, Sean and I went to Cactus Willies for lunch. Sean hasn't eatin since he moved out (why? because Greg and I did all the grocery shopping and cooking when we lived at the townhouse). Amelia was a hoot at the restaurant. She was chatting and shrieking and being very loud, but not in the screaming her head off way. She was such a good girl!

After lunch, Sean and I go back to the car rental place and the car is finally ready, though not the one I reserved! I am now driving an exciting Chevy Cobalt. Joy.
Now, it's 1:45 and I call Mom to let her know that I am now heading down to Waldorf. Traffic on 301 was notorious! bbbblllllaaaaahhhh So, I skipped 301 and got onto 214 and headed south on 95 to 5 and then back to 301. I made it to Waldorf a little after 3pm.

Met Mom at Burlington, then we headed to Chipolte (my first time there, as well as Mom's) for a lunch (though, we really went there because we both had to pee). The food was great, the wait wasn't and Amelia became angry and cried every time she saw Mom. Then, I fed her some carrots and she was happy again.

After Chiplote, we headed over to Kinko's so Mom could print some of her Vegas Extravaganza pictures (and make a cd so I can put them online for her). We were there for ever because the kiosk ran out of ribbon and paper and the Kinko's Guy didn't know how to replace it. bbbllllaaahhhhh

Finally, around 5:30, we part our ways. She heads south and I north. Traffic was ok up until Crofton. On the way home, I called Greg to see if he wanted to do anything for dinner and he said he wasn't hungry because he ate a late lunch. So, I asked him to order me a pizza and I'll pick it up. Well, I arrived before the pizza was ready, so I hung out for about 10 minutes at Greg's job. When I talked to Greg on the phone, he estimated that he would be done around 6:30, which was the time I would be in the area. But, even though his 'job; was done, he was still hanging out at the office collecting things for his Sim City game. Did he want to leave work? No. So, I became mad and left, which was at 6:45. I picked up my pizza and headed home. I stopped and got gas for the stupid gas hog and walked into the apartment at 7:15pm.

My day in a nut shell.

I am still feeling pissed at Greg for, lack of a better description of what I am feeling, choosing his game over coming home with me. It's now 7:50 as I type and he hasn't called nor is he home. He'll probably walk in the door and start playing Sim City and maybe say a few words to me, which is fine because I'm not feeling very sociable right now.

bbbbbllllaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

Cancelled, Homeless & In need of a Babysitter

So, apparently BG&E nor Comcast have 'hold' requests like the mail or newspaper services. So, I've cancelled both my BG&E account, which I opened back in 2002 and my Comcast services as of Aug. 1.

Ugh, it's weird to think that I am, technically in my mind, homeless as of the 20th. I don't have a place to call home, rather I have a place to stay 'as a favor'.

I really hope that Greg and I are able to find a place and soon. Previously, when he moved last October, I was his back-up option, but now that we are trying to move in together, there is no back-up (other than Churchton and we don't even know if that is an option anymore). I can't help but feel some anger towards someone as I struggle to find a place for Greg and I to start our life together. I would write more, to elaborate, but I promised I wouldn't (at least be public about it).

Oh, and I may need a sitter for next Wednesday, July 25th. Our baby sitter's husband, Greg's co-worker, is having surgery on that day. Mom, who is my back-up, would be available if she hadn't of just returned from her Vegas Extravaganza the previous evening, but her availability is up in the air since she doesn't know how she's going to feel after her mini-vacation.

I've just gotten off the phone with Greg and told him about the 'situation' and he's going to see if it's possible to take next Wednesday off since he has paid vacation days available and I'm still within the 'probationary period' (although, I have used some days already as 'borrowed', but I'd rather not do so anymore, if possible).

So, Greg thinks that I'll be moved into his place by the end of the week. This morning, we loaded up some of my tubs and bags that I've already packed into our cars to unload them into the storage unit that Greg is going to open up when he gets off of work today. Have I mentioned how much I hate moving? I did it so often when I was growing up that the mear thought of having to move puts a sour taste in my mouth. Blech! Although, this move is a little different than my past moves and this is mainly because I am moving in with someone that I am so excited about being with 24/7. In the meantime, Greg is spending the entire week at my place, as that was a compromise for not being 'allowed' (and I use that word liberly) to move in over the weekend.

Sheesh, it's only 3:25 as I write. And, I smell a fart or it could be eggs, but either way it stinks.

So, I've been 'rooting around' Blue Soups space, catching up on older postings and then checking out her blogs of choice and I've realized something; a majority of people in the UK use Wordpress as their blogging site. Over here, in the US, I've noticed the majority of users use Typepad or Blogger, then Wordpress. Typepad is neat, but isn't free. Blogger is, alright but I am liking the layout of Wordpress. It has some pretty neat options for set-up and such. So, I've been debating if I should just transfer all to Wordpress or keep things seperate. I did read on one persons post that she felt Wordpress was horrible since she lost a lot of her posts when she transferred from Blogger to Wordpress. Meh. This is the least of my concerns at the moment, but nothing more than a random running thought in my mind.

Who knows what the next thought will be...

Damn Hormones

This weekend has been difficult, to say the least.

Not much positivness, a lot of crying, and stress.

I'm not going to write about it, no purpose in re-living the whole weekend, only to keep re-reading it and keep reminding myself about it.

Yes, Greg and I are still together, just not living together, yet.

Eh, Nothing to Say

After work and getting Amelia, I went to the post office to get a form to cancel my change of address request and then went to Safeway to buy baby spoons.

It was about 7:30 by the time I got home. And, no sooner than I get home comes in Greg with dinner! Aww, isn't he the greatest! He decided to come be with me; even though he wouldn't stay the night nor go upstairs to lay in bed with me and pet me. But, he did hang out with me and my brother for about two hours.

When it was time for Greg to leave, I walked outside to his car with him and we stood there chatting for about 15 minutes. We talked about our possibilities, such as moving to Churchton and living there rent free but commuting at least an hour each way to work; searching more aggressivly and cutting out a few requierments that we previously set (such as getting a one bedroom apartment instead of two and not looking for an apartment with a washer/dryer in it); and if we're unable to find something by August, I, along with Amelia, move in with Greg and his family. The only good thing about the last possibility is that the rent will be cheap, Greg's room is big enough for the three of us, and we're going to be saving money on gas. It's a plus, but not enough to make me completely happy. What would make me completely happy is to have a place to call home with Greg. That's all that I want right now.

This morning, on my way to work, I thought about what I could do with my paycheck. Since we're not moving in next week, I don't have to save for the first months rent and whatnot and my brother said that I don't have to pay rent for July. So, first I thought about buying a laptop. I've been wanting to buy a new computer for nearly two years now. And, I want a laptop. Greg has a nice computer that he bought last year, but it's not a laptop. But, I nixed that idea because it would be too costly. Then I thought about buying myself a digital camera; another item that I've been wanting to buy for a little under a year now. By the time I got to work, I had completely forgotten about my future camera purchase, and instead I went through all the bills that I can pay online and paid everything! I paid the BG&E bill, cell phone, credit card, cable, Greg's Dell account (prepaying for my future laptop!), babysitter, car and groceries. When I total the amount I just paid for all of the above, it comes to over a thousand dollars! So much for the camera. But, at least I paid off a few balances and brought a few accounts to current. So, in the end, it was probably best that I spent the money on bills rather than a camera. At least when Greg and I are able to finally move in togehter, everything will be current.

But, I so wanted to buy myself a new toy!

Eh. I'm still going to spend some money on me today or Saturday. Remember, I have a pool party that I am going to on Sunday!

It's been a while since I bought myself things. No, wait. Scratch that last statement; I bought myself a new purse on June 9th. Other than that, it's been a long while. Usually, I need my mom to get me clothes, otherwise I won't buy any. I feel guilty if I spend money on myself, even if it's something that I need.

I would love to treat myself to a nice eye waxing, since it's been over six months since I had my eyes done, and maybe get my nails done or something. I've never had a pedicure before; I'm weird about my feet and strangers touching them. Sometimes I wish I was more girly and cared about my hair, wore make-up, and did all the girly things; but, then again, I can see the benefits of not being so girly, mainly not spending all my money. I guess you could say that I am a simple girl that likes to live a simple life. Damn curious to see how Amelia is going to be when she gets older!

I received and email from my good friend, Daniel, informing me that he's coming up next weekend! I'm so excited to see Daniel. Last time I saw him was in September. That was an interesting night, to say the least. I believe I was one of two straight people for a gay birthday party! But, I did have a lot of fun.

I've been working on this blog for over six hours! It's been pretty slow today, so I read the newspaper (specifically about the O's and searching for a place to rent), chatted with the manager a bit, did some actual work, was told a secret about the company and what they are changing (which will be shared with everyone else next Thursday or Friday), talked to my Mom on the phone, did a short text messaging chat with Melissa, and so much more!

In any event, I am done. I am sleepy, and there are 17 minutes left for the work day.

Finally Friday!

Yay! Less than 2 weeks from moving day. Greg and I are so excited!!! He's setting up the reservation for the u-haul as I type (I assume and I was correct). Hey, he even finish the reservation before I finished this sentence! Here's the email I just received from him:

From: Greg S. [mailto:*****@yahoo.com]
Sent: Friday, June 15, 2007 10:56 AM
To: Jessica D
Subject: RE:

We got's our Uhaul. From approx. 6:30pm on Wed 27th to 10:30AM on Friday 29th. 17 foot truck. More than enough Space.


So, I finally got a hold of my insurance agent to talk about my new premium and how much it's going to cost me. It looks like my normal payment of $84.75 will be deducted this month from my checking account and then on July 15th, they are taking $264.75 as a down payment for my new policy, but there isn't any information about how much my installments are going to be. I've tried calling the actual insurance company to get that information but their systems are down and they suggested I call back after 1pm. Crossing my fingers that it's going to be reasonable.

After work, Amelia and I went to visit Greg at his job. The weather was so nice! We stood outside the entire time. Amelia sat in the car and just talked away, and even laughed! I'm so excited that she's begun to laugh like a real baby. I can't wait to get a recording. And, she ended up falling asleep around 7:30. Greg and I talked a little more about his concern and I reassured him that we're going to be fine, and we talked about money. They say money can ruin any relationship and I believe it. So, we talked about what we would pay for out of the joint account and what we would use our separate accounts for. Basically, everything that we're going to share is going into the joint account and the separate accounts for things that we want to buy for ourselves, such as clothes, games, movies, etc. I told my Mom what Greg and I are planning and she sounds a little hesitant and her excuse was "I guess I watch too much Judge Judy", silly Momma. Also, Mom has been on this Opera kick. Every time I talk to her (almost daily) she tells me what she saw on Opera and yesterday it was about poop and pee and other body excretions; Mom said it was a great show. Hmm. Greg and I also talked about the car payments. My idea was to round up the payments to a whole amount, for example: Greg's payment is currently $385 and mine is $278. I was thinking of rounding the payments to $400 and $300. Well, Greg has a little more than a year left on his car note, so he thinks it would be best to pay my minimum and put extra to his payment to pay it off earlier than scheduled. Then, we can out his car payment and my payment together to pay off my car earlier than the six years that is set up. Shit, if we could pay my car note at $700 a month, the car wold be paid off in two years!

I am thinking that I need to start a hobby or something. Work is going to be slow this summer, as I've been told, and I don't want to just sit at my desk staring at a screen. I am thinking that I could go back to knitting, although I threw away all my supplies when I moved last summer. I could learn scrap-booking, but I don't know how well I am going to be able to keep up with the details and what not. I could go buy a baby book for Amelia and put that together and record her first year and such (even though I am 5 months behind. LOL), but, if I am truly honest with the things Greg and I talked about when we learned that I was pregnant with her I wouldn't want to share it, yet I don't want to lie about it either. So, I am torn about the baby book.

Wow!! I totally feel like gossipping but I can't!! I so want to say so much about something but I can't!! Well, at least I can write about the juicy gossip at my 'secret garden'. Oh, if people could only see what's in my 'secret garden'! Maybe one day in the future.

*~_*~_*~_*~_ and all that jazz_~*_~*_~*_~*

I've been seriously thinking about financing a car. I've never financed a car before and this thought is probably one of the most scariest things for me. Financing a car is such a huge commitment to me. It's hard to explain why financing a car is so frightful to me. I just don't like the thought of something so valuable and needed to be taken away from me; also, I'm not too keen on having to choose car payment, rent, or food if ever there comes a time that I only have enough money for one.

I did speak to a dealership last night, and even thought about stopping by on my way home. When I spoke with the sales guy, I told him up front that my credit score isn't the best and that I don't have much for a down payment and he told me that they have approved people with less. That was a little encouraging. Now, there are two reasons why I didn't stop on my way home: 1. I really don't want to go alone. and 2. I really had to pee by the time I made it to the exit. Traffic was a bitch last night on Rt. 100 E.

After talking to the dealership, I tried to call my Mom to tell her what I was thinking about with the car, but their phone is temporarily disconnected. Perfect timing.

Last night was uneventful. I didn't watch much tv and was asleep around 10pm. Greg called me at 11:30, I tried to wake up for him but I couldn't, so we chatted for only a few moments. I did call him this morning at 7:30 to make sure he was up and showered.

Yesterday, my Grandma sent me an email letting me know that she sent me a card with a little 'encouragement' to help me with my crisis. Aren't Grandmas the best?

Frustrated

Last night, after work, I stopped by the place that has my car to get a few things out of it. I asked the guy if he had a chance to look at it and what he told me wasn't what I wanted to hear; "You need a new engine."

Fuck

I called my Mom to let her know and she asked "What are you going to do?" and I replied with scream and cry because that is what I wanted to do. I was so frustrated! I have ABSOLUTELY no money saved or to spend right now, especially with the move in three and a half weeks! I can't afford a $200 a week car rental and that's a waste of money in my eyes.

Mom and I talked for a few more minutes trying to think of possibilities to help. One thing we talked about was for her to obtain a small loan for me to buy a used car and I pay the loan back instead of her. She's afraid that since she isn't working she won't be approved. So, we ended the conversation with her telling me that she's going to talk to Van.

After talking to Mom, I call Greg to get an idea of when he's going to be home and he was still on 100 as I was pulling up to the townhouse. I was irritated that he wasn't home at the time he said he was going to be, especially now with all the stress about the car.

I get home and take Amelia out of the car seat and just sit on the couch. I talk to Aaron and Sean about the car and stuff. About 20 minutes later, Greg walks in the door and comes over to me with roses! But, not just a bouquet of roses; he bought a miniature rose bush that can be planted!! Aww! Isn't he the greatest? I told him the roses make up for his tardiness.

Greg asks if there is anything he can do and I replied with "Yeah, tell me that you've secretly saved about $5,000 and that you can help me get a car." and he replied with something along the lines of "Well, even though I would hate to do this for the third time, I could close my 401k." I completely forgot about my IRA! I called ING to start the process of closing my account. After the taxes and penalties, I should receive around $1300. That's a start.

After talking to ING, Greg and I watch Hell's Kitchen. What an interesting group of people! Greg and I loved watching Top Chef on Bravo earlier this year. And, Hell's Kitchen is a good make up for Hero's. We're excited to have something to watch on Monday nights.

This morning, I called Mom and Van to let them know that I will have some money to help with a new car and Van tells me that he's working on a car for me. The car is a 1984 Honda Civic with 50,000 'original' miles. He said the car belonged to a church. I am a little hesitant about the car. I want something a little more modern for Amelia. The last Honda I drove was a 1982 Prelude and I was in a car accident in that car. I hit the side of a 1997 car with the passenger side front end of my car going about 5-10 mph and the damage to the Honda was unbelievable. The entire front end of my car was crumbled to my door! I can only image what a more serious accident would look like and I really don't want to take that risk with Amelia in the back seat. But, at the same time, I NEED A CAR and I can't be choosy with what I can get.
Ugh, so much stress!!! Later in the morning, I called again to talk to Mom to tell her about the IRA account and she mentioned that Van was also looking at a 1997 vehicle. She doesn't know anything about either car other than they are looking for the titles.

I don't know what to think. I am so frustrated and stressed about this whole situation. It feels like nothing will ever be 'perfect' for me; I will always have some form of struggle. At times, it's so hard to stay motivated and optimistic. I am getting tired of hearing "everything happends for a reason" or "God is testing or challenging you to prepare you for the real world" and things related. No one knows the life I've had, the struggles and everything else. Why do I need to be challenged? Why am I constantly thrown 'things for a reason'? And, this can't be blamed on karma because I've never done anything bad in my life! I never made fun of anyone, never hurt anyone in any sense or form, I've always worked hard and volunteered to help others, I've always put others and their needs before myself. I am not a selfish person at all! I just don't get it.

Manic Monday

Ugh, so much stress in my life right now!

Mainly, I am stressing about the car repair bill and making sure that Greg and I are going to have enough money to move in at the end of the month. I hope to find out soon.

This morning I called AA America to notify them that I am having my car towed to another garage. I paid the $80 they charged for 'looking' at the Pontiac. I called the place that worked on my breaks to see if they do other types of service and they don't. So, when I asked if they could recommend a repair shop, and they did. I called the other shop and told them what's going on. They said they would be more than willing to look at my car without a deposit! LOL And, they will go get the car. I am so scared to hear what's wrong with the car and how much it's going to cost.

Greg called me twise yesterday after the inital conversation. I didn't answer the phone. I did call him back before 5pm and I was still mad at him. I called him a little after 11pm and we talked for about a half hour. I wasn't as mad by then, but I was still not over it. Today, I am pretty much over it. There is too much going on to dwell on what happened yesterday. Besides, Greg is coming over tonight and I plan on taking full advantage of him. So, he's going to attend to Amelia and I am going to start going through my old clothes, Amelia's clothes and other items. I really want to start packing and throwing things away. I don't want to repeat what I did last year when I moved (which was pretty much pack the day of the move). At least I am not pregnant this time (even though I didn't know I was pregnant when I moved last year).

Here's a post I wrote on July 3, 2006:

I hate moving...
When it comes to moving, I'd rather do the clean up and unpacking than pack the shit and move it and then unload it... which is pretty much all that I did yesterday. Greg and Sean did A LOT of the work, but I did help... some... I stayed out of their way when they were unloading the truck and put most of the stuff away at night.

But, what a stressful day that was! At 8am, Sean calls me and tells me that he can't find his wallet which means he can't get the uhual, which means I'm stuck. So, I call mom and tell what happened and she was mad, a little, and said that she would pay for the truck since I was offering to pay, even though I have about $90 left in my account to last me two weeks. So, then I call Greg to let him know what was going on since he was suppost to come over around 9:30 to start helping and Greg offeres to help pay for the truck as well (and I told him that I would pay him back when I get the money from mom). I was so thankful of Greg's gesture to help that I bought him a thank you card when I went to wal-mart. But, as I was leaving wal-mart and heading to the uhual place, Sean calls and tells me that he has found his wallet (even though we cancelled the order. But, he was able to get a truck anyway, and he arrived around noon and we had loaded up must of everthing thing by 3 and we were leaving the apartment at 3:20 and we had unloaded everything by 4:30 at the townhouse and then Sean was on his way to his place to pack and stuff. So, I spent the first night at the new place all alone. I didn't get to sleep until 2am and then I was up and dressed and ready to leave at 6:30. I am going to sleep well tonight. Also, I am going to be working from open to close at the clinic, so I will be exhausted when I get home. But, I have off tomorrow and Greg and I are going to Oregon Ridge to see the BSO and fireworks. I've never been there before and have always wanted to go when Adam and I were together... but never did. Oh, it was funny... Sean and I were talking about something in the old kitchen and I accidentally called him Adam and Greg was like... what did you call him? so, that was kinda funny.


Greg is very excited that we've finally found a place to call ours. We can start our family. Plus, he loves, just as much as I do, to go shopping for home accessories. On Saturday, we were talking about things we need and drawing on the floor plans where to put our furniture. One thing we might not agree on, right now, is where to place his computer; he wants to put it in our bedroom. I say no and that there is plenty of room downstairs. We shall see how this goes in a few weeks.

Is It Possible...

That this day can get any worse?

The place that my car was towed to, AA America on Aviation Blvd., doesn't know exactly what's wrong with my car but they want a $400 despoit! They said they need the deposit to do the tests: Scanner test, Complressor test, and sensor test, to get an idea of what's wrong. All I want if for them to fix the reason the car won't go when I give it gas. So, I am looking for a new place to take my car.

I am so freaking stressed right now. That feeling of giving up is starting to invade my mind. It feels like I'll never get a head in things, such as a car or Greg and I moving in and such. This is so frustrating. Will it ever end?

Feeling the Stress

Today is the last day of May.

I have 30 days to find a place to live and to save for a security deposit and first months rent. I am really starting to feel the stress. But, there IS a bright side; I don't have to move out by July 1 since my brother and Aaron are going to do a month-to-month contract until they can find a place.

Also, today I 'pre-authorized' an application for an apartment in Glen Burnie. The place offers townhouses and the one that I 'held' is a two bedroom with one and a half baths with all the amenities Greg and I want. The only downside is that it's at the top of our rental budget. Greg and I need to check the place out to see if we like enough to continue with the 'approved with conditions' application.

Amelia has become a terror when it's time for bed! For the last two nights, around 7pm she become insanly fussy; screaming at the top of her lungs! But, she's asleep before 8pm. It takes about 15 minutes to get her to calm down and then another 10-15 minutes for her to fall asleep. I hope this isn't going to be a regular thing from her. I really miss the days she would fall asleep right after her evening bottle.


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ Later in the Day *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*


I received a phone call from the townhouse complex that I applied to earlier this morning and... I AM APPROVED!!!!! Also, the security deposit is ONLY $500!!! So much better than a whole one month's rent!!! I can not describe the excitment I am feeling right now. I called Greg and told him the good news. He didn't sound as excited as I feel, but that could be because he's extreamly busy and has been all week. Anyway, I am happy-go-lucy excited!

Whacked

My brain is causing things to be whacked for me.

I am feeling so alone right now for no real reason and I hate this.

So many random thoughts went through my mind on my way home. One thought was if I named Amelia the right name. My mom was so adamant about the name Natalie. I just don't like the name. Then, one day while I was at work, I received a phone call from a customer in Massachusetts and her name was Amelia and that is when I decided on a name. I was toying with the name of Evelyn as well. I have a thing for the old timey names. Amelia's middle name was something Greg and I agreed on because it sounded right; Amelia Margaret Frye. I still can't believe that I named a person. Does the name suit her? Will she like it when she's older? There is so much unknown...

After work I went over to Greg's work. I ended up hanging out for nearly two hours. We talked about a certain someone and stuff. I have something bothering me and I don't know why. In a sort, it feels like there is some competition; although I am not competing for or with anything. So frustrating! I tried to explain this to Greg and he's passive about it. He doesn't understand, yet frankly I don't understand why I am feeling this myself and it's bothering me on the inside.

Greg thinks I am feeling the way I am because there is so much 'unknown' going on with us. We don't know where we're going to be living come July, I don't know how much I am making any more since there was an 'error' on my proposal letter from HR and they haven't sent me a new letter, I don't know how much my first check is going to be, I don't know when Adam is going to mail the divorce papers, ect.

There is too much stuff going on and this recent death in the family just made things worse. And, I want Greg to be with me but we don't think he'll be able to do so because this is Labor Day weekend and five people have already taken this Friday off. I just want him to hold my hand during the funeral. But, at the same time I feel like I am being selfish by wanting him with me when He could be working and earning more money for us. He says I am not being selfish for wanting him to be there for me, even though he's never met this person. I don't know.

Work is being really nice about all this time off. My supervisor said I could borrow time so I can have a full 80 hour paycheck. I am still in my probation period and am not allowed to use my vacation, personal, or floating holidays yet. Sp. tjat os nice of them.

Work

Since last Tuesday, the 8th, work has been hella busy! Practically non-stop. Some days, it's so bad that I don't want to talk to ANYONE on the phone after I leave work because I spent nearly 8 hours talking to idiots. If you've worked as a customer service rep in a call center, you can relate.

The call center that I work for is fairly small. I'd guess there are less than 20 reps that are on the phones at all times. That's pretty small if you think about it. The call center is divided into teams; Me and two others are in the sales.marketing.retention team. It can be slow at times. The rest of the call center is generally basic customer service (meaning account verification, billing questions, cancellations, etc). The issue that I've been having to deal with for nearly a month is practically no help with the phone calls between 1-2pm because the other team members go to lunch. And, with the call volume being as high as it's been (due to accts renewing (retention)), I've been alone to handle the calls. I've expressed my stress to my supervisor and the manager and they say they are working on adding more people to the 'group' but have yet to do so and I'm starting to wonder if they ever will.

Well, I had to vent. I don't feel any better but at least its out there.

Just talk

During the weekend, Greg and I talked about a few things that involve our future. One comment that he made (and he doesn't want me to mention this until he makes 'it' official) during one of our passionate moments confirmed what I've known since last summer. The following day, Sunday, as we were just talking in the hotel room, I asked him what makes his 'knowledge' of what he told me different than before (meaning with his exes) and he told me that with them, it was a schedule thing meaning that he felt he had to have this by this age and with me there was no schedule and what he feels is real and deep. He also made a comment about how falling for someone (not necessarily in-love) can fade after a while, yet what he and I have is something that won't fade (well, at least his feelings for me).

Another item that we discussed were our living arrangements. My lease expires next month meaning I have to be out by July 1. Greg talked to his mom last night and she told him that he could move out and that she will be able to support herself and Ken without his help. So, that means Greg and I will be moving in together this summer. We've begun to look at places online and this weekend we are going to go to the actual places to check them out. Last night and this morning, I've been stressing about how Greg and I are going to be able to save up for a security deposit with me only making $280 a week after taxes and paying for my half of the babysitter; but, just a few moments ago, I received a phone call from my manager asking for my mailing address and a co-worker over heard me providing the address and told me that they are going to mail me employment information (I had asked the manager if he was going to mail me a card and he said: "no, something better." and laughed)! So, if this is a fact then that would elevate part of my stress! Now, I just wait for the official word... Gosh, I hope it comes soon; I really need the money.

This morning, my Mom calls at like 6:50 to chat. She said that she and Van miss Amelia already and asked why I didn't want to keep Amelia for a few more days with them (something Mom stated earlier on Sunday). I told Mom that I wasn't prepared to have Amelia stay with them longer, plus there was no advance notice for April and she would be loosing money without warning. But, Greg and I are hoping to take a small vacation later this year (assuming things go well financially) and we will definitely be using my Mom to watch Amelia. Also, Amelia will probably be staying with her when we move and just for the hell of it. During the conversation I told Mom that Greg's Mom told him that she'll be fine without him and that now Greg and I have to find a place and such and how I was starting to stress about saving money. But, Amelia woke up before we could finish talking so we hung up. Then, about 15 minutes later, Mom calls again to tell me that Greg and I can move into the house in Churchton, rent free and we only have to pay the utilities, until January 2008. I told her that is great, but it's too far away from where Greg an I work, plus we'd be stressing about moving out right after Christmas and just before Amelia's first birthday. Her rebuttal was that she would be closer to Amelia. I told her nice try and that I would talk to Greg about this offer at which point I immediately called Greg to tell him and we briefly discussed it and agreed to accept only as an absolute last resort.

I am excited about all of the above (moving in with Greg and our future together) and I can't wait to see what's going to happen this summer!

Stuff that's been going on...

Ugh, it's been a long week and there's still one more day before the weekend!!

This week has been so emotionally stressful! I have a sick baby, a car that needs new breaks (urgently), Greg and I have been having 'issues' (though nothing too serious) and just a shit load of small things.

Well, as for Amelia, we are going to try a new formula. Her doc suggested a soy based formula so we'll see how that goes (but if you want to read the details of what's been going on with her, you can read all about it here: http://frye79-lifewithamelia.blogspot.com/).

The breaks on my car have become worse. I've known for a while that I will need to replace them but with all that's been going on since the beginning of the new year, it's been impossible for me to get anything done, personally. Plus, this is something that is going to set me back a couple hundred dollars and I haven't been able to save. So, this Monday or Tuesday, my breaks have finally begun to scream at me whenever applied. So, I called my Mom and Van for help, which they are going to do. And, the plan is to drop off my car on Saturday morning at some place in Millersville. They gave me an estimate of $275 for the complete job. I just hope that this will be a simple break job and not require anything more extensive. I am hoping that I will receive my bonus (given to me in Visa Gift Cards) from work soon so I can give them to Mom and Van as some form of repayment.

Tuesday was Greg's 29th Birthday. I tried to take him out to dinner, but Amelia wasn't cooperating. We attempted to eat at Olive Garden (I haven't been there in ages and that was all the way in Westminster) and ended up ordering everything to go. Greg was kind enough to drive all the way back to my place so we could eat together. It feels good to be able to give Greg things for his birthday this year. So far, I've given him 3 new shirts, a $15 iTunes card, new lip balm, taken him out to dinner and lunch, and then there is the surprise for this weekend of which I am so happy that we'll be able to do.

Adam finally confirmed that he received the divorce papers. He says that he doesn't know what part to sign and I told him the part where he is agreeing to the terms of the divorce and I haven't heard from him since. I really hope this divorce goes through smoothly.

As I mentioned in the earlier post, I'm still feeling... 'blah' about what's been going on between Greg and I. I really don't want to feel hurt like I do. I know why he didn't do it and such but... ugh, I just want this to go away and the only way it will is if I forget about it and move on (without thinking about it; yeah, easier said than done at times). Greg wasn't very chatty via email today. And, I feel that is partly due to me telling him that I am still hurt, though not as much as I was before which I believe is a good sign, about his actions (or lack thereof). All he wrote back was ":(" and I replied with "Would you rather know the truth or have me tell you something just to make you feel better?". He never replied. But, he did call after I picked Amelia up from the sitters though we didn't talk about 'it'.

At least there is some positiveness going on (sorta)...

My cycle is completely over!

This evening, at work, I was told by the Chief Of Operations that they are going to use my phone calls as examples to share for some big executives in the company! I am in the sales/marketing team (and there are only two others which were recently brought on as permanent employees and I am still a temp, for now...) and they chose me as the best example. But, I have to give credit to PRP for teaching me excellent call center skills due to their strictness; One of the 'skills' I learned was not to say 'um' or uh' during a conversation and I over heard the COO commenting to another higher-up (not an executive) about another sales team members conversations are full of 'ums' and how unprofessional the call sounds even though it was a sale. And, the COO already has a great call of mine and the only reason he isn't using this call is because I had a slight coughing fit during the verification process. Granted, I was apologetic about the coughing fit to the customer and the customer and I had developed a good re pour during the phone call... so, that is kind of exciting.

I bet you didn't know that it has taken me all day to complete this entry. As I type, it is currently 10:43 and I am watching House Hunters on HG TV. Greg should be calling soon.