Tuesday Tidbits

I wasn't in such a good mood by the end of the day yesterday. And Greg didn't help with matters.

Traffic was a bitch on 100 for no apparent reason; I was nearly rear ended three times by the jackass behind me; and Greg was hella late.

When I did finally get home, I turned the oven on to start dinner for Greg and me. Nothing special, frozen pizza. Then, I begin to clean the kitchen, load the dishwasher and turn it on. Once that was done, I sit down with Aaron, Craven, and Sean and we chat it up for a little bit. By now it's 7:30 and Greg isn't home and he hasn't called. I debate if I should call him or not but I ended up calling him. I asked if he coming over and he said yeah and then I told him about a realization that came across me and how it made me sad. This realization is that Greg will never arrive when he says he will regardless if he's coming from work or home. I can understand if he has to stay late and he should call if he is, but for all other times; he won't be punctual. I, on the other hand, am a very punctual person. I hate being late. So, yes, this is a pet peeve I have about Greg and he knows about it and how it makes me feel. But, more importantly was realizing the feeling I had when I came to the realization about Greg and his lack of punctuality and that was a very sad feeling because, even though I know he doesn't mean it, when he is late I feel as if he doesn't care about my feelings and what we have planned for our time together.

On the bright side, Greg keeps raving about our future together especially with the move. He says he can't wait until we can be a family. That makes me feel good because this is real. After all that he and I went through in November and December and how things have completely changed for us; I am a Mother and Greg is a Father and we are together no matter what.

I was thinking on the way to work this morning about how some people set goals and what they want at a certain age. For me, it used to be that I wanted to have my first baby by the time I was 25. I didn't care if I was married or not. But, then I met Adam when I was 19 and then we married when I was 24. I could have had a baby by 25 and be married! It was the 'traditional' way to start a life so to speak. Well, I blew that and now I am in the process of a divorce and had a baby with another man while still legally married. How Jerry Springer is that? But, here I am , 28 years old. I had a baby 3 weeks before my 28th birthday, so I was only a few years behind my 'goal'. I was also thinking about how could anyone be a stay at home mom. All the props to ya if you can achieve that because there is no way I could. I need to work or I would go nuts. A lot of people say that if they won the lottery they would quit their jobs; I wouldn't. What I would do if I won the lottery is take time off of work, travel to all the places I've ever dreamed of, take care of my closest friends and family, finish my degree and get a job that is on track with my career choice (Nursing) and move on from there. There is no way I can not live without being around other people. Yes, there are the Mommy and Me clubs and what not, but I don't associate well with other females. Girls are too negative; competitive; back stabbing; and many other adjectives. Granted, not ALL females are like that. I do have some very close friends that are girls that I couldn't live without (Kara and Michele) but, in general, my experience with other females hasn't been the most positive. I get along better with the guys. They, on the other hand, don't care if I don't brush my hair, shaved my legs (though I can't go longer than 3 days without shaving otherwise I go crazy on the inside), wear the same shirt 2 days in a row, etc. I guess this is also because I am not a 'girlie girl'. I only have 2 pairs of shoes; work and tennis shoes, I own very little makeup and still don't wear it. I have very little jewelry and what I do have I don't wear, I don't do anything with my hair other than wear headbands or barrettes, I DO like to wear skirts or dresses because I feel my legs are my greatest physical feature (used to be boobs, but with all the weight loss I no longer have the boobs I used to) and want to show them off especially for a person of my size (my legs have great tone). I will admit that at times I think about being a little more girlie but that thought doesn't last very long although it may change now that I have a baby girl. My Mom comments on how I DON'T buy dresses and girlie things for Amelia and I tell her two things; 1. No urge, and 2. No money, which I guess is a blessing in disguise.

Ugh, this week isn't going so well. I feel this will be another emotionally moody week for me; although, usually when I get like this the one thing that I am hoping usually happens and for now it's knowing where Greg and I are going to live come July. I am still feeling anger towards Greg's ex-girlfriend about the difficulty Greg and I are having but I have to keep telling myself that it's been a little over 2 years now and it's said and done and we can't change anything about it. But, I still have the right to be angry in my mind.

Denise, Greg's step-mom, mailed me a gratuation invitation last week. That was nice of her. She also included a picture of Renee, her oldest daughter. She looks so mature! This morning, Denise also emailed me pictures from Renee's prom and in the pictures was a picture of Denise. Before, I've never seen a picture of her and we've only talked on the phone once and this isn't a bad thing or whatnot, but she isn't what I pictured! I was picturing the all american suburban house wife, kinda like Donna Reed, especially since she sounded like her, slightly, and how she scrapbooked and made the Easter Basket. In any event, when I told Greg he said that I should tell Denise that she sounds like a blonde, which she isn't.

Well, it's been nearly 3 hours since I started this post and I have to start a new one based on another email I received this morning...